It’s a hoot to look at some of the younger-guy profiles. A huge percentage, if not the outright majority, of them have a girl’s head in the corner of the photo. We guessed that he was looking through some pictures, thought this was a good one of him, and it didn’t occur to him that there might be, ahem, SOMEONE ELSE in the picture.
And then you have the “must be discreet” ones. I used to see those a lot in the newspaper ads.
It is a difficult comparison. I have always had trouble just finding people I was interested in and attracted to. I went to college, didn’t meet her, went to Japan and met my ex-wife but not really anyone else. If online dating had existed back in the 1990s, I almost certainly would not have married my ex-wife and gone back to Japan. One of the main reasons I married her is that I just hadn’t met anyone else and I wanted to get married, have kids, and so on. Not having met and dated enough other people also meant that I was ignorant that certain behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. I tolerated it and have had to deal with it. I think if you’re really picky like me, online dating can vastly extend the candidates you can look at and find someone “special.” That said, I’ve still failed. But I met people I certainly would not have met otherwise, such as people outside my geographic area and have certainly learned a great deal.
As for the experience itself, both have their pros and cons. The biggest thing that ruins it for both men and women is jackass, low-grade men spamming everyone on the sites. It gives women a lot of crap to wade through, so they have less time for genuine candidates. Moreover, it gives them a false sense of being in demand, so I think they are more likely to blow off genuine candidates.
The trouble I have now with offline dating is that, even if I see someone that is attractive and want to ask her out, I just don’t know anything about her. Of course, that was always the case, but online dating has in effect spoiled me. Or perhaps it has educated me: most people, even if they are mutually physically attracted, have some deal-breaker that will prevent the success of the relationship. It’s better to know those sooner than later. The advantage of offline dating, however, is that you know at least that you find each other physically attracted before you go on the date. All of the time I go on dates from online, and I have to take one look and know it’s not going to work based on attraction alone.
That’s on purpose. The idea is that already having a girl makes the guy more attractive to other girls. And considering how fucked up in the head most humans are, I wouldn’t even be surprised if it works, at least on a subliminal level.
Preselection. It works. Even married men are supposed to be more attractive to other girls just for being married.
I saw this one, once: “You have have achieved and executed a successful life, you are extremely generous and kind. You exude confidence (but not arrogance). 40-55, single, handsome, financial secure, tall, smart, charismatic, intelligent, international, bi/tri-lingual, sporty, respectful, and know how to appreciate, and treat a real lady.” - saved it for posterity since I thought it was so glorious. She was 41, not particular pretty.
I see what you mean. 41 and not pretty? Better just settle for what you can get.
(Seriously, it pains me that age and hotness is what you recall. Was this woman highly educated and successful herself? Intelligent? Does any of that matter, or does 41-and-not-pretty trump all?)
Yes it does. Education and a successful career means little to me either way. She can be a unemployed, a school teacher or CEO of Apple. Whatever. Looks, age, fun, a nice personality. Those are way more important.
It’s a classic mistake a lot of women make, to assume that men’s interests in a potential partner are the same as their own interests in a potential partner. So they assume if they have a couple of phd’s and a really nice job, they can aim a lot higher. But it seldom works that way.
btw. yes we all settle. But if your idea of settling is a partner which doesn’t fullfil her whole list of requirements, well I don’t know. I doubt he exists. He’d also have way more and better options that her. So either she’ll remain single forever, or she’ll settle.
I think it is called the halo effect. Another trick is to show up at a place where you want to pick up girls with a hot girl as your companion, it can make you seem more attractive to the women there.
On paper, at least, a successful 41 year old woman with two PhDs should be the loneliest person in the world. She won’t fuck down. I mean, she sure as hell won’t fuck me, for instance. So she’ll be shooting for a man with at least as much money and as many PhDs as herself. Only he’s not interested, because he’s drooling over the 23 year old hot barista chick with half a college degree. Who won’t fuck him.
And who won’t fuck me either, BTW. Wait, is anyone getting laid in this scenario? I’m sure not. Unless the guy gets desperate enough. Maybe I could talk him into something.
Anyone with two PhDs has wasted a lot of time and is obviously a Career Academic without the intellectual chops to get a professorship. I’d steer clear.
The idea that being 41 :eek: and not particularly pretty :eek: are so awful as to trump everything else…yeah, that’s pretty cringey. But Rune pointed out that fun and a nice personality are just as important to him - and that woman’s ad doesn’t make her sound like she’s an awful lot of fun, or particularly nice to be around.
Uh… I know quite a few women (ok, I don’t know if any of them have two PhDs) who are succesful and married to guys with less degrees than they.
Darlin’, that’s another problem
One of my uncles collected degrees; studying was his hobby. He never meant to become a professor, but he had something like four bachelors and two PhDs. Spoke a bunch of languages too. His wife was a university professor (she’s now retired).
Are these women without pictures, or women whose pictures are not who they are?
If it’s the second case, what do you do?
I’d be strongly tempted to walk up, say, “I’m sorry I just got an emergency phone call and I’m going to have to reschedule” and walk the fuck out again.
One final question (I’ve been married many long years) are men still expected to pay for dates?
I don’t know about anyone else but she sounds like a hooker. Seriously. She makes mention of money, or alludes to it four times within a fairly short paragraph. The rest of the desirable characteristics get a cursory mention but it is as clear as can be that she’ll definitely fuck you if you have enough money.
Tell me about it. You leave your profession blank and maybe there’s some interest. You change it over to Financial Services/Broker/whatever and suddenly there’s some women coming at you. Trust me on this one.
Dating IS a horrible process. But it’s still possible to be considerate about it. I take the women’s profiles that say things like ‘not looking for a hookup/don’t ask for money/whatever’ to be indicative of the sorts of messages they must get on a regular basis. It’s sad and it does get in the way of more serious messages.
I’m amazed at how many people assume that what they want to see when looking at dating profiles is necessarily what someone else wants to see when looking at dating profiles.
On OKCupid in particular, highly unusual people and/or people with highly unusual criteria for dateworthiness in someone else can come in and find likely folks to connect with.
^^^ yeah, this.
Ummm, it did. I met someone I had about 3 years with in 1995. Again, resulting in a 12 year relationship, in 1998.
