Poll for those who worry.

In My Humble Opinion
21

Funny thread. It’s like the kids in Lake Woebegone. They’re all above average.

Anyway. . .

  1. I worry less.

  2. None. I have no worries.

  3. No

  4. No.

  5. I think having a “big picture” mindset helps.

  6. I’ve never worried about anything, even when I was jobless with a wife and a mortgage and no savings. If there’s a normal distribution of how much people worry, I’m sure I’m helping make up the opposite tail than you guys.

  7. N/A

  8. Worry is a useless emotion, and one I don’t like. If there’s an actual problem, address it until you can stop worrying about it. If you’re worrying about something in the future, stop. The thing is going to turn out however it’s going to turn out whether you worry about it or not. If you’re worrying about something ongoing (like your kid, your money, your house, your car), you just need some perspective.

Anyway, those are the principles. I seem to be pre-disposed to be able to apply them.

My wife probably worries a little (but not like some of you), but I think I have a calming effect on her.

22

These are definitely all real, tangible worries. Sorry you’ve been dealt such a shitty hand. Have you talked to any local services people to see if you can get some help with the worries that can actually be dealt with? Also, my SIL lost her son. She went to grief counseling and said it helped immensely. I don’t know if you and your wife have looked into that, but it may be helpful to you to meet with them. I believe the group she went to was called “Compassionate Friends”.

Wishing you better days…

23

The problem is, he says the reason for his worry, “Because the world can be an evil, dangerous place and you may need to prepare yourself for some things.”

But, worrying DOESN’T prepare yourself for things. It’s a useless, time-wasting emotion.

Sure, those are all problems, or set-backs, or shit-hands or whatever, but WORRYING doesn’t do anything about them.

Certainly his problems sound worse than mine, but I still don’t think it justifies worrying. People worry who have a lot fewer responsibilties than I, too.

24

I used to worry more when I was younger. I remember freaking over every little thing with Kid Kalhoun. I think that’s pretty normal with new babies.

The rest of the worries seem to have faded for a number of reasons. 1) It’s exhausting. After a couple decades of it, you just tend to not give a shit enough to worry about hypothetical stuff…and 2) I’ve simplified my life. I don’t worry about debt like I used to. It’s very freeing to live within your means, even if those means are modest.

We’ve created back-up plans for many of life’s ugly realities, so if we end up unemployed or in a major disaster of some sort, the floor doesn’t fall out from under us. I realize it’s not always easy to make a back-up plan (particularly for younger people who are just getting started) but there are things you can do to lessen the burden should evil befall your life.

Another thing I do to ease my worries is to project out past the disaster I envision, but in a positive way. What if I lose my job? I’ve lost a gazillion jobs. Mostly through downsizing or corporate takeovers. I’m facing another one right now. Ya know what? I’ve always landed on my feet. Every time this happens, I’ve found a job (sometimes less money, but a job nonetheless). Every time it happens, I’ve ended up in a job that teaches me some new skills, introduces me to more people, and adds a layer of interest to my life. I always tell myself “no one ever died from losing a job”, and I believe that for the most part, that is a true statement.

25

  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?
    >>>>>More. WAYYYYYYYYYY more.

  2. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.
    >>>>>No particular order:
    *Money
    *Being alone
    *Dying alone
    *Dying alone and no one taking care of my pets
    *Screwing up at my job
    *Finding a new job
    *One of the critters getting sick(and not being able to afford the treatment)
    *tornadoes (It’s that time of year)
    *Being unable to care for myself
    *Money
    *Money
    *Money

  3. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?
    >>>>>Oh yeah. It almost paralizes me sometimes.

  4. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?
    >>>>Yup. But when I analize it, most of them are JUSTIFIED worries.

  5. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?
    >>>>I try to distract myself by writing or painiting usually. It’s been working less & less lately.

  6. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?
    >>>>More. Since Dad died last year, I have been alone, and am overwhelmed with worry.

  7. WHY do you think you worry so much?
    >>>>Because my life sucks?

  8. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.
    >>>> I think a good deal of it is genetic; my mother was a chronic worrier, as was HER mother. It’s one genetic trait I would have gladly skipped. Even now, 7:30 AM, my stomach is already knotted up with worry, and iut will remain that way all day, till I take a sleeping pill and go to bed. Every day. It’s miserable.

26

To give some balance to all the neurotic responses… :slight_smile:

Less. I’ve had enough traumatic experiences in my life that I’ve basically come up with a short list of things to stress about (deaths, job loss, serious illness, etc) and if it’s not on that list, there’s just no point in losing sleep about it. Also see point #5.

