Forget about the opposite sex. What mystifies you about members of your own gender?
I don’t understand the female attraction to shoes; I’d like to believe it’s just the media, but I know more women who obsess over shoes than don’t. I don’t understand the joy of buying new ones, the desire to own as many as possible, or how they can be “cute.” I really don’t understand wearing ones that hurt because they are “cute.” Or why you’d want a heel on something otherwise practical, like a sneaker or flip-flop. And I’m totally baffled by these.
I love shoes, though heels are strictly prohibited. I don’t get make-up though. I simply can’t figure it out. How the hell do you wear it without either making no difference at all in your appearance, or looking like a hideous nightmare clown?
I love shoes and I love makeup. But what I don’t get are fake nails. They harbor bacteria underneath them and can seriously mess up your real nails over time. Why would anybody get them??
I get make-up, when done properly, though don’t wear it often myself.
I share the bafflement regarding shoes, but what I really don’t get is spending hours primping and doing hair, especially if it’s a daily thing. Also, why put hair products in your hair that make it feel stiff or sticky, as a lot of them do? Why not have nice clean hair that feels soft and touchable?
I understand shoes, and will give you my explanation of it: Shoe size doesn’t, in general, change if you gain weight (unless you gain a lot of weight).
I don’t understand going to the bathroom in groups.
Spectator sports, especially professional sports. I just don’t get the stereotypical male fascination with them. I don’t watch them on my own, although I’ll sort of pay attention if someone else is watching in the room, so I can respond appropriately to their comments.
I can sort of see the attachment if it’s your school team, as part of some kind of group identity thing, but I’ve never really felt it myself.
(Male) I don’t see the attraction to shorter women. Trying to kiss someone who is five inches shorter than you is just a pain, as is lugging around heavy stuff for her, or putting things on the top shelf for her. Outside of carrying your newlywed through the door of your first house or whatever that was, I can’t see any advantage to women being shorter than men.
not saying I’m not going to date a woman shorter than me. I’m just annoyed with the last 1000 generations of men that all chose shorter women. And it was mostly the men doing the choosing until recently–so it is their fault
I don’t get coquettishness. I don’t get why most lingerie or female clothing is considered attractive or desirable. I certainly don’t get makeup, uncomfortable shoes, fake nails, women’s magazines. I make direct eye contact and my statements don’t sound like questions. I don’t agonize over my hair, eyes, breasts, or legs. I’m confident.
I’m just not very well gender-role socialized. Although I think I’m very feminine looking, and I’m short and curvaceous, I get called “sir” a lot. It’s pretty funny when I work with MTF trans clients who want help learning to present themselves as female. At the same time, I feel female and score either femmy or androgenous on psychological measures. It’s an interesting disconnect.
Macho posturing, fighting, brawling, all that jive.
I’m really big, and apparently quite scary. I’m told I could break people in two with one hand, but you know what? I wouldn’t know because I’ve never done it. But I’ve got a friend (who is from Glasgow, so that might explain things) who actually gets upset with me for not using my size to hurt people. He says I “don’t know what I’ve got” and if he was my size he’d be King Shit down at the local. WTF?
If somebody hurts a loved one, I might get to find out “what I can do”. I hope I never do. Failing that, I’m happy to be a pussy cat. When I go to the pub, it’s to have a quiet, refreshing cold one. When I see a fight, I do that Arfur Daley style “ooo. That’s gotta hurt” sympathetic wincing.
Shoes meh. Actually, any sort of obsession - purses, the latest whatevers, &c. I like life in moderation. People who get obsessed by things (collections, hobbies, whatever) leave me feeling squiky.
Brad Pitt (ew).
Insecurity. And when you offer suggestions about how it might be overcome, the argument that ‘my feelings are valid because they’re my feelings’. OK then if you’re happier being miserable. And the attitude that some women seem to have that women are princesses and deserve to get everything they want but have no reciprocal obligation. On a relationship board where I’ve spent time, I’ve been surprised how these attitudes prevail. Then again, perhaps that’s why they’re on a relationship board.
