Long story short, boyfriend cheated on me. I found out. He tried to cover it up. Boyfriend swears up and down it was a mistake, he loves me, doesn’t want to hurt me.
Are people worthy of a second chance?
Some are, some aren’t. You know him, we don’t.
No. But I am a bitter, wretched old hag who swore off men two years ago, so I may not be the best person to be taking relationship advice from.
I guess the issue is trust. Followed by forgiveness. Looks like a lot of work to patch this up. Good luck either way.
I think that somewhere deep inside of you, you know the answer to this. Don’t pay attention to what others will think or say- you know what you need to do. There is always a certain feeling that accompanies a relationship whoes time to end has come.
On a more opinionated note, I don’t think that cheating is the worst thing in the world. It’s somewhat unrealistic to expect to fulfill someone’s every need forever. People sometimes slip up, and while that isn’t the best thing in the world, that sort of thing happens. What is important is the love and commitment that you both share. Is that still there, or is this incident a sign of deeper problems in the relationship?
I was married, wife cheated on me. I forgave her. She cheated again, this time getting pregnant. The wuss that I was still forgave her. I even made notions of raising the kids as our own (yeah, I was pretty damned stupid then).
She still left with the other guy.
I gave her THREE chances. My advice, you know him best, not us, however… don’t put yourself in a position where the line in the sand keeps moving. If you want to forgive him (your choice) go ahead, but make it clear where you stand if it happens again.
Don’t make my mistake, or you could get ran over like roadkill, and your goodwill taken advantage of.
Just like, Silver Fire, I’m quite jaded nowadays.
Jet Black
No.
Well, as the first person to reply wisely said, you know this guy. We don’t.
I’ll tell you this much, though–I’d dump him quicker than a radioactive brick. He cheated on you and then lied to you on top of it. I’d consider staying with someone who cheated on me and fessed up. I’d even consider of giving a second chance to someone who cheated on me and came clean (preferably in a burst of remorse and sadness) when I found out. I don’t think I could stay with someone who not only betrayed my trust like that, but then bs’ed me to cover his rear end.
There’s cheating and there’s cheating. Was it a one-time thing? Is he concerned that his fling means that there’s a problem with your relationship? Is he willing to commit to being honest with you and work at fixing whatever the difficulty is? In that case, he might be worth keeping, but, then again, he might not.
Did he have a more-or-less ongoing “piece on the side”? Did his cheating consist of having one-night stands on a regular basis? Was he planning on continuing hiding it from you while seeing this other person (or other people)? Was he angry (or did he act as though he was) when you confronted him about his cheating? Did he use any form of blackmail or other persuasion to get your friends not to tell you about it? Is his “other woman” a friend or co-worker of yours? Does he say that he loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you, but no one woman could really satisfy all his needs? If any of those seems to be the case, lose his sorry butt NOW.