What part of “just meeting you” was unclear? You haven’t said or done anything yet. All I have to go on is what you’re wearing.
As to the rest of your post, dude, that’s total crap.
What we choose to wear says a lot about who we think we are, and who we want others to think we are.
Let’s say you see a woman in a pleather minidress, fishnets, and fuck me pumps. Are you by chance making any assumptions about her? How about the guy in the Armani suit? The fat middle-aged couple in their matching “I’m With Stupid” tshirts. Have you formed any opinons of these people, based on their attire?
The part where “just meeting someone” is generally taken to include the whole set of initial interactions with a person–approach, greeting, introduction, y’know, that sort of thing–which you’ve arbitrarily chose to exclude here for some reason.
I don’t think you’re responding to me in that I’m not a dude but I have to ask, why must you form an opinion at all about someone you’ve “just met” or merely see at a gas station? I really try not to judge people at all but I’m really careful about judging people based soley on what they are wearing.
So we have met, but have not spoken? Interesting. I really don’t think of that as a meeting.
I’ve met all sorts of folks who confound stereotypes, and if I had judged them based on first impressions I would have missed some really interesting experiences. You might want to withhold judgment until you have a bit more to sink your teeth into. Just a thought. By the way, I’m wearing hot pants, engineer’s boots, and a parka made of damask and baling twine right now, if that helps.
Brilliant analysis. It’s the type of deep, critical thinking that goes hand in hand with judging folks by the clothes they wear.
You just don’t get it. Let me break it down for you. SEZ YOU. Got it? You don’t get to say how things are in the world, only how you take them to be.
I would say that people making such value judgments on scant evidence says a lot about who *they *are.
I haven’t made any judgments based solely on their attire, no.
NinetyWit, that’s why I gave myself an out and said ‘most’ since a few comments did seem to be talking more about others.
Diana’s comment was getting the most response and I thought it was kind of neutral so I was puzzled. It seems to me that not caring what others think about one’s clothing acknowledges that they know that some people do think about it and are going to react in some way or another. But, since they don’t care what others think, why would any of that bother them?
I don’t mean any particular you or they, just people in general. For me, the best reason for not wearing sweats in pubic is that they make my ass look fat.
Who are you replying to? Your post doesn’t say, sorry.
But in general, to answer your statement of “What we choose to wear says a lot about who we think we are, and who we want others to think we re”. I’d have to say “yes, it CAN”. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that your assessment is correct. Particularly if you’re merely seeing them as another poster so eloquently stated “in a snapshot of their life”.
And if you’re making ***negative ***assumptions based upon such a tiny piece of data, then yes, you are BEING shallow at that point (doesn’t mean you are a shallow person).
Regarding your second question, there are a lot of things I might think if I saw a young lady dressed as you describe:…
*Is there a costume party going on for young folks nearby?
*OOhhh, sweetie, sexy doesn’t HAVE to mean slutty
*Wish I still had the bod for that!
*OOoooh sweetie you do NOT have the bod for that, poor thing!
And so on. And yes, I am making some assessments and possibly forming opinions also. You’re absolutely right in saying that there is clothing that makes the wearer look good, and clothing that makes the wearer look bad, or indifferent (sweats maybe), or as if they’re down with the worst cold in the world, or as if they just woke up from a three day binge, or whatever.
I think what some are saying is that what’s not “okay” is to decide FOR other people whether what they are wearing is “okay” or not. That there’s a big difference between making a momentary observation on what someone is wearing, and making a judgment upon whether or not it’s “okay” for them to even BE wearing it.
No, I didn’t choose these clothes, they’re just what I happened to have on. When I need to run to town for a few things, I don’t stop to consider myself in the mirror and decide what persona I’m going to project to a bunch of strangers today. I just want my Froot Loops or whatever.
Likewise when I’m doing my own shopping. I’ve got shit to do, and I’m concerned with that rather than squinting at everybody else deciding whether they’re morally upright or whatever based on the construction of their clothes. I just want my Froot Loops or whatever.
I don’t stink, my clothes are clean and reasonably neat, I have an appropriate amount of skin showing, and my hair is combed. What’s the rest to you?
I save my sartorial statements for when I want to make a deliberate choice: a nice dinner out, a meeting, a wedding, and other occasions similar to the ones I mentioned above.
I personally do not. I usually don’t even notice what people are wearing, much less expend any energy making judgements about them.
Hell, on any given day, you can cover my eyes, ask me what I’m wearing, and there’s a good chance I’d have no idea. It would be whatever T-shirt I grabbed that day.
I don’t know if anyone is attacking you, but what ever they are doing, it is based on a bit more than what folks wear. People are responding to what you think. Shouldn’t that carry a tad more weight?
