It’s trivially easy to get knocked up(unless you’re incapable because of an unknown issue or age).
This is the reason we have so many birth control products.
And, at the moment, the ability to get an abortion.
Abstaining from sex is the only way to not.
Just because he is abstaining she doesn’t necessarily have to.
I mean, I don’t know her and don’t presume her inclinations, so I can’t say what she might/could do.
There are also places you can go for sperm donations. 1 2 3…bun in the oven.
Like I said, I don’t know what she could do or would be willing to do. Babies can be got.
Without a doubt but we know that they’re not doing it so he’d know it wasn’t his. (That’s assuming she leaves the house at some point.) Would it be his problem under the law there?
In some US jurisdictions it certainly would be. Unless the husband filed a “non-paternity suit” timely. Which rules on “timely” can be a surprisingly short interval after birth.
For somebody administratively clueless and/or estranged from the pregnant wife now Mom, that can be a real trap.
A friend of mine got caught in that 5 years after he’d last seen his estranged wife. Somehow she forgot to notify him of either the pregnancy or the birth until it was too late for him to contest paternity. The fact the child’s father was self-evidently of a different ethnicity than my friend meant nothing to a court whose ruling was predetermined by statute. It’s his kid to pay for.
OTOH, for someone still cohabiting w the growing pregnancy that’d take a whole lot of concentrated stupid not to deal with timely.
A friend of mine who likes to dot all the i’s, cross all the t’s had a paternity test done after his wife gave birth. He didn’t hide what he was doing, nor did he have any evidence that the child wasn’t his, he was just being cautious and saw nothing wrong with his behavior.
His wife was furious. The divorce was finalized before the baby was eating solid foods.
The kid is in high school now and my friend has wisely remained single.
“Wisely” because women are untrustworthy, or “wisely” because he’s clueless at relationships? Or maybe both?
I also note you did not tell us the outcome of the paternity test. Nor whose idea the divorce was. Very clever story-telling. I tip my hat to you, Good Sir.
I’m reminded of a story I’ve told before. Long ago I had a male friend in his late 30s with a co-habiting early 30s GF of ~4 years who was getting pushy about getting married and of which marrying he wanted no part.
After 6 months of intermittent bickering on this point leading nowhere, she turns up pregnant. “Now we have to get married” says she. “Not so fast; my vasectomy was 10 years ago. How 'bout you get all your shit out of my house by sundown you lying cheating …” says he.
Oops.
Back to your friend …
What he did was certainly socially outre. And his wife’s reaction was quite predictable as a person embedded in our current society. At least as to “furious” if not as to “I wanna divorce”.
Bu IMO from a strictly logical perspective I don’t see this as much different from a pre-nuptial agreement. Something every lawyer suggests every couple should have, except maybe the proverbial “two broke 18-yos” getting married. Both a pre-nup and a pat test acknowledge the possibility that even with the best of honest intentions, shit happens. And “best of honest intentions” cannot always be relied upon to be there.
There’s a saying in Vegas:
Trust everyone. Always cut the cards.
My own vasectomy is old enough to have grandkids (how’s that for a mind-bending metaphor? ), but now that you’ve pointed out this idea it seems to me that pat tests ought to be a routine standard-of-care feature of pre-natal care everywhere. Take all the distrust and stigma away, but keep the actual reality of the situation fact-based. Win-win IMO.
Sorry, I see it as very different. A pre-nup is about the future. No one knows what the future holds. A paternity test is about the past - and I would absolutely have divorced my husband if he had wanted a paternity test. I don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t trust me. Someone wants to add a requirement for paternity tests in case of pregnancy to the pre-nup , that’s fine - but don’t be surprised if it’s a deal breaker. Because you can’t really get pregnant by someone else and try to pass it off as your husband’s kid with the “best of intentions” and asking for a paternity test means you think she’s capable of that.
I can understand the concern if we’re talking about a one-night stand or very short lived relationship, but in a committed one where partners are married? Why marry someone you trust so little, let alone risk getting them pregnant?
As for having a vasectomy and never telling the partner who may have been thinking they could get pregnant…also kind of repugnant as the relationship is based on false pretense. Nevermind that vasectomies can and do fail, so while a paternity test may be of interest, it’s not a guarantee that there was another man involved.
I’ll grant if there was cause for suspicion ("I was away for a months, I think it’s impossible) and trust is lost, then there may be reasonable grounds to ask for a paternity test. I’d think it was part of a relationship to have that conversation to re-establish trust or end the relationship for sure.
The presented scenario didn’t have that cause:
I think such an attitude belies a belief by the man that women are inherently untrustworthy. It’s red-pill misogynistic bullshit. There’s nothing to be “cautious” about in a trusting relationship without any reason to doubt the woman, especially if he’s been ejaculating into her with the intent or likelihood of causing pregnancy.
OTOH, a friend of mine who wisely remained single knocked up his girlfriend at the time. I forget why (some FL thing) but around age 2 he had to get a paternity test and turns out it wasn’t his, They hadn’t been getting along as a couple at the time, so he sort of dodged a bullet there.
As for the OP, I don’t really get this “I need advice on my shitty marriage” threads.
You don’t want kids
You aren’t having sex
You and you’re wife want completely different things
You don’t really seem to even like your wife very much
Why the fuck are you even married?
1-2 years in is literally the “honeymoon” period. It doesn’t get easier after that with kids and balancing careers (or lack thereof) all the rest of crap that life throws at you.
Maybe - my husband has a friend ( he’s not my friend) who decided his wife cheated on him because he didn’t want a kid and his parents were willing to pay him thousands to leave the wife whose religion they didn’t approve of. He had zero reason not to trust her , couldn’t even come up with a lie about why he thought he wasn’t the father and could have insisted on a paternity test if he had been truthful in the divorce paperwork (he falsely claimed no children were born during the marriage and she didn’t want anything to do with him, not even child support). Kid looked just like him.
( Parents would certainly regret it if they lived to see what happened- he eventually married someone of the correct religion who is much younger than him and they have been miserable since a couple of years after they got married 20 years ago. No divorce because she wants to eventually inherit his money and a divorce will cost him too much)
), but now that you’ve pointed out this idea it seems to me that pat tests ought to be a routine standard-of-care feature of pre-natal care everywhere. Take all the distrust and stigma away, but keep the actual reality of the situation fact-based. Win-win IMO.