I guess it’d have to be the notion that in a relationship, basically it’s all about men tolerating women’s emotional needs so they can get sex. I’m often startled about how mainstream this notion seems to be among men, that basically a girlfriend* (or even a wife) is someone you like to sleep with, not someone you actually like to spend time with. Freaks me out, it does. Moreover, for men that fall into that category, they seem absolutely convinced that all other men do too, and if a man denies it, his denial is all part of an act… an act, of course, to get women to sleep with him. :dubious:
*I don’t know enough gay men to guess whether this is common among them too, so for the moment I’ll restrict myself to making unfair generalisations about straight males.
You are probably right, but I can give another view. In my last relationship, sex was no problem. I have an average sex drive, and she had an above average one. This was every man’s dream at first, but later not so much. But if I wanted sex, I had it right there and then. No, I ended up acceding to her “emotional needs” because if I didn’t, she’d fly into one of her blind rages. Needless to say, she’s now my ex, and I like it that way.
Oh I agree absolutely. I don’t mean to imply that all guys are like this at all, just like how not all women are crazy about their shoe collections. It’s just a gender stereotype that, when I come across it in real life, I find difficult to understand. That is, when you say “this was every man’s dream” meaning “a hot girlfriend who puts out whenever you want” - it’s the men whose romantic dreams are so limited in scope that I find baffling. It doesn’t bother me, mind - I just don’t understand the mindset.
I don’t get spending tons of money on everyday clothing and accessories because they have a designer label on them, especially the latest fashions. My mantra is to look good and be comfortable, and I can easily do that without spending in excess of $1,000, say, for a handbag or $250 for a pair of jeans.
I don’t understand the point of fingernails that look more like claws.
Exactly. She was “hot” - good looking, sexy, a “catch” if you will, but it was a lesson to me how shallow that stuff is, and I’m in no way special in this regard: I am sure any other guy in the same situation would have come to the same eventual conclusion I did. Actually, it was the most wonderful lesson in life, and I have no regrets. It’s allowed me to cast off a whole lot of… umm… “male crap” I guess. I’m much less inclined to be turned on by appearance now, for instance, and being of the opinion that we males are slaves to sexual urges, anything that reduces that can only be a liberating thing.
I don’t understand a lot of what straight guys are about. Like sports. How can you have such a huge emotional investment in a group of guys who you don’t know, who get paid enormous amounts of money for playing a game. I can appreciate admiring someone’s talents and skills, but when it reaches the level of fanaticism, there’s something kinda pathological about this.
And homophobia. Guys who spend their entire lives trying to prove that they’re not gay. Guys who would rather die than express some kind of actual emotion toward another man. Guys who never seem to run out of “fag” jokes.
And I’m amazed how many straight guys Just. Don’t. Like. Women. They’ll date a woman, even marry her and have kids with her, but not like her or enjoy being with her. And take advantage of every opportunity to put her down. I don’t get that at all.
I don’t get the appeal of spectator sports, either. I just don’t see the appeal of sitting down and watching a whole game, let alone shelling out for tickets. Sometimes I’ll half-watch a hockey game if it’s the olympics (and Canada is still in the running) or the playoffs (and the Oilers or Canucks are still in the running), but that’s only a handful of games per decade. It mystifies me that so many guys seem to know every player on every team in every sport, and go so far as to memorize statistics.
I have to meekly say that I do understand all of the hair, nails, shoes, and makeup stuff… not sure how to explain it, except that it’s a sort of primeval urge. You see them and you get excited and HAVE to have them. It doesn’t happen to me often, but it has happened.
What I don’t understand (though as I get closer to thirty, I’m beginning to) is why women put up with men who don’t absolutely worship the ground they walk on. Why on earth give up your education and career (not that I find the prospect of a career exciting but at least I’ve got my self respect) so you can live in a crummy little house and have a brood of crummy little children and get yelled at for cooking crummy little meals? Why not wait until you meet someone who loves you much, much more than you love him, so at least he’s nice about the crummy little meals?
If anyone says they don’t understand neuroticism or irrationality or insecurity, I’d like to invoke the PMS dragon and say: while you’re doing it, you’re 100% aware you’re doing it, you’re 100% aware that it’s ineffective, irrational, and disgusting, and you’re 99% unable to control it. I can hardly wait for menopause.
