Post to the Dope from Middle-Earth

There is a complete lack of Tolkien-related threads in CS. Clearly this is unacceptable, and I will be raining flaming mongooses on the persons or persons responsible for this shocking oversight (i.e., Qadgop, What Exit? Elendil’s Heir, and myself*).

But the important thing isn’t punishment; that’s just the fun part. The important thing is starting a thread. To wit:

Post to the Dope from Middle-Earth. Or even Numenor or the Undying Lands; I’m not picky.
*Except that since I’m obviously not going to loose a plague on MYSELF, somebody’s gonna get it twice.

There isn’t too much good news here. There are two morals to my story: don’t fall for your cousin, and Tuor is a fucking jerk.

amin delotha lasse pusta “fenume”.


Yeah, just ignore me, what do I know about Middle-Earth that would warrant making even fifth place on your list? :rolleyes:

Off to take my birthday present and sulk in this nice cool cave complete with well-stocked underground lake… don’t expect me back in a hurry.

Here’s a Middle-Earth thread (in the Game Room).

The party have just left the Druadan Forest after a tribal ceremony with the Woses, and are heading for Rivendell.

I am reporting your post to the King’s Men. You KNOW Quenya is forbidden on this island!!

Back to the thread topic: Does anybody know what the deal is with all that black smoke coming from that new temple to Melkor? It’s really screwing with my garden; all my athelas has withered away, and that seedling of Celeborn I’ve been trying to graft to the pear tree in my back yard has died completely. :frowning: I don’t want to bother the King with this, though; one of my cousins went to file a complaint about the property tax increases since Sauron was paroled, and no one’s heard from him since.

If I go ahead and rain flaming mongooses on you, will you stop pouting?

Also, that is MY birthday gift. YOUR birthday was left month.

So, anybody know which door Baggins’ treasure is behind?

:sounds of furious looting:

Urban Legends: Dragons, Elves and Walking Trees

There’s this guy I know at my local pub who’s always going on and on about dragons, elves and walking trees. These things don’t really exist, do they?

Post from Middle-Earth; gotcha covered!

Is it just me, or do woodland elves just rude? I have one as a neighbour, you see, and although most of the time, I don’t have a problem, yesterday I went to visit Eolidir, and he had the audacity to ask me to take off my shoes!

I mean, what is with someone wanting you to take off your shoes? I wasn’t wearing nice socks and I didn’t want to, but what if I had a prosthetic with the shoe attached?

What kind of manners are those? Am I out of line for telling Eolidir to take a leap into a deep well?

You know the real problem with Numenor? No stores. Yeah, yeah, Undying Lands, everything’s great- but there’s nowhere to pick up some pasta sauce or a couple of pounds of ground beef.

No burger restaurants, either.

I got bored in Gondolin, too, so I left it a smoking ruin.

Man, I was just getting into a nice centuries-long nap after routing the dwarves and men, and making my bed out of piled-up gold and now there seems to be a draft and funny noises coming from that side entrance I never blocked up.

I think a thief might have gotten in…

HEY!, i am trying to sleep here!.

To whom it may concern:

FOUND: 1 ring. Gold, plain. Found in river. Most likely precious. To claim, come by my place, preferably on horseback, evenings.

Door? Do we look for some stupid Bracegirdles to you? You know it’s under the flagstones in the 3rd larder from the back; the one where all the seed-cakes are.

Hey, we know better – you have a hot date planned with Perelandra, complete with Hot [del]Monkey[/del] Oyarsan sex!


You know how the Democrats promised to fund programs rehabing the Uruk Hai childeren of Mordor. It was all one big bloated government waste program. Mordor is still essentially a cesspool for the underclass. Next time the election comes around I’m totally voting for that occular dude breathed in flame. He’s got a plan for Mordor that just can’t fail.

:: clears throat: Ahem!

Know All Men, Elves, and Other Free Peoples By These Presents…

That the Esgaroth-upon-the-Long-Lake and Dale Joint Air Quality Authority have adopted an Anti-Smaug Programme.

::: additional bureaucratic gobbledbygook :::