Really dumb and counterproductive stuff you see in dating profiles

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve done a lot of online dating. The dumbth in the profiles never ceases to amaze me. It really makes me weep for humanity. As a straight guy, I have encountered the following. I know from friends that men are just as bad, probably worse, and I’m sure you’ll have stuff to share. In no particular order:

• Spittle-flecked rage. “I’m not here for a hookup! No more games! I’ve got five kids, and they will always come first. If you don’t like that, move along!” This just looks so bad. I simply will never message anyone who has that kind of crap in her profile. I assume the person has a lot of pent up resentment ready to share.

• Kids in pictures. There is a large variety! Picture showing mom proudly with kid. A very common one is the car selfie with the kid in the back seat, peeking. And sometimes just the kid(s)! First, respect your kids’ privacy: they are not autonomous participants on the dating site. Second, you are selling yourself as a partner/lover/etc., not a parent. Focus on the job at hand!

• Pregnant chicks?! I swear there was one yesterday with a chick with proud preggo selfies and the message that she had five and one on the way! Maybe deal with the new baby before trying to get a new man?!

• Pics with multiple people and you can’t tell who the person is. First, that friend standing next to you? She’s hotter than you. Yes, it always works that way. Second, again, those people are not autonomous participants on the dating site! Third, just sell yourself! (Certain photos I can understand, such as at sports events where the desire perhaps is to show the person is active.)

• Pics rotated to the side, sometimes even the profile pic! You can’t be arsed to put your pix up right?

• Saying what is not wanted. Saying you only date white guys just sounds terrible. You will turn off white guys that are not racist. Saying you only date guys over a certain height also sounds bad. In general, any kind of negativity is ill-advised! Women get tons of messages anyway–there’s no point in trying to filter out what is not wanted by saying so in the profile blurb.

Those I think are some fairly objective errors. Of course, the sad world of online dating, which reflects our sad world overall, has a lot more sad stuff in it. Pix of grotesque tattoos, blurbs full of garbled “prose” and ignorant sentiments, and stupidity in all its forms.

What have you seen that has blown your mind?

2

You’re wrong about the kids pics. The point is, they don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t want to hear about the kids.

And you’re wrong about the list of wants, too. Women get loads of messages, most of them stupid. Men who can’t be bothered to read the list and see if they’re a match, self-select themselves right out of the pool.

As far as the pregnant chick goes - look, it’s better to be upfront about things. You wouldn’t want to find out a month in, would you?

Internet dating is brutal sport. People who tell you who they are upfront are doing you a favor.

3

Duck faces. Does anyone think this is attractive?

Camera angles and picture composition intended to hide the fact that you’re plus sized. It’s obvious that you’re hiding something. In any case, honesty is better. Why not weed out the people who care about that?

No pictures of yourself. I don’t want to see pictures of your dog, some cutesy cartoon, or the latest meme.

Multiple pictures showing different women. Which one is you and why are you showing me these other women?

4

I don’t agree. There is always somewhere in the profile fields to indicate if you have kids or not. I don’t mind someone mentioning their kids in a cool way. To me the number one thing is your kids haven’t agreed to have their images used in a dating profile. Some people will recognize this and actually cover their faces up graphically (which is another dumb thing you see–if you need to black out someone’s face, don’t use that photo!).

I didn’t say don’t put in a list of wants–I think that’s fine. I’m talking about putting in a list of negatives.

Sure someone should be upfront. But don’t try to date while pregnant! How is that ever going to be a good situation? (I can name one exception: I actually went on a date with a surrogate mother, mostly out of curiosity. But still, she literally gave birth a week or two later. Wait a bit, maybe?!)

We agree on this point! I would say dating in general.

5

It seems like chicks of a certain age and IQ go in for this.

This seems to have gotten better inasmuch as at least OKCupid and POF have a body type field, so people have to objectively lie now to get away with it. But the trickery you describe still exists, of course.

Yes, and one may safely assume the person is not attractive from this behavior.

6

Ok, so what you’re saying is: people who are obviously wrong for you should be less obvious about it, so you’ll have to waste more time figuring out that they’re wrong for you?

7

I’m not following your logic.

8

iljitsch means you’re looking at the things you’re complaining about in wrong way. Instead, look at them as the people demonstrating the behaviors you noted are wrong for you, and are displaying this as obvious and unequivocal flags, thereby making them easy to spot and reject.

