Mertz was close. Real close. Words cannot describe how close he was. He’s closer now than he was a minute ago.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
Go to Chinatown. Find Mertz, and… talk to him.**
A comment in another thread reminded me of this classic by Ernie Fosselius. A parody of Apocalypse Now!, this is the story of Dullard. Dullard must go to Chinatown to find Mertz, who is described as a ‘butcher’. Mertz is slashing prices with a straight razor, which is biting into the profits of other meat mongers.
I 've had this on VHS tape for like 20 years, along with Fosselius’s biggest hit Hardware Wars. The tape also has Closet Cases Of The Nerd Kind and Bambi Meets Godzilla. I looked at Pyramid Films’s website (that being the distributor on the rental bootl… I mean, on my copy) and they’re getting $39 for Porklips Now! and Closet Cases. I didn’t find the other two shorts. Good films, but not worth a quadruple-sawbuck each.
You have Bambi Meets Godzilla with out *King of Hearts[/i?? I thought they were siamese twins.
I use to have a home made movie of stop action using Barbie, Ken, and action figures of Mr Spock, Dolly Parton & Capt Kirk. It put barbie in a bad light on so many levels.
The guy that made it, wanted to distribute it, but Mattel came after him. They were quite serious. Saw absolutely NO humor in sullying Barbie’s reputation. Yes, they were defending Barbie’s honor.
All the copies were then “destroyed” I can’t seem to find my … never mind.
I’ve always wanted to see Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, but the filmmaker used their songs without permission.
I’d really like to do Titus Andronicus with action figures and the original dialog – with hands moving the dolls round, of course. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I like Titus so much. The beginning is sorta-kinda along the lines of that. I’d have little Roman costumes made, a hand pouring catsup out of a bottle for the blood, macaroni or spaghetti for guts… But I’d probably get into trouble for using the action figures. Too bad. It would be a hoot, I think.
But back to the OP. I love the opening of Porklips Now! The lawn sprinkler, the riding mower in the background, the flames in the BBQ grill… And the song. This isn’t the end… It’s the beginning of the film…
I’ve seen it, and the others. I saw Hardware Wars when it first came out – it got it from the library on sound film, rented a sound projector, and showed it to people. This was when VHS players were a rare thing.
A few years ago someone came out with Hardware Wars – The Special Edition, which adds bad CGI effects to the original. I thought the mere idea was hilarious (this came out during the time Lucas was re-releasing the original trilogy as a “Special Edition”) They executed tyhe idea really well, too. Unfortunately, they didn’t get Ernie Fosselius’ approval for this (In The Force’s name, why? TYhis was such a marvelous idea!)
“Closet Cases” has some wonderful moments, my favorite being the singing mailboxes, and the “Roy Neary” character suddenly “blowing out” the flashlight – that one’s easy to miss.
This was a running gag with me and my friends. We’d always be saying we need to talk to someone. Explain the situation. No, no, look. Find [insert name here]. Take him up to the aquaduct [because bodies were always turning up in the aquaduct] annnnd…
“I had no shoes and complained…until I met a man who had no socks.”
"Accusing someone of price-slashing in this place was like handing out parking tickets at the Indianapolis Speedway…wait, I mean speeding tickets at the Indianapolis Parkway…no, wait…nevermind.