Can’t think of any offhand. If I were more inclined to stress out about things, I could probably come up with dozens of work-related/personal-related stuff to worry about, like parental health issues, upcoming deadlines at work, a class I’m taking in a few weeks (swim lessons, yay), et freaking cetera, but…see point #1.

Nope.

Nope.

Three ways:

  1. I 'm a big fan of time boundaries. When I’m at work, I’m at work. When I’m on my time off, I’m on my time off. The two are entirely separate portions of my life.

  2. I’m somewhat fatalistic about life. I make my plans and do what I can when I can, but beyond that, what happens, happens. I know I will deal with problems as they arise to the best of my abilities and I will take steps ahead of time to allow myself to do so, and that’s all anyone can hope for. Investing more of myself than that in it is just borrowing trouble. :slight_smile:

  3. I exercise regularly. There’s nothing like a grinding workout to reset my stress levels and take my mind off of problems. The few times I’ve found myself unable to stop obsessing about something, I’ve been able “reset” my brain by working out for an hour or so.

Less.

27

Ok, Miss Pap…you have to look on the bright side. Remember a short time ago when you were unemployed? Now you’re not. You’ve actually GOT that. Enjoy it while you can, because that’s all any of us can do. You’re in an environment that is all about animals. There are tons of connections at your fingertips should illness befall your “little softies”. People are good for the most part (I have to believe that). People will sometimes help you out if your pets get sick.

Take a little time each day to make a mental list of things that are better than they were yesterday. Even little things count. It can do wonders for your general outlook. I don’t want to come off as a delusional “everything’s beautiful” kind of person, but I also don’t ignore the bits of luck that come my way every day. Try to make the best of what you can. Good luck to you!

28

delphica, you’re killing me here! I worry a lot too, and most of it is lunacy such as you describe. But I get a lot of entertainment out of it too. Just yesterday I was looking at these little ornamental mice I have pinned to my bulletin board at work. Someone made them for me by hot-gluing two Hershey’s Kisses together back to back and adding felt ears and googly eyes. I was thinking, “If we ever got trapped at work by a hurricane and the vending machines ran out of food, I could eat those.” So you see, I’m way more prepared for bad things than the average happy-go-lucky idjit. :slight_smile:

29

Finally, a poll made just for me!

  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?
    More. I worry constantly. My husband worries about nothing (or very little). I tell him I worry enough for the both of us.

  2. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.
    Money
    Job
    Family relationships and health of family members
    Friends - Not only do I worry about myself financially, I worry about my friends’ financial well-being. I also worry about their relationships. I just want so badly for everyone I love to be happy.
    After those important ones, I could come up with a whole list of stupid, seemingly unimportant things that I worry about. I can lie awake in bed at night worrying about something stupid and in the morning it seems insignificant.

  3. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?
    Sleeping (see above), and sometimes going out to functions with family and friends. Sometimes I think I have social anxiety disorder, but then when I force myself to go out, I have to be the center of attention and life of the party.

  4. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?
    Of course.

  5. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?
    I don’t cope with my worries very well. Sometimes I get angry at the people/situations that make me worry. Sometimes I cry it out.

  6. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?
    MAybe less. At least it seems that way. When I was in college worry could keep me up for a whole night. Now it’s an hour or two and I can drift off. That could be attributed to finding more effective ways of falling asleep, though. So it’s hard to say. Maybe now I can worry about whether I worry more or less.

  7. WHY do you think you worry so much?
    I’m going to go ahead and blame someone else here. I think it’s at least partially hereditary. My grandfather was a huge worrier, and so is my dad. I’m very much like both of them.

  8. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.
    I think we shouldn’t beat ourselves up so much about worrying. It certainly can’t help. Plus, some amount of worrying has to be good. I think it makes me more fiscally responsible, unlike my husband who never worries and is terrible with money. Which makes me worry.

30

Thank You. Compassionate Friends did contact us and we have had tons of support. Our daughter Sophie died of one of the rarest genetic diseases in the world and it would also be 100% fatal to a new child as well. Our daughter on the way had a 1 in 4 chance of having Sulfite Oxidase Deficiency as well but we recently found out she absolutely does not have it thanks to some heroic work from researchers at Harvard Medical School and some labs in Europe that rushed at breakneck speed to develop a test that did not exist before just for us and our situation.

The house is coming along very well too. My main point is that my threshold for worrying has shifted greatly and I don’t even know if it will ever get down to most people’s or my former level again. It is all relative.

Sometimes I just think about the Serenity Prayer and how accurate it is. Then I think about how, no matter what we do, we will all likely be dead in 50 - 100 years and we are just working on gifted time so the dilemma is how to make the best of that time as a whole without becoming hedonistic and destroying ourselves or being too reserved and just trying to hang on like things are forever when they are not.