It’s like the woman who says “I would never marry a man who wouldn’t buy me a $20,000 diamond engagement ring” is obviously wrong for a man who says “I would never want to marry a woman who insists on a $20,000 diamond wedding ring.” You think, “I would never date a woman who fills her profile with spittle-flecked rage.” Bingo, all those posts full of rage are easy to reject as possible romantic partners.

9

Yes, that’s true. But I’m still smh about these things along the way.

10

Online dating is worse. If a woman is ready to meet a solid guy, no later if she puts “LTR” in the checkbox and goes negative as the OP cites with “not looking for a hookup,” her inbox is still full of messages as if she had gone to a meat market bar. Worse, since it takes less nerve to send that message than to walk up and pitch it in person.

Before online dating, outside the meat markets, you were getting to better know someone you already at least somewhat knew. By then you’d gotten past the red flags and superficial judgement. Online, that’s the whole point of the exercise. And it sucks for guys because they still pay for the first few dates. But they get ghosted after the first few dates because the pool of suitors is so full.

11

Women who don’t bring much to the table (no career, little education, not much to look at, lots of baggage) who have massive laundry lists of traits a man must have, usually traits that the woman herself does not have. It is a nightmare.

12

It seems like your syh because you’re assuming your reaction is universally or nearly universally shared. But I’d bet you’re wrong. I’d bet these women get tons of contact from guys who are into them partly because of the very things you’re syh at. For example, some guys have kids of their own and want to connect with somebody that has kids. Some guys like being able to listen to a romantic interest talk about their troubles. Etc.

13

I always like the LONG list of MUST haves. Or even better in combo with another list of MUST NOTS.

If each requirement removes a good fraction of possible candidates, it doesn’t take many of them before your chance of somebody actually meeting all those MUSTS and finding your ad and actually living in your area are pretty much zero.

I guess these people have never multiplied a decent length string of fractions together.

14

Only if the traits are uncorrelated! If tall people tend to be richer (and rich people tend to be taller), then asking for someone in the upper 50% of tallness and richness doesn’t drop you down to 25% of possible applicants. If you had 10 people who were strictly ordered in both income and height, you wouldn’t be restricting the applicant pool at all with the extra condition.

Of course, a lot of what’s being asked for is very arbitrary and often petty, so you still really cut down the population, but it’s not by just a simple multiplication of percentages.

Now I just need to find out a way to screen for women who like their dating partners to be statistically rigorous…

15

Remided me of another one; use of chatspeak acronyms. If your schedule is so packed that you can’t be bothered to type three more words, then you don’t have time for dating, kwim?

16

this is a fount of knowledge Check out the other articles, such as on what works in a profile and pic and what not.

17

I have zero experience with online dating. So I signed up with OKCupid, to see what it was like. I’m on the “choose your type” page. (I’m assuming these are actual profile pics, from women on the site.) First I’m surprised how many there are. Second, some of them are f-ing hotties. I did not expect that. Maybe I’m just stupid?

But to continue with the theme of the OP:

  • There’s one with a woman who looks to be passed-out drunk. Seriously? Please, do not complain about the messages you get.

  • A photo of a man kissing a woman. Um… so, are you two still together?

  • Another with a girl leaning into a guy (a couples’ photo) with the guy partly cropped out. (You’re really not trying that hard here, are you?)

  • Two-girl photos: “Do you two come as a package?”

  • Part-face photos. I’ll guess they’re trying to protect their privacy, but a lot of them look like they literally do not know how to take a picture.

  • A girl posed next to a fresh gravestone. I know there’s a story there, but is this really the right venue?

  • Wrong-age pictures. It says under your photo you’re 50. Yes,that 25-year old photo looks great. You know you’re going to meet the guy at some point, right?

  • All-body (no face) photos: yes, that’s a fabulous body you’ve got, and it looks great in that bikini. But you don’t have a face… I’m not sure that’s the message you’re trying to send.

  • Children photos: There’s a woman with a baby, which I think is fine. I’m with the OP when it comes to older kids, though. Kids are identifiable, and have lives of their own lives. There’s a bit of an “ick” factor there.

Having said all that - first impressions only - kinda makes me wish I was young and single again.

18

Heh. Thanks for taking the bullet.

19

“I don’t want a boy, I want a MAN.”

Shut your fucking trap, bitch.

20

So are there people actually doing it as “a sport”? I mean, is it just a fantasy game, or diversion, or a past time for them, and so they just put up whatever, and then when the other person finds out the truth, it’s just, “Nice talking to you, bye”?