No. Bisexual means attracted to both men and women. It doesn’t say anything about number or sex of sexual partners.
Misnomer, I believe we’re in agreement in most of what we’ve said here. We’re both in health care, we’ve both seen both myths and statistics to back up our arguments. And by all means, it would be a LOT easier on everyone if everyone applied common sense and good judgement to who they have sex with.
But if one is to use your definition of “prejudicial,” then everyone is prejudicial at some level about their sexual partners. Personally, I have a strong bias toward hispanic women to the extent that, while I was dating, I went out almost exclusively with latinas. I’m sure I missed out on relationships with some lovely women who were probably quite interesting people, but I was attracted to latinas at that time. I know a woman who won’t date bald men. Another who won’t go out with anyone shorter than her. To me, those reasons seem a lot more arbitrary than a health risk.
Your comments seemed to be in support of those who have chosen to make all bisexuals off-limits based solely on some perceived greater health risk that has absolutely nothing to do with the individual. My bad if that’s not what you were doing/saying.
I didn’t mean for 1% vs. 9% to be the same as a 9x greater risk, they were just example numbers. I didn’t even remember the “9x” number when I posted that, it was just a coincidence. But do you have any response to that point other than to try to ignore it by nitpicking?
If you want to go stricly by the letter of the report and not its obvious intent, sure thing. But when you’re ready to be realistic, you can admit that its inclusion of bisexual men was solely measuring men who have sex with other men – in fact, that term is used much more frequently than “bisexual.” The two categories reported on are pretty clearly “among gay or bisexual men who have sex with gay or bisexual men” and “among straight women who have sex with straight men.”
Except, I wasn’t talking about the guy from the OP (his age was never mentioned, far as I know). I was talking about a hypothetical guy.
You replied to me by quoting statements I made to and about other people, and then when I dare to include those same people in my response – in an effort to show that I understand that you don’t fully agree with them – you think it’s something to call me out over? Do you see the irony here?
Um, nope.
And preference is different from prejudice, by the way.
I think the problem is that there is a strong precendent fo using HIV to make anti-gay positions “scientific”: strident opponents of gay rights will talk about the “gay life style” as a “health issue”.
Now, I don’t think that’s the case here. Relationships are not equal opportunity events. No one says they have to be. If a person is squicked out by bisexuality, that’s fine. No accounting for taste. I’m squicked out by certain things myself. But it’s silly to say that you would, unilaterally, NEVER date a bisexual man because of and only because of the health risk, when many bisexual men are no more likely to have HIV than anyone else, because they have had limited sexual contact with others and/or have been tested.
Did you see the senario I proposed above? Where you met a man and really hit it off, and some few weeks into the friendship/growing romance he mentioned he’d had a boyfriend at one point? How is having sex with such a man (or with someone like Priam), a matter of health? Matter of taste, fine. But on an individual level, health risk is determined by that individual’s behavior, not by statistics.
I wouldn’t be interested, but I don’t think it’s because of increased HIV risk.
It wasn’t, I was just trying to head off a rather ugly tar-and-feathering party. I’ve noticed that tends to happen when there’s a disagreement. Serves me right for trying to be mediator. As you indicated, personal preference and prejudice are two different things, and it seemed more than one person was willing to believe the OP was more prejudiced than preferential.
I wasn’t nitpicking, I misunderstood your post. My point was that while panicking away from a certain demographic because of an imagined threat is ignorant, it’s at least as ignorant to pretend a real threat doesn’t exist. Education is absolutely essential, but so is patience and understanding of the people who need it.
My apologies; clearly we’re at different ends of the elephant, here.
I’m sorry, but it seemed to me you were being judgemental, condescending and self righteous. That rubs me the wrong way no matter who it comes from. Perhaps that was not your intent?
Hm. Must’ve been this which led me to believe otherwise:
Look, I’m really not trying to fight, here. I do think, though, that you are finding offense where none is really intended or warranted.
