It’s always quite amusing watching folks who have never been married do all kinds of contortions when you bring up the fact that they have managed to avoid marriage all the way into their 50’s because of plain ole FEAR.
There is no question that it has to do with FEAR ----- of commitment, failure, their abilities, etc…
They come up with every argument in the book about why they have never tied the knot except the plain ole fact that it is that one little or big thing within them that says; “I’m terrified… ummm…, I just can’t do it… what if X, what if Y, and did you happen to see what happened to A when he divorced B, and on and on…”
What you never once hear em saying is that there are more Mr. & Mrs. Rights currently married and living a happily ever after life that they could look at and emulate rather than always basing their arguments on the negatives. These noteworthy folks agreed to remain with each other “until death” and have done so despite all that has come their way. They have had fear but have managed to look overcome it and now see it in their rearview mirror.
Just admit it, if you’ve never married all the way into your 50’s, even though you’d love to, stop making excuses… you’re just a coward.
This forum is for debates, not to “let me go to an anonymous message board and take pot shots at some unnamed acquaintance of mine who does not happen to have gotten married before his or her 50th birthday.”
If you believe that you have a serious point to debate, then please express it in a polite format. Otherwise, I am shutting this thread down as unnecessarily hostile for no good reason. (We tolerate a certain amount of inherent hostility in political or religious or even scientific threads, because the hostility already exists. We have no such habit of permitting sweeping claims that attack (unknown) people for personal characteristics.)
[ /Modding ]
I knew a couple who chose never to get married, because they felt their couple was “more honest” without some government contract to forcibly keep them together (they’re both anti-religion atheists, so the religious aspect only factored inasmuch as it was another objection to marriage).
The way they saw it, seems to me, was actually *riskier * and more courageous than marriage, since they granted each other the right to leave, yet still were committed to an impermanent relationship.
Had three kids, and AFAIK (haven’t seen them since her son and I parted way after high school) they’re still together.
Tom, my point in here is that a person who would like to get married and has not done so all the way into their 50’s, may very well be so afraid of the negative consequences that they are unable to make a commitment - that is FEAR.
Not sure what common law marriage is, or if it exists here in France. AFAIK you’re either married (or, more recently, PACS’d, which is our totally-not-gay-marriage civil union) by your city hall, or you’re not married, period. They filed separate tax returns, had separate bank accounts, the kids were legally recognized by the father, but bore their mother’s name etc…
Essentially, while they considered themselves an exclusive couple and lived together, they voluntarily declined to make it official in any way, to leave each other the possibility of bailing at any time should the love die. I don’t know how that fits into your idea of what’s fear and what’s not. I think it’s sweet (and gutsy) myself.
I believe the purpose of a common law marriage is to get the Government to recognize a marriage that was not formalized. Depending on the locale, this may happen by a law or on a case by case basis. Thus, the only reason they would have to declare themselves common law married would be if the Government had to get involved, like in a custody hearing or insurance claim.
As for the OP, I think it is specious to assume one reason for all the cases in question. I do agree that fear of commitment might be a factor. But there are also people who are just that bad with romantic relationships. Or people who are just unlucky in love. Or people who continue to have too high standards. Or people who–well, I think you get the idea.
Thanks again Kobal2, yes it does fit into what I’m talking about and I do apologize if what folks seem to be upset about is my use of the word “coward.” People who go ahead and join themselves together sans government or God, do that out of sheer guts and the belief that it is the right thing for their family and their commitment to one another. They’re not overwhelmed with the fear of maybe this or the other thing.
No question? You left out the word “love” in your condemnation of the unmarried.
Of all the women I’ve dated there is only 1 would have married. Of all the women I would consider marrying, 2 of them are already married and I wouldn’t think of interfering with that.
I just came back from the funeral of a guy who died before his time. After seeing pictures of his youth I found myself envious of him. He is one of the few people I’ve met who understood the journey of life at an early age and was lucky enough to board that train when he did.
You, I do not envy. I wish you well on your journey.