Lisa: Bart! Your mortal Enemy is on the radio!
(Bart turns on radio)
Radio: It’s time to get demented with Dr. DEMENTO!
(Bart screams and throws radio out of window)
Lisa: No, I meant your OTHER motal enemy, Sideshow Bow.
Bart: Oohhh… I’m only ten and I have two mortal enemies.
Lisa (threatening tone): Oh yeah? Well I eat fruit loops for breakfast.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, this is a lie detector; it will let us know if you’re telling the truth. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (Lie Detector explodes)
(Scully has Homer on a treadmill)
Mulder: What’s that test for?
Scully: No test, I just thought he could stand to lose some weight.
Mulder: His jiggling is almost… hypnotic.
Scully (dazed voice): Yes, it’s like a lava lamp.
Bart: I would think that god would want to limit my power.
Professer: No pops! It’s too risky: There could be cubes in there the size of Gorillas, and other large things.
Hans Moleman (while birds are attacking): I need the biggest seedbell you have. No, that’s too big.
Marge: That truly was our best vacation ever, now let’s never speak of it again!
Marge: The walls are melting again.
Mr. Burns: I suppose You’re wondering why you have two heads.
Although it is buried, this is the perfect place for my first post (after a couple of months of lurking). Here are a few good lines that come to mind:
Bart: Work sucks!
Homer: I’m proud of you boy. I was twice your age before I learned that.
From the marriage retreat episode:
Marge, to Homer (as he imagines her head morphing into a catfish head): You’re thinking about fishing right now aren’t you?
Frank Grimes (increduloulsy): You? Went into outer space? You?
Homer (nonchalantly): Sure. You’ve never been?
From the Mr. Plow episode:
Moe: Linda Ronstadt! How’d ya get her?
Barney: Oh, we’ve been looking for a project to do together for awhile.
From the stealing cable espisode opening:
Zoar the Adulterer: Your wife’s a good woman; very good.
From the same edisode (Bart has the gang in to watch “Broadcast Nudes” on Top Hat Entertainment):
Group: Ooooooooh!
Milhouse: Gross!
Martin: Yet strangely compelling.
I’ve got over 200 episodes of the Simpson’s on tape going back to the first season. It is the only show on TV that I make sure I watch every week.
I think my favorite of all time is when Homer said, “Stupid TV. Be more funny.” Off the top of my head, one other great one is, “What’s wrong with that kid? She’s so moral. Why can’t she be more like, well not like the boy, but there’s got to be a happy medium.”
Grandpa is good for some great lines too. Like, Dear Mr. President, / There are too many states nowadays. /
Please eliminate three. / P.S. I am not a crackpot."
every time I read this thread I think of something else to add:
Burns: OK Lenny, we’ll make this sporting. If you can tell me why I shouldn’t fire you without using the letter ‘E’, you can keep your job.
Lenny, OK, I’m a good work guy… and…
Burns: You lose
Lenny: But I didn’t…
Burns: You will.
I just read this entire thread and didn’t see the line that still makes me laugh every time I think of it:
Homer (after trying something very tasty; I forget the context): It’s like there’s a party in my mouth, and everyone’s invited!
I hope you all get that one, but ask me if you don’t.
I thought One of the baseball players said that in the episode where Mr Burns brought in ringers for his company ball game. I forget which player but he was drinking some sort of cough medicine or elixyr and ended up with hypercephalism on the day of the game from drinking it.
Bart: OTTO!!! THERE’S A GREMLIN ON THE SIDE OF THE BUS!!!
(Looks back, sees Hans Moleman driving a Gremlin car)
Otto: Don’t worry Bart dude! I’ll take care of it!
(Swerves into other lane ramming Moleman off the road)
Moleman: Oh no, I just had one payment left on this thing…
(Comes to a stop just before hitting tree, then explodes)
KABOOOOOOOOOOOM
Ralph: Me fail english? That’s unpossible!
Bart: Yes, I’m looking for a Mr. Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Yeah, hold on a sec. HEY EVERYBODY!! I’M LOOKING FOR A HUGH JASS!! IS HUGH JASS HERE? CHECK THE BATHROOMS FOR A HUGH JASS!!
Sideshow Bob: The truth?! You want the truth!?! You can’t HANDLE the truth! I deride your truth handling abilites!
(Watching Homer on security monitor eating doughnuts)
Burns: Yes, thats right, keep eating…little do you know you are ever drawing closer to the POISON doughnut! Ahahahahahaah…(Stops abruptly)…There is a poisoned one, isn’t there, Smithers?
Smithers: Umm…no, sir. Our lawyers considered it, uh, murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
(Last one)
(Moe is hooked up to a lie detector after Mr. Burns is shot)
Officer: Did you have any reason to shoot Mr. Burns?
Moe: No! (NNNNNT!)
Moe: Well, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him! (DING!)
Officer: Alright sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, cause I got a hot date tonight! (NNNNNT!)
Moe: Odd date… (NNNNNT!)
Moe: Dinner alone. (NNNNNT!)
Moe: Watchin TV alone! (NNNNNT!)
Moe: Alright! I was planning on ogling the ladies in the Victoria’s secret catalog. (NNNNNT!)
Moe: …Sears catalog. (DING!)
Moe: Would you unhook me already please? I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (NNNNNT!)
Bart and Sideshow Bob hang onto dynamite over a dam while Sideshow’s brother Cecil prepares to blow them up. Cecil says:
“And now, to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you’ll be nowhere near them.”