And preference is different from prejudice, by the way.
[/QUOTE]
I need to be the exotic one in the relationship, so no, I wouldn’t date a bisexual man. Plus I can’t really imagine being too sexually attracted to most of the bisexual or gay men I’ve known. Some are very hot, but it’s not the kind of hot that gets me revved up.
I’m sorry I didn’t see your post earlier. As I said in an earlier post, I wouldn’t not date a bisexual man based on his being bisexual. Is it a factor I’d take into consideration? Yes. As much as I’d take it into consideration if I was considering having sex with a straight man who happened to be quite the whore. It’s probably overcautious on my part, but because of where I am, what I do, and a nasty scare when I was young and naive I make sure the safe sex talk is something my partner and I have fairly early on. To me, that’s just being a responsible adult.
It depends on what sort of a bisexual man we’re talking about. Is he loyal and monagamous, without a wandering eye? Had few, serious, relationships and no history of one night stands? I’d have the same expectations of him as a straight man. Which is to say I wouldn’t date a straight guy who’d had several sexual partners or was on the look out for greener pastures, either.
I recently dated a bisexual man for a few months. He was also a committed Mormon. When I first talked to him on the phone I thought he was gay, and later he told me about his bisexual history with threesomes. Supposedly he’d never been with men on his own. Because his experiences were many years ago, I dated him with protection. I eventually become aware of his pattern of creating distance with women. I think perhaps he might be gay and conflicted because of his faith.
That’s just him, and I wouldn’t dream of assuming this to apply to all bi men. There are probably many bisexual men who claim to be straight, in order not to freak out a woman. As with all men, I would test, discuss, protect. There is no guarantee that any person is what he says he is.
Yes, I found it hot to think about.
You’d be surprised at how many gays won’t date bisexuals because “most” of them are “really straight.”
I can’t speak for all bisexual guys, but I don’t need to have sex with men and women, I need to have sex with men or women. I have regular sex with my boyfriend. Because of that, I don’t have any need to have sex with women. Sex is sex. It’s not like there are two different “kinds” that I need to stay happy.
So, wait, you make points A and B, I respond to point B with point C, and you reply by repeating point A? Huh?
What on earth does that have to do with whether or not you were being hypocritical? This is becoming a trend with you, slinging insults and out-of-left-field statements instead of responding to the point at hand…
How does volunteering with the Whitman-Walker clinic automatically mean that I’m “in health care?” You may want to be careful the next time you jump: that next conclusion doesn’t look too steady.
I have taken absolutely no offense to anything in this thread (why on earth would I?). What I have found, however, in your posts, are an abundance of illogic, a paucity of rationality, and an abysmal debating technique. I know, I know, this is IMHO and not GD, but I don’t think that means the whole point/counterpoint thing has to be completely thrown out the window. If you converse in person the way you’ve replied to me in this thread, your friends and family must often be quite confused.
If you’re done with me, that’s fine, but if you’re ever ready to actually address the points I made in my previous posts just lemme know.
No. You asked me to clarify my position. I did so. If that clarification doesn’t happen to be to your liking, that’s hardly my problem.
How did I insult you? I told you your posts came off as condescending and sanctimonious, and asked you if you intended them that way. As for my supposed hypocracy: How do my standards for sexual partners make me a hypocrit?
Well, my goodness. If you didn’t work in healthcare, perhaps you shouldn’t have used your volunteer experience as an appeal to authority as it applies to health related issues, should you?
Really? Then why on earth did you accuse me of “hurling insults” if you weren’t offended by what I said?
That’s right, honey, it IS IMHO. Not the Pit. If you’re not capable of having a discussion without resorting to personal insults, then I suggest you stay out of the conversation, mmmkay?
When you’re ready to have a “rational, logical” discussion, you let ME know. So far you’ve responded to civility with hostility, so all I can get from this is that you’re more interested in making this about turning reluctance of having sex based on health issues into bigotry. If that’s the case, start a Pit thread already.
