Popular songs that give terrible advice

Cafe Society
1

Watching Umbrella Academy and Klaus tells his followers, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and lakes you’re used to” and, although I love the song, advising people not to take any chances is not good advice at all.

Still’s lovely, sing-along song telling everybody to fuck whoever because your loved one isn’t directly on hand at the moment. I know it was the '60s and all, but Love The One You’re With is bad advice.

My son thinks Shaggy gave the worst advice ever. Basically deny, deny until you die with by just keep telling your girl It Wasn’t Me.

What’s your vote for a popular sing with the worst advice?

2

“Eat it” and" I Love Rocky Road" can lead to “Fat”.

Though, in all seriousness, “Eat It” is full of bad advice.

3

Highway to hell
Sympathy for the devil
The devil went down to Georgia (don’t accept talent contests with the devil)
Any songs involving hell or the devil, really

4

I don’t think Highway to Hell is giving advice, just telling you what the singer is up to. He isn’t advising you to do it. In fact, he’s warning everyone that all this fun partying is, well, the highway to hell.

5

In that song, he got his ass whupped.

6

So thanks to Cunk on Earth my brain is infested with a “Pump Up the Jam” ear worm. I always thought “Get your booty on the floor” just meant get your ass out on the dance floor. But watching the dancer in the video, I think they literally mean putting your butt on the floor. Yuck!

7

Strychnine is good
for what’s ailin’ you

…probably ranks in the top ten for bad advice in a popular song.

Hey Joe (a song covered by Jimi Hendrix and a bazillion other people)* suggests it’s perfectly acceptable not to try to discourage a guy out to murder his cheatin’ girlfriend, and after the shooting, to advise him to become a fugitive from justice.

*the best recording is probably the original garage rock version by The Leaves, probably because the music partially drowns out the lyrics.

8

You call these lyrics a warning? He makes the highway to hell sound like a fun as hell ride:

9

There’s an old Bing Crosby song called Three Wise Monkeys, based on a Japanese fable, that says we should all “See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil”. And that can’t be good.

10

Because partying IS fun as hell. But he is not advising people to do it. He is telling everyone that doing it is a highway to hell.

11

Yeah, where all his friends are going to be.

12

The Gambler

“The best you can do is die in your sleep” is an incredibly low bar for living your life. And ultimately urges you to just give up.

13

Putting the lime in the coconut is sure to give you a bellyache.

14

Not to mention Dare to Be Stupid.

15

Damn. Should have remembered that one. Though that may have been deliberate.

16

Right on cue: the Tom Jones classic, frequently sung at Welsh International Rugby matches, has been banned from the terraces.

“I felt the knife in my hand, and she laughed no more…”

17

That song wasn’t about taking chances, it was pleading with someone as they fall deeper into the world of drugs (IV cocaine), violence (shooting someone in the brain) and HIV (they mention his failing health, sleeping with someone and ‘three letters’ killing him). At least that’s always been my interpretation.

I’m not sure if you said that because you’ve heard it before, but Weird Al has mentioned (in a joking way) that Fat is a sequel to Eat It.

18

I don’t think it’s terrible advice, but eating “a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down” would suggest there’s something wrong with the medicine.

And unless you’re on your property, I would suggest against tiptoeing through some tulips.

19

I’d imagine those liquid medicines were awfully bitter before they started trying to mask the taste (with sugar).

20

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

[…]

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
Ah you’ll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
She’ll always give you peace of mind

(Apparently personality and compatibility don’t enter into the equation at all.)