I was at a restaurant with my mom and sisters. Sister Patti told the waitress she’d like a hamburger. The waitress said, “Do you want the half pound or quarter pound burger?” Patti replied, “Oh, just the half pound. I’m not very hungry.”
This is the same sister who once got lost driving home from the place where she’d worked for over a year. She drove to Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan before she finally called home for directions.
It seems that reports who ask questions for a living, also ask the some of the dumbest. This is my favorite story.
At a news conference a few days after the Northridge Earthquake, a speaker states that the earthquake was on a unknown fault.
A reporter ask how many unknown faults are there?
“If we would have new knowledge,
we must get a world of new questions”
Words of wisdom from Charlize Theron.
“Vancouver is very clean and very lovely. You have to use Canadian money there, though. It’s very strange.” --Charlize “Swifty” Theron, in Entertainment Weekly. No, the strange thing is how you avoid walking into open manholes, you airheaded yahoo.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.
Someone just did that to me today. He was met with stunned silence, then, “you’re kidding.”
Mayor of Snerdville, the home of Mortimer Snerd
“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight
Once I was standing in front of a beehive display at the county fair checking out the bees when the Miss Santa Clara Co, and her entourage came walking up to the booth. The person behind the booth had just said to me… “you can recognize the queen bee in the hive by the red fingernail polish on her back.” The beauty queen proceeded to ask…“oohh was she born that way?”
I kid you not!
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
pqlier said:
Funny, I thought it might have something to do with the several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict…
About four years ago, my best friend and I were out in a canoe. It was late at night and we had a candle burning on a dish. Then, out of the blue, she looks up at me and asks, “if we dropped this candle into the water would the whole lake start on fire?”
Woo.
“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein
Oh, this is also the same friend that called me to ask me what her postal code was.
“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein
My favorites:
During my former career as a computer instuctor, I loved it when after an 8 hour…that’s right, 8 hour class of say- Microsoft Word they would ask “what was this class?” while filling out my evaluation sheet. Sigh…
Zette
Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.
Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity
I went to the local McDonald’s and ordered, along with my food, a small chocolate shake. The Bright Spark behind the counter informs me, “We don’t have small shakes. We only have medium and large.” Then she looks to me for a decision. To which I could only say “Uh… Wha??” Bright Spark suggests medium. I say “Uh… Yeah.”
People like that just confuse me.
Virtually yours,
DrMatrix
I went to a Catholic High School, which makes this one even more amusing.
A girl in one of my classes, who normally is pretty bright, asked someone else in the class ‘Is the Pope Jewish?’
She had apparently taken the skullcap he wears as a Yarmulke.
We never let the poor girl live it down…
Eschew Obfuscation
A couple years back in highschool, a girl asked me how old I was.
“I turned 17 last November.”
“Oh…when do you turn 18?”
I wonder if she ever graduated…
I just remembered another one with the same friend.
We were at a band rehearsal and had a substitute director. Someone asked my friend what his name was and she said, “well, it says Bach on his trumpet case…” What made it even worse was that she pronounced it ‘batch’.
“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein
When I worked at a zoo this happened every time I took the eagle out in public. It is a 11 pound, 3 foot bird with a 6 foot wing span. I would wear a 5 layer leather glove on my arm and carry a crutch to rest on in the other hand. Then there would 4 large people clearing a path for me, two which are holding long metal poles.
Someone will always run past all this and try to pet the eagle.
I do tech Support. As someone on the board already said (I forgewt who, my apologies)tech support people arent smart, theyre normal people talking to Idiots all day, (something like that).Anyway, I got a call from a customer who couldnt get a floppy disk out of her disk drive. I asked her if she had pressed the button on the drive. She said no, and when she pressed it and the disk had popped out, she then said, “Oh! THATS what the button is for!”.
John Larrigan
“82.35% of all statistics are made up on the spot”–Vic Reeves