There’s a couple personal ads on Craig’s List here in Denver for women who are 45 years old and have never been married (or one woman with 2 ads but they seem different enough).
Would you, as a person looking to date, be indifferent, attracted, or worried by a middle-aged, potential “datee” who had never married?
On the positive hand, they’re probably low baggage. No ex-spouse to deal with, maybe no kids. That’s low drama.
On the negative hand, maybe they hit 45 years old because they’re insane or stalkerish and have driven off all their earlier dates. Maybe they’re just homely. Maybe they talk like Fran Drescher.
What’s your knee-jerk reaction to “45 and never married”?
Anyone I’ve known in that position was either weirdly asexual or had some sort of glaring, off-putting flaw (usually a personality one) that they were completely oblivious of.
As a never-married 41yo, I’d be curious, and predisposed to view the lady positively (especially if she didn’t indicate trampy or homebody tastes in her profile).
I’ve often thought that all us never-married-over-40 folks ought to be thrown into a big pit and be made to sort ourselves into couples before we can climb out.
After about five days VCO3 comes with a machine gun and the culling begins.
I’d be fine with it, because ISTM that all guys in my demo (38) who are currently single have either (a) never had a relationship that was important enough to end in marriage or (b) did have that relationship and failed at it. I don’t think either of those is automatically better than the other.
It’s also worth noting that it’s a little over-simplistic to assume “never married” means “always been single.” There are a lot of people who have multi-year LTRs that just never get married. That doesn’t mean they don’t have kids, exes, or baggage.
My fiancée is close to that age and never been married before. Definitely not “weirdly asexual,” no off-putting flaws (at least not to me). Some women just don’t consider marriage a high priority in life, and have a “if it happens, it happens, if not, that’s OK too” attitude.
45, never married, and posting personal ads on Craigslist, now that might be a little different. But people’s priorities do change.
45 year old and never married? In this day and age in particular, with divorce rates so high, child support, half of one’s property gone , and everything else that can potentially - note I said potentially so don’t jump on me - come with marriage and then divorce, I would think he was being very cautious. He might even be commitment-phobic but it wouldn’t actively turn me off. Hell, it might even be interesting to me. I tend to run from men with kids anyway, and too much baggage is a turn off for anyone.
I’d wonder about it, but it wouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. I’ve known lots of folks who’ve been in live-together relationships for ten years or more. Maybe they were taking care of elderly parents or something. You never know.
Exactly, Anaamika. I have not yet enjoyed the experience of giving half of my stuff to someone I hate. Some people want to see that as a character flaw. I see it as still being in ownership of my own life.
Yeah. I’m not forty-five yet, but I get stick from people about never having been married. I always say, “Well, yes, but I’ve never had to get a divorce, either.”
Even if you’re happily married, there’s still another side to it. My brother loves his wife of 28 years very much, but I can tell that he’s sometimes envious of my freedom. I’ve never envied his life.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore his wife, as well as their children. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for any of them. But to be with the same woman from high school 'til death? Not for me.
My sister is 50 and never been married. She a great, funny person but the timing just never worked. Once you leave school (college/grad) sometimes it’s just hard to find people.
