I’ve recently been cut loose from a long-term relationship, and I’m considering getting back into the dating game at some point.
For those of you who are cute females, my question is: Wanna go on a date? For the rest of you, how do you respond to a date asking you why you’ve never gotten married?
I remember seeing it come up on the board before, and the one answer I remember is “None of your damned business.” Truly that’s a good answer, but it also guarantees no second date. Which may be OK, because who’d want to date someone who asks such invasive questions. On the other hand, a woman has a right to know if she’s about to date someone with commitment issues.
So let’s assume some facts about you: You are a 45 year old man who has never been married or engaged, and has no children. You can see yourself married to a handful of certain women, because they are so awesome you want them all to yourself for ever. They are so awesome, in fact, that they’d never date you. So you have never scored on that front.
You have been in a few relationships where your partner wanted – practically begged – you to marry them. You would rather have spent eternity jabbing knitting needles in your eyes.
Finally, you really enjoy living alone. Spending the rest of your life dating – even the same person – without commitment and cohabitation is something you could do.
Explaining all of this could well make you out to be a loser, a psychopathic loner, or afraid of commitment. Sometimes you believe it yourself.
My brother - 39, divorced lives in Miami, and is now an internet e-harmony.com whore.
How does he answer the - how come you haven’t been married (again)?
I’m looking for a woman who likes to surf and ride dirt bikes…Heh - just kidding. Seriously, He says he wants to make sure this time he chooses the right mate, and he’s not afraid to tell them he has made some mistakes. Honesty, is best policy.
I remember one woman I courted years ago, and – actually I don’t remember her. At all. All I remember was her rudeness. Obviously that never went anywhere. But her response to that was “Oh come one. In all the time you’ve been dating, you haven’t met one woman you’d marry? Tell the truth – what’s really going on?”
In fact, she’s the reason I started this thread. I want to avoid that happening again. Then again, maybe it’s a good way to weed out the Very Rude.
you dont need an answer for questions like that. if someone asks you just tell them your doing your thing and not to worry about you significant other status…
I have two standard answers – both of which have the benefit of being true . “I never met anyone I couldn’t live without” and “I never wanted kids, and if you don’t want kids, marriage becomes less of a priority.”
And that’s what I did. It’s funny how I can remember lots of women I went on just one date with, but not that one. Very forgettable.
The answer I’ve been thinking of is that I just wasn’t ready for it in my past. Truthful enough, and it sends the message that now I might be. Maybe. With the right woman. With the REALLY right woman.
One answer I had that worked great with bitter divorcees is that yeah, I’ve never been married, but I’ve also never been divorced.
My uncle (who is almost 60, never been married) used to say that he’d never met a woman who could afford to keep him in the style to which he’d like to become accustomed. (never met a woman who was rich enough).
At this point, I think there is also an element of he likes his independence and space too well to share.
I think it’s fair to say you haven’t found the right person nor had the inclination until recently, but that you are finding that you’re more interested in exploring that option now. There are so many kinds of people and so many kinds of relationships. I don’t really see this as a big obstacle for the majority of women out there.
I’m no dating expert, but I would think this would be a big advantage-- no meddlesome ex-wife, no alimony or child support payments, no “do I live up to the standard of the old wife” doubt, etc. I would think that when you get to a certain age range, a guy without that kind of baggage would seem like a rare prize.
I was going to be, but there was an accident when we filed for the license, and she was deported to Canada. I tried to follow, but I couldn’t get a visa because of my felony convictions.
“My God, you’re right! I never realized it before, but–I’m gay!” [stand up] “Thank you, thank you so much!”
If she laughs & tells me to sit back down, she’s a keeper. If she takes me seriously, not so much. If she just thinks I’m an asshole, that’s OK; at least she knows now.
I would start with one of these–they made me laugh–and then say something like, “Seriously, there isn’t one good answer. It wasn’t like I was against the idea or planned it that way, it just didn’t happen. I’ve been in a few long-term relationships, and I’ve thought of it once in a while, but I don’t know, the stars just never aligned or something. Truthfully, I’ll be happy if it happens, but I’m also happy on my own.”
It seems like a reasonable question to me, asked in the right tone of voice and in the middle of an otherwise cosy conversation. But then, I’d be willing to answer similarly intimate questions, if asked back.
For the rest of you, how do you respond to a date asking you why you’ve never gotten married?