31

Not that this would lessen your pain, but I think it’s fantastic that some good came out of such a horrible situation. They created tests so you and other parents won’t have to live through what you guys did. A slight silver lining in an otherwise dreadful storm cloud. I’m so glad you have the peace of mind that your new baby won’t have this disease. High fives to the researchers!

32

  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?
    Average to less.

  2. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.

Money.
That I don’t work hard enough and it will lead me to a Bad End.
That my husband will get into a car accident.
That I will get into a car accident.
That my husband will get sick or hurt.
That my cat will die.
That my grandparents will die.
That my grandparents will die and I will be wracked with guilt for life for moving across the country for grad school and then taking so. damn. long. to finish. so that I wasn’t around for them.
That my students all hate me and think I’m boring and a bad teacher.
That my thesis defense will be a total disaster and I won’t get my degree.
That if by some miracle I do graduate I will crash and burn at my new job, disappoint my new colleagues, not make tenure, and end up tutoring rich idiots for spare change.

  1. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?
    Worrying about financial matters is the worst for me because I end up procrastinating on paying bills, because paying bills means balancing the checkbook, and balancing the checkbook will show how low the balance on the bank accounts are, and I know that’s going to give me that oogie feeling in the pit of my stomach . . . so I put it off, and, duh, get late fees, or bank fees for transfers when the checking account runs out because I haven’t balanced the damn checkbook. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  2. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?
    No. If anything, I worry that I don’t worry enough, that I should worry more and be more motivated to do work.

  3. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?
    Mostly I just try to think about something else. If I have a really persistent worry then I ask myself, Okay, what’s the NEXT thing that I can POSSIBLY do to address this worry? Then I resolve to do it. If the worry pops up again, I remind myself that I have already decided what to do, that I’m going to do it, and that continuing to worry will not accomplish anything more. If all else fails, then I use some relaxation techniques to clear my mind.

  4. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?
    Much less. I was a seriously uptight little kid, until, somewhere in my teens, I think, I suddenly realized that I had a CHOICE whether I was going to worry, or think about something else. Since then I’ve gotten better and better at avoiding my worries, possibly to my detriment.

  5. WHY do you think you worry so much?
    I think some amount of worry is necessary. You have to be aware of the negative things that might happen to you, and spend a little bit of time thinking about them so that you can work out how to best avoid them. Fear and anxiety are some emotions that we all need sometimes to motivate ourselves to think about the future and act to protect ourselves and our families. I worry sometimes that by refusing to think about things that are worrying me, I’m not planning for the future like I should.

  6. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.
    My husband is a much more serious worrier than I am. I worry about him worrying so much. :slight_smile: He worries a lot about things that are totally unlikely, and things that he has absolutely no control over. It reminds me of me when I was younger, actually, and I’d like to help him get over his worries like I did. When he talks about his worries, I try to reassure him that we’re on top of the situation / it’s a long way off, and we’ll be prepared when it comes / it’s not something we have control over, so all we can do is prepare for the eventuallity, and he shouldn’t worry about it, because together, we can handle it. But this sometimes makes him defensive, and he tells me that he can’t help worrying, and he just wants to be prepared for the future. And I agree that we need to be prepared, but I’ve tried preparing for the future with and without worrying myself into fits, and I think that, all in all, I prefer without, and he might want to give it a try, too. I think that he is now less likely to share his worries, because he feels I am dismissive about the things he’s concerned about, so that makes me worry more about what he’s worrying about and not telling me.

He confessed once that he worries I’ll leave him. Seriously, I can’t ever possibly given any hint that the notion of leaving him ever once crossed my mind! Why on earth would I want to leave him? I love him, I appreciate his presence in my life—and I tell him this all the damn time! Damn him and his worrying!

33

At least I don’t have to worry that I am the only person that worries so much! :slight_smile:

My daughter, although she is just 5 1/2 months old, already seems to take after me in some ways. I don’t want to pass this worrying stuff on to her, and I know that although there is nothing I can do about the “nature”, I CAN try to control the “nurture” aspect of her childhood.

I want to be a good model of healthy, productive thinking and reasoning, and not let my worries control me anymore.

I am hoping that although I’ve addressed this issue in counselling before, I will now be more motivated to find healthier ways to deal with these worries.

Isn’t it amazing/depressing to consider the time and energy that many of us spend on worrying?!?!

34

  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?
    Probably more.

