Poll: I just met someone via the internet --a game

In My Humble Opinion
1

I couldn’t decide whether this belongs in IMHO, or MPTIMS. If need be, mods, please move. My apologies.

I posted a Craig’s List personal outlining who I am and what I am looking for in a woman. Ladies, please go here and critique my post:

here

In her description of herself, she said that she was 38 (my age) and, this is the kicker, unmarried, and no kids. This threw up red flags for me.

My question to the Teeming Millions, is what is your opinion on the person that responded.

I already know the answer, as I saw her picture tonite. I just want to confirm my insight.

The rules for this poll, please tally your results based on previous posts. Meaning, if the previous count for “hot” = 1, tally your count for “hot” = “hot_count” + 1.

Have fun.

2

I’m not sure what you’re asking, with all the hot + 1 business, but why did red flags go up? Are you married? Do you have kids? (I would check your listing, but CL is blocked for me).

3

Divorced, 1 kid. Red flags went up when I read “38 years old, never married.” In my Vast Experience In Lifetm", I have not known an attractive woman who has acheived this status at this point in her life.

If any of you want to pit me for this, feel free to do so.

4

let me clarify, sorry. Unmarried should read, “never married”. Again, my apologies.

5

I’m not sure how you’re pittable for simply stating that it’s more common to have been married and/or bred by 38 than not. That’s just the way it goes.

I’m not getting exactly why that’s a red flag for you though. Does it seem so unlikely that it leads you to believe she must be concealing something about her past? Is it that you feel anyone making it that long and still single is eminently unmarryable? Too much of a training period with someone who’s single habits are that long-standing? What is it that you were looking for that being single and childless isn’t a part of?

6

Meh, no red flags for me based just on her description. Ever hear of “haven’t met the right person yet” or “don’t want to get married right now”?

Mr. S was 32 when I met him, never married, just had had really bad dating luck. We’ve been married almost 16 years now and he’s quite the prince. Those dumb chicks that passed him over don’t know what they’re missing. Then again, it probably wouldn’t have happened because they weren’t right for him anyway.

Frankly, I’d be more cautious with somebody who’d been divorced. I’d want to know a whole lot about why it didn’t work.

7

wow. This opened up a whole can of worms.

Please, everyone. go on. I like this. I want opinions.

This is why this is in IMHO and not “the other one”.

8

Frankly, typos and grammatical errors aside you sound like kind of a jerk to me.

For one thing, it’s entirely possible to both “date honestly” and date more than one person at a time. If that’s not your thing, that’s fine (it’s not really mine either), but don’t make it sound like honesty and dating more than one person at a time are contradictory.

For another, what the hell is up with the “If you don’t have children of your own, (less than 2 kids, please) you simply can’t understand what it is like to be a single parent and I just don’t feel comfortable putting that kind of burden on on someone so totally unprepared” bit? Do you really think that no childless woman could be capable of dating you? I’ve dated single dads, and the ones who had their shit together weren’t a “burden” at all. Of course there are more complications that come with being a single parent, but stating that no one who doesn’t have kids could possibly cope with them is beyond condescending and insulting. And not only do you demand that the woman be a parent, you want to limit the number of kids she does have! Seriously, there is a lot wrong with this part.

And for another, the part about your height comes off as way too defensive. If you really don’t care that you’re 5’6, why make such a big deal out of it? How can you be almost 40 and still giving a shit about something you have no control over? That was the third red flag for me – and when it comes to online dating profiles, 3 strikes are an out.

All of this is just one woman’s opinion, of course, and all it means is that you and I would not be a good match. :slight_smile: But you asked, so I answered.

This adds to my “jerk” assumption. Not in a Pit-worthy kind of way (and only someone insecure in his opinion would dare the rest of us to Pit him for a very mild statement), just in a “gee, ever meet a conclusion you didn’t jump to?” kind of way. Yes, I’ll admit that if I come across the profile of a 40-year-old man who has never been married I might wonder why – but it would be no more of a red flag than a divorce, or a lack of a photo. Call it more of a yellow flag. A light yellow flag. Seeing “38 and unmarried” and immediately thinking “woah, must be ugly/damaged/otherwise undateable” is just silly. Besides, couldn’t “unmarried” also mean “not currently married?”