Seriously? You at no point “chose” these clothes? They jumped into your shopping cart, and then your closet, and then onto your body of their own accord? A wizard did it? What the fuck?
Even my pajamas are cute. Because *I *choose all my clothes.
Not everybody puts a lot of thought into what they wear. I wear jeans and T-shirts 99 days out of 100. I put very little thought into shopping for them (my clothes shopping is rare. I wear the same T-shirts until they disintegrate, then I go buy another pack). On a daily basis, I randomly grab some clean socks and underwear and a clean shirt out of the drawer. I can honestly say I put zero thought into it. I often grab in the dark. I couldn’t care ess.
I can’t tell who you’re accusing of “attacking” you as I’m still pretty new around here but you are becoming annoying. LOL
No, I didn’t choose all my clothes based on the “cute” factor. I’ve bought sweats because they were comfortable and my pajamas absolutely are purchased with comfort in mind way before cuteness comes into the equation. Some of my most comfortable attire is stuff that was once cute but is now just old and comfy. Honestly, no, I don’t give a rat’s ass what the guy behind the counter at the gas station thinks of me when I stop in early in the morning after dropping my kids off… Not a rat’s ass hair. Why would I, why should I?
Do you make these kinds of snap judgements with respect to other snapshots of people’s lives? Foodstamps to purchase groceries? Kind of car they drive? A woman’s purse or her jewelry, or lack of jewelry? I’m just wondering how superficially the judgements run. Would you even bother to have a conversation with me if you ran into me at the gas station if I were pumping gas in my sweats, sans bra, and flip flops with my hair a mess? I daresay you’d be missing out on meeting someone pretty cool because if you’d run into me a few hours later, gassing up on my way to work, I’d be dressed professionally with my hair coiffed and actual shoes on and neither of those styles of dress really reveal who I am as a person.
Ah, gotcha. Well … I think she meant it as neutral. I don’t know why it seems negative, but it did to me, obviously. Hmm. Perhaps some of us are too defensive.
I don’t think you were talking about my first post, Diana, but I didn’t mean it as attacking, just kind of answering Karyn’s question. Not only do I think it’s OK to wear sweatpants, I also think it’s OK to think the opposite. As long as you don’t accost me about it, think what you want - everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.
I think that there’s a difference between noticing and judging. I barely see people in the grocery store as anything other than obstacles between myself and the shelf or counter. As they pass by my view I might think ‘I like those shoes’ or ‘he’s good looking’ but then I go right back to being interested in the carrots. I don’t think about them long enough to judge them, although I might lump them automatically into categories like ‘student’, ‘hippie’ or ‘surfer’ but none of those have a negative connotation to me - it’s just what we have the most of and what registers in that passing glimpse. When it comes to showing up to things like business meetings and funerals in sweats, then I start with the judging.
I wasn’t, and “attacking” was probably too strong a word to apply to any of the posts, but seriously… does no one else see the hypocrisy of “I don’t care what you think. Oh wait… you think something BAD!!! You shallow bitch you!”
And of course I would never dream of accosting someone in sweatpants. I’m *silently *judging them!
I didn’t find Diana’s posts offensive until she got into the judgemental part… the don’t be surprised if people judge you harshly based on sloppy dress. First of all, I don’t appreciate being judged and I don’t think most people do. I would never assume that a woman in the grocery store in sweats just didn’t in general give a fuck about her appearance. If I were to have an opinion at all, which I probably wouldn’t, I’d think she dressed comfortably or maybe just came from the gym… I can’t imagine going home to change if I went to the gym and needed to pick up some groceries… Shit, it’s the grocery store, not the Captain’s Ball.
My point with respect to judging people based on snapshots of them is ignorant, superficial and shallow. I know some very nice women who dress far more revealingly than I would find comfortable or even suits their figures but I didn’t write them off before ever getting to know them because of their attire.
DgI don’t think anyone is attacking you. They are merely disagreeing with you. But **Contrapuntal’s ** point makes sense. Your posts themselves are conveying what you think about this. And as I said in my post above, if you are acting, as you say you are in your posts, that does mean you are behaving in a shallow way. Though I personally don’t think it makes you a shallow PERSON, just incorrect in this instance.
Again, as I said, there’s a big difference in observing and forming a momentary opinion regarding what someone is wearing, and deciding FOR others what is acceptable and not acceptable based upon YOUR opinion.
What you’re doing here is attempting to enforce your opinion regarding this subject upon anyone else. Your statements such as (paraphrased) “if you don’t dress the ‘correct’ way for being out in public then you don’t care and are presenting a bad image,” are what are getting people to disagree with your assessment.
Again, this is why I asked “define ‘okay’” in my earlier post.