[Moderator Underoos On]This is IMHO, not The BBQ Pit. Not only that, but this is a poll(not a debate), so “the whole point/counterpoint thing” is totally out of place completely. Knock off the insults, and take your “debate” elsewhere.[Moderator Underoos On]
My profile on an online dating site lists, as the search criteria, that I’m straight. The fact that I’m bi is in the text of the profile, near the bottom.
Why? Because having “bi female” at the top does nothing to get me any positive responses from women (or, at least, never has in the months I’ve had the profile) and DOES get me 6 squillion responses from guys of “want a 3sum w/me n my gf” or the more articulate “want to come be my family’s personal bi girl love slave,” neither of which I’m at all interested in. (I’d date a woman with a boyfriend, but not one who let her boyfriend arrange her sex life, to be specific.)
Removing it from the search criteria part of the profile has vastly cut down on the skanky offers, and since I list the information in the text itself, I don’t feel that I’m being terribly dishonest in failing to disclose, for searches, that I dated a couple of wonderful women in college, which was over a decade ago, any more than I’m being “dishonest” by not posting pictures that include my ample cleavage (it’s an asset, but I’m not interested in guys that go after boobies first).
Maybe the guy in question was tired of the male equivalent of the offers I’ve gotten, and was actually interested in dating a woman? That he came to full disclosure fairly early would be a plus, in my opinion.
Corr
Maureen, you win, I give up, whatever. It’s been a long time since I’ve encountered someone like you in a thread like this, and I’d forgotten that the frustration always eventually gives way to laughter. Not laughing at you, mind you: the kind of laughter where two people are arguing and then one of them suddenly realizes the futility of it all and just can’t help but laugh. I’ll just respond to one thing, though, because it’s quite possibly the reponse of yours that I understand the least (also, because the implication that I was somehow “faking” credibility annoys the heck out of me):
I used my volunteer experience at an HIV/AIDS clinic, where I received training related to the transmission of HIV/AIDS and worked with HIV/AIDS counselors and HIV+ people, to establish my credibility when it came to saying that a lot of young people of all sexual orientations with HIV aren’t aware they’re infected (as opposed to just young gay/bi men). What part of that do you not understand? What part isn’t legitimate? I never implied that I do, or used to, work in health care – that’s a leap you made all by yourself. It’s entirely possible to volunteer in a hospital or HIV/AIDS clinic without working in health care.
What insults? Maureen has called me condescending, sanctimonious, judgemental, and self righteous (and some of those more than once), while at worst I accused her of being confusing … what am I missing, here? 
I’m not trying to win anything. And, I didn’t call you any of those things. I said that’s the way your posts came off, and asked you if that’s the way you meant them. You still haven’t answered one way or the other.
You specifically cited your past history of working with HIV patients in order to establish credibility. Fine. You worked with HIV counsellors and HIV+ patients as a volunteer…in what capacity? For example, if you worked as a volunteer handing out books, then you haven’t established any credibility as someone who can speak to the subject of HIV awareness as it applies to patients under the age of 25. If you worked with those people as a counsellor or something similar…then you worked in healthcare. Which is it?
I’m not trying to have a debate with you. I’m merely stating my opinion as it applies to the OP. You called me a hypocrit and felt the need to make personal observations. I’m amused as well. Has saying “Whaaaat?? I didn’ do NUTHIIIN!” ever worked?
Czarcasm, I apologize for allowing myself to get sucked into that last post. In an effort to not hijack this any further, I will quit the thread.
Trublmakr, I apologize for hijacking the thread by asking Czarcasm for clarification here. I’ll take it to the Pit, as appropriate.
Hi Miller 
You obviously have more experience on bi-men, being one yourself, and I am not going to argue any of your points, I just wanted to acknowledge that I read them.
I have not found myself in this situation. I have been hit on by women (I am straight) and have friends that are gay. It is just not something I would consider, but it’s never been an issue.