Just to clarify, I’m not calling you a jerk: I’m saying that the wording in your profile and the way you responded to that woman’s description raise “jerk” flags with me. It’s entirely possible that you’re a very decent guy, and just not coming across very well to this particular woman in this particular thread. :slight_smile:

9

Hi, I’m 38, married, just had my first kid, and in tampa bay also. (and I love craigslist)

Your post: me thinks thou dost protest too much. I’m 5’8" and I’ve never been the one with a hang up on height, it has always been the man. You sound like you want to give away the farm to the first city girl to stray your way. The amount you seem to demand from the git go is a tad much for someone our age. There is no way I would get that emotionally invested right off. If I was still single, I would most certainly had enough time to figure out one date isn’t enough to cull my dating field, even if it was a dating field of two.

I have had several long term relationships (5 years, 3 years, 5 years before marriage) and but one proposal. In this day and age, it is not uncommon to practice serial monogamy that does not necessarily lead to marriage. It is also not uncommon for guys to dilly dally around much longer than necessary before deciding you are not “the one.” So she’s 38 and never been married, has she had significant relationships? Have you? What is her job situation? Does she have the type of job that requires long hours/lots of travel? We live in a world where the woman does not marry out of her parents house. Maybe she just hasn’t gotten around to it yet. Pardon my bluntness, but you did, and it didn’t work out. Maybe she has successfully weeded out folks she should not have married, while you kinda didn’t do so well on that one.

I deal almost exclusively with men at my job, I hear several times a day how pretty I am, how lucky my husband is, where was he when I was single. blah blah blah, they didn’t want me, trust me, I dated enough to know, there was not a line beating down my door.

As far as the kids go, let me give you fair warning. My brother was in the reverse situation, he didn’t want to date a woman with kids. He met a girl who was 22 with two kids (both born before she was 18) and they just celebrated their 12th anniversary, and those kids are his life, and have been his life for a very long time, as is his wife. He almost through her away because she DID have kids. Trust me, you would be fortunate to find someone with or without kids who would love your kids as much as my brother loves his wifes. You are looking for the holy grail, yet eliminating someone that could be that person because “they don’t know what it’s like.” Pardon my bluntness, but I don’t have a clue what it is like to have a penis, be from a wealthy family, have a trust account. All things my husband has, doesn’t take one bit away from our relationship. A relationship is you and someone else no matter what. A marriage is thick, thin, richer, poorer, sicker, healthier. Not parent or not parent, not nevermarried or divorced.

I recently went through a thing with my husband. He was a drug addict the entire time I was pregnant, we almost lost our home. He blew through his trust and left us penniless. I have stood by him, help him sober up and supported his effort to be clean. I am a smart, attractive, thin, exceedingly loyal, absolutely trustworthy, well-read, hard-working, honest to a fault, devoted wife. If I was not married, you would eliminate me and for all you know, if it wasn’t for my cursed height, I could have been the woman you have waited your whole life for. Ooops, sorry, I didn’t marry or breed anyone before you came along, sorry, had I known, I would have rushed right out.

What is this world coming to? Women are eliminated because they have been married and DO have kids, now eliminated because they haven’t been married and DO NOT have kids.

My husband and I are complete opposites, we just had our 6th anniversary and have been together 11 years. No way if either one of us was as rigid as you, would we have even made it to the first date.

Things we couldn’t be more opposite about: movies, music, books, television, activities, religion, taste in colognes, politics…shall I continue?

We also worked together side-by-side for 5 years, while living, commuting, eating together. We fit together phenomenally well, in spite of all that stuff.

You never know what is behind door number 3 unless you pick it.

Oh, take that crap out about requiring x number of children. It’s ridiculous.

10

Well, I probably wouldn’t have even given seeing “unmarried” a second thought. However, I’m 25 and it’s not a priority for me, so take this as you will.

So, seeing as it was pointed out, the only thing that came to mind upon seeing “unmarried” stressed for us to take notice is that it doesn’t say she’s not in another relationship. Unmarried to me is not the same as single.

11

I am 51, female, never married, and neither malformed nor psychotic.

And, yeah, you sound way too defensive about your height.

12

When you ask for our opinion of the person, do you want us to tell you whether she is hot or not because she never got married?

13

Critique of your ad:
You somehow manage to come across as full of yourself and insecure at the same time.

As for the woman responding, I can’t imagine why you’d think it’s a big deal that she’s unmarried at 38 years old. It’s not necessarily a sign that she has any sort of personality disorder, or that she’s a hideous wildebeest. My cousin’s gorgeous, 35, completely sane, and unmarried, simply because she hasn’t come across the right man yet. Better unmarried than divorced three times, as far as I’m concerned.