Post your bowling-related mishaps!

Isabelle, I’m SO glad to know somebody else has done this!! Not only did I get the humiliation of the “CLANG!!!” when it hit, but I also got a lecture from the manager. (Yeah, bub, like I did it on purpose, just to put a dent in your nice, grubby equipment…)

I’ve been trying over the years to “hurl” a 16 pounder to land on the pins, but can only get a one bouncer to land on the pins instead, which is still “quite pleasant” to hear.

When projecting screens (made of overhanging wood and plaster) were the rage, my 180 degree backswing would hit the bottom of the overhangs, leaving a nice round dent in it; again, “quite pleasant” to hear.

Obviously, I am a pleasure bowler…

Without going into too many details, my funniest moment bowling off-breaks was the time our captain’s brother, who hadn’t batted in years, decided to join us at the nets. The first ball I bowled at him he swiped wildly at, and he misdirected it right into his crotch. It was only at that point we realized that nobody had thought to provide him with a box.

Well, it was funny for the rest of us, I’m not so sure it was funny for him.

About a year ago I was in mid-roll when my watch broke for no perceivable reason and fell off my wrist. I was so surpised I dropped the ball behind me. Had to use duct tape as a watchband for a month…

Let me preface this by saying that I am the world’s worst bowler. No, seriously. Worst. Bowler. Ever. Right here, it’s me. I suck so incredibly bad it is mind-boggling. We are talking the suckiest bowling you have ever, ever seen. The first time I went bowling, my score was a whopping… wait for it… thirteen. Yes, that’s right. Thirteen. I’ve bowled maybe twice a year in the 6-7 years since then, and my high score is about a 70- or 80-something. I have made exactly one strike and I think 3 spares in that time. I suck at bowling.

And yet, I love it.

I rather often end up down on one knee after rolling. Don’t know why it happens, just the forward momentum and slippery shoes, I suppose.

I do the “no, go THAT way!” dance. The ball is rolling one way towards the gutter, I do a little hop-hop-hop-shimmy in the other direction, pointing with both fingers and whispering, “go THAT way, go THAT way!”. It’s hilarious to watch, I’m sure, and only occasionally does it work. But once I wasn’t paying attention and hop-shimmied my way right into the guy bowling in the next lane over.

I was bowling with a large groups of friends December 30, 2002. I went up to take my turn, I prepared, I swung, I let go… the ball went down the lane, and my feet went out from under me at a 90-degree angle to my left. I have no idea how this happened. The physics involves baffle me. Anyways, my feet went left, my body went right, I was in the air horizontally for a moment, and then BAM on the floor. I just kinda lay there for a second, then burst out laughing. It was the most hilarious freaking thing ever. And I think I knocked down 7 or 8 pins on that roll.

A long time ago I got into the habit of using an eight pound ball. As I started to have back trouble, The whole bend squat thing just tweaked my back after about 10 throws. So I use an eight pound ball. The problem is that they are designed for small handed, small fingered people, and at most I can squeeze the tip of my thumb and first finger knuckes into the holes. So I use more of an underhand pitching motion(holding underneith the ball) than a bowling motion, which results in the ball flying the first 20 feet or so.

Anyway, one time when we were drunk, one of my friends tried to teach me the proper way to bowl, and told me to aim to the right and try to spin the ball back left. Well I tried, but didn’t have the control to get it where I was aiming. It flew out past our lane, and over the next lane, bounced in the second lane and landed in the third lane gutter. Where the machine recorded it as a throw for the guy there and reset the pins for him. He was no happy at all, but me, my friends, and the people on the two intervening lanes thought it was funny as hell.

Not my mishap but I saw it happen to a friend. A buddy of mine grabbed an extra ball off the rack and was going to slam it down a lane that was not in use. He went running up to the lane like a scalded gorilla on crack…and tripped. Because he was running so fast, he looked like a super hero in flight…very briefly. He then slammed down on the floor with the ball still on his hand. Everyone there just about died laughing.

On a side note; I stink at bowling. We’re talking 120-point games here. On the same day as my buddy’s mishap, I was down by ummmmmmmm…a lot of points. On my last frame, I got 3 consecutive strikes and won by 3 points. Blew my mind.

I’m bending over the ball return rack, rolling my ball over to find the holes. Roll it right off the rack, drops on my foot. Talk about feeling stupid. Lost the toenail, too.

I’m a decent bowler, go to a league, ~165 average, throw a nice little hook. During my last league, I had 2 mishaps. Both times, I dropped the ball early. The first time, the ball went about 6 inches before going into the gutter. Second time, the ball didn’t even cross the line. Oh, and I also fell down into the lane once, damn those things are oily!

Those are red-faced moments when you’re in a league, lemme tell ya.

I was bowling at duckpins in the driveway and a converted spare flew 10-15 feet, knocking my mom’s tailight out.