  2. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.
    My son - is he happy, is he healthy, is he doing ok, is he ok mentally (he’s a teenager), etc.
    Money - self explanatory
    My job - self explanatory
    My dog - is he happy? Is he sick? Is he glad we adopted him? Does he love me?
    My van - is it fixable? Is there something even wrong with it or am I being paranoid?
    My weekend - what if we fight again?
    My marriage - is it going to last?
    My mom - will she get hurt when she’s traveling - I don’t want her to die!
    My brother - what’s going to happen with his step daughter?
    Easter - where are we going, will we have money, etc.?
    Bills - I’ll never get them paid, and I’m scared sick over the gas bill.
    Will landlady renew my lease?
    Will I have to move?
    Will my husband ever get more work???
    Does my husband still find me attractive?
    Why is my husband behaving oddly lately?
    What’s really going on?

Stuff like that.

  1. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?
    Living

  2. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?
    Yep

  3. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?
    Don’t have one.

  4. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?
    Same - always have been this way. I live in worry/fear

  5. WHY do you think you worry so much?
    Don’t know.

  6. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.
    Have really, really bad headache right now - maybe later.

35

Well, this could be due to the fact that the thread is aimed at those who worry. Hence the title, Poll for those who worry. Of course the answers will be skewed in favor of high worriers. People who don’t worry would most likely igore the thread, or not respond as it wasn’t aimed at them.

36

No offense, but this is the kind of statement that really pisses me off when it comes from self-described non-worriers. Sure, some people can turn their worrying on and off, but other people can’t, even if they know their worries are totally irrational. I have pretty much given up telling people about it because I know they’ll just repeat things I already know but am not smart enough to implement.

I worry a lot about stupid-ass shit that I know is dumb. Way more stupid than worrying about money or people dying, that actually makes sense. So I won’t list it here. I do think that my worrying has benefits, like making me better about managing money (after all, when you have to agonize about every purchase you make and how that is a reflection on your American privilege, you spend a lot less) and more prepared for crisis situations. I don’t think of myself as worrying overly much, I think of other people as not worrying enough. That gets me through the day and gives me a healthy superiority complex. It works.

37
  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?

Average, give or take.

  1. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.

I’m afraid lightning will strike my apartment and fizzle out my brand new computer (this is not a completely inane worry; it DID HAPPEN ONCE!)
I can’t afford car insurance right now and I’m afraid of getting pulled over.
I’m afraid of getting into a car accident. My car isn’t worth much. I’m driving very cautiously, but people still keep trying Suicide By LPN’s Car.
I’m worried about my father’s health – it’s relatively good but he did have that heart attack a few years ago. I think I’d go crazy if he wasn’t around.
I’m worried about my mother’s health – she’s quite overweight and diabetic to boot. I might not go quite as crazy if she died, but I’d be a total wreck for a long while.
I’m worried about all my debt and my very bad credit.
I’m afraid of getting my utilities turned off.
I’m afraid of getting no answer for the third time of applying to my dream job.
I’m afraid of having to go to work at Dell – high pay, yes, but I don’t want to give up my soul. :frowning:
I’m afraid of not being able to get a job at all in the next few weeks. At least I should still be able to pay my rent, but unemployment scares me.
3. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?

I try not to let it. I got a wonderful job once by saying “So they’re probably going to say no, but you DEFINITELY won’t get anywhere if you don’t apply.” I’ve balked on taking trips for fear that I’ll get clocked over the speedlimit by a mile or two (not unheard of in tiny Texas towns that seem to make their entire budget on traffic tickets) and find out there’s a traffic warrant out for me and I’ll get arrested.

  1. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?

Yes, especially when I’m sitting staring into nothingness for an hour just overcome with dread.

  1. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?

Be prepared, be prepared, be prepared. Try to keep what I’m worried about from happening. Realize that I can’t control everything – try to realize that, at least. :wink: Pray – I know it isn’t going to do any good, logically, but it sure makes me feel better, and that in itself makes me feel better. Sometimes I talk to a good friend, and they can give me a reality check.

But mostly I play a game or read a book. I do that with a lot of my time. THAT worries me – I get rid of my worries by retreating from reality.

  1. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?

Less. I have more to worry about sometimes, but I don’t let it stay on my mind.

  1. WHY do you think you worry so much?

I have reason to, frankly. Not as much as I think I do, since in all extremity I still have a family who loves me and will take care of me while I’m getting back on my feet, if I ever need to. I know a place or two where I can work – not for very much money, but probably enough to keep afloat for a while. But I love my one-bedroom apartment where I get to live alone, to live my life as I want to, to just jaunt off for a weekend to visit friends. I like having those little freedoms and I dread losing them.

  1. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.

