Practical Jokes

Flaming is getting so old. I say from now on instead flaming, we post virtual practical jokes on our object of derision.

David B isn’t posting as much as he used to, and it was his intelligence that got me interested in this board. Instead of posting, he’s off writing about reality tv and stuff.

So, for the first example, I would like to get back at him, by making scary noises in his house, rattling chains while he sleeps, and covering his furniture with a layer of k-y jelly, and see how long his skepticism holds (the k-y jelly turns your most hardened skeptic into Carlos Castenada in about five minutes.)
Who would you get, and how would you do it?

I would Saran Wrap the toilet bowl in their residence.

The victims would be anyone, anyone who trolls the board telling us all that we are going to hell unless we subscribe to his/her/its particular variant religion.

Better yet,Saran wrap the toilet AND put laxative in their food or drink.

I’ve got something even better than Saran Wrap…it’s a powder that makes water into thick gel REALLY fast. A small bottle of this stuff would turn the water into jelly that would keep a log of shit vertical.

The object of my derision shall not be named, in simple self-defense, but I wish for him (or her, as the gender of the poster in question is not clear), most devoutly, the following excursion to Internet Hell:

–the suckiest ISP in the world, with only one local access number, which is always busy, even at 3 a.m., with many pointless disconnections in the middle of long Replies, with consequent loss of that two hours of work on withering rhetoric and Google hits, along with constant irritating “The line is busy” and “Another program is dialing that number” messages when trying to get onto the Internet, when it’s perfectly obvious to any computer with more than 1 MB of RAM that the line is NOT busy, and there IS NO PROGRAM already dialing that number;

–and weird computer lockups while surfing the Internet, which also lock up the Task Manager, so it won’t Restart, and all there is to do is turn the computer off and on again, and then sit there while it goes through its automatic ScanDisk routine which refuses to Cancel;

–and last but not least, the experience of downloading an upgrade that completely screws up everything else that was already installed on the computer, necessitating a complete reformat of the hard drive, with loss of all game scores, cookies, Favorites folders, and MB passwords, which will all have to be e-mailed because they’re long since forgotten, and then re-entered.


So, you are wishing an install of Windows ME and Earthlink internet services?

Is this the curse that is upon me?

This should really be their ad slogan.

Speaking as an extremely hardened skeptic (on some occasions), I would like to report that I have yet to note any resemblance to Mr. Casteneda.

I’m moving this to MPSIMS, which is where I feel it really belongs.