I tend to relax when I take apart all I’m worrying about into its component bits. I can’t get a job? Well technically I can, but it won’t pay me much and it won’t be great fun. I’m low on money and can’t make my rent? I can borrow money or take something to the pawn shop if worse comes to worst – I have Nice Things. Sometimes I just can’t help worrying about irrational things, and having a friend to unload on can be a real blessing.

38

Sorry, I didn’t mean it to be offensive. Partly what I was trying to express was my frustration with knowing that he can’t just turn it off. And while I currently describe myself as a non-worrier, as I said, I used to be a big-time worrier (I wish I could go back in time and have a long talk with my 8-year-old self about nuclear war, the existence of God and Hell, and whether my mama and papa were going to die in a fiery car crash), so I know what it’s like. I’m glad I was able to out grow it, or learn the right skills to curb the anxiety, or whatever it was that happened to me. I wish I knew how to explain it to other people, too, but I recognize that it’s not simple, and I cna’t. Hell, I can’t stop picking at my hangnails, and that’s irrational, too. So while I’m frustrated dealing with my worry-wort husband sometimes, I try my best not to get on a high horse about it.

39
  1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?

Used to until I had panic attacks. I have anxiety issues.

  1. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.

I worry about very little anymore since getting help.

  1. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?

It used to be paralyzing!!! I’d get NOTHING done.

  1. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?

I did.

  1. What are your strategies for coping with your worries?

Putting them on paper, working through the ones I can (ie: money, health, housekeeping etc.) and convincing myself that the others are things I cannot do anything about. I watch my diet (big issue for me, esp. simple carbs) and get plenty of exercise when I feel overwhelmed.

  1. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?

Much much less. I don’t recognize who I am from just a year ago.

  1. WHY do you think you worry so much?

See above. Also, growing up with alcoholism made life very unpredictable. I also am very sensitive to other people’s emotions and “auras” and have a tendency to internalize them.

  1. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.

Speak to your Dr. about it. Learn everything you can. Look up general anxiety disorder. Make a list of your worries and decide whether they are valid or not. Just having them down on paper can put them into better perspective (the “unknown” and all that.) If they are, start taking small steps to fix it. That in itself is empowering. Worry is the feeling of lack of power over your life. You have it inside of you.

40

1. Do you think you worry more or less than the “average” person?

I worry far more than the average person. I’m probably in the upper 15 percentile.

2. If you don’t mind sharing, what are your current worries? Put them in order of smallest to biggest if you like.

Worries in ascending order:

[ul]
[li]Even though I always allow for plenty of time, will I be late for work?[/li][li]Will I oversleep my alarm or turn it off completely instead of hitting the snooze button?[/li][li]Will my computer crash and cause me to lose data that I haven’t backed up yet?[/li][li]Now that my car is nearly paid off, how many years of payment-free driving I will get out of it[/li][li]State of my health (it’s still good, as far as I know, other than that I am overweight)[/li][li]Will I get a raise and start earning more money, or should I dust off my resume and hit the job trail again?[/li][li]How are my cats doing? Are they healthy and happy?[/li][li]How is brother, who lives with me doing? He’s handicapped and emotionally sensitive, so I take extra care to look after his well-being.[/li][li]My grandfather is 90. He’s still sharp as a tack mentally, but physically he has been slowing down. How much longer will he be around?[/li][li]Finances, getting caught up on bills, preserving my credit rating[/li][li]How to repay an unemployment claim that was later denied thanks to the assholes at my former workplace (a Pit rant I never bothered to write but should have)[/li][/ul]

3. Does worrying ever get in the way of your doing something?

Often times, yes. I mull it over and procrastinate, rather than try to seek solutions and act upon them.

4. Do you ever worry about how much you worry?

Not really. I concentrate more on the specific causes of these worries.

**5. What are your strategies for coping with your worries? **

Try to ask myself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” and then try to evaulate the probability for such a worst-case scenario. Remind myself that in most situations, the worst-case scenario never comes to be. I also have to remind yself that I have been through worse and have survived. I also try to listen to music or watch a movie, but this never works. I know that I am only kidding myself when I know the purpose of such an activity is to take my mind off of something, which only serves to defeat the purpose.

6. Do you think you worry more than you used to, less than you used to, or the same?

Probably not quite as much as I used to worry back when I had grades and girlfriends in my life, but I still worry more than I should.

7. WHY do you think you worry so much?

I’m a natural-born pessimist. I always anticipate and expect the worst and therefore try to prepare for it. Perhaps it’s herditary as my sister is just as much of a worrier as I am, if not worse.

8. Please share any other thoughts you may have about worrying.

Dale Carnegie has a book titled “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” It’s a good book and is one I would recommend. Perhaps I should crack it open again.