When I was little, I’m not sure the precise age but I do have vague memories of this – let’s say 6 year old – my aunt used to try to get me to say, “shit,” because she thought it was funny to hear me swear. But when I wouldn’t say it she pulled this on me:
She: “Ok then, say, ‘honey.’”
Me: “Honey.”
She: “Ha ha. Honey is bee shit. You said ‘bee shit!’”
And I would cry.
Thanks for making me re-live that, you fuckers (if you can’t beat them, join then, I always say).
My nephew had the same situation, but his response was more of a problem:
“Then I’ll say it lots, so I’ll be all grown up too!”
I’m told, though I don’t remember it, that I was playing with my blocks one day, building a tower when it fell I muttered,“Shit”
This I witnessed though. My niece(14.5 now) when she was first learning to speak couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘L’ or rather she would use a ‘T’ instead of an ‘L’. So like became tike, and my name as she calls me Lilly became Titty.
I was over at my sister’s house for Christmas or something, and she was showing something to my then-6-year-old niece. Whatever it was surprised my niece, and she blurted out, “What the FUCK?!” Then she immediately clapped both hands over her mouth and her eyes went big as saucers. My sister just laughed and said, “The things they hear at school!”
I have a clear memory of my very young self (younger than 10, at any rate) telling my aunt I was going to rape her. Of course, I had no idea what that meant, and I’m not even sure where I heard the word. But I sure remember the utterly horrified look on my aunt’s face!
Lets just say I moved away from my family for a reason.
When I was about 14 I had a crop of cousins in the 6+ range and my aunt had a sweet little 3 yr old boy. My other aunts and uncles, convinced that their breeding days were over decided that it would be fun to use him to pick on their little sister. So they taught him it was hilarious to run up to people and shout “Eat shit”. To reinforce this behaviour they laughed gleefully every time he did this.
Until the day we had a family party and grandma was sitting in the living room. There had been an argument about something and everyone was a little quiet. This was the PERFECT time for some laughter. So little D runs into the room, straight to Grandma and shouts “Eat shit Grandma”
I believe every one of her children were grounded that day. Didn’t seem to matter that the youngest was 30.
A co-worker’s story. It doesn’t really fit the thread, because the child didn’t curse… and yet somehow it still seems apropos anyway.
Co-worker’s daughter was about 6 at the time. Co-worker was angry about something going on at home and, in exasperation, accidentally let fly with “I FUCKIN’ HATE THAT!” The daughter jumped on her immediately.
“Mommy!” she said. "We don’t say “hate!”
If only there was a Hallmark card for this.
I believe this qualifies in the best way. I have a buddy who prefers to tone down the intensity of Goddamn to Goddang, instead of the more regular forms like Goldarn, Dagnab and whatever. Sometimes he varies with Goddurn.
When my youngest was about 2 he was sitting on one of those junior lawn chairs between several of my friends at the beach. He was drinking a bottle and waving his hands around grumbling something.
I asked him to take the bottle out his mouth so I could hear him properly. He complied and hollered out, “I said get away from me you fuckin’ bees!” :eek:
Not quite on topic but close enough. One of my earliest memories as a kid of about 3, was my mother telling my brother that he had diarrhea. Not wanting my brother to get something that I didn’t and not understanding the word, I started demanding that I wanted diarrhea too.
My coworker’s young son was enthralled with a miniature pencil they picked up at a restaurant some where. I guess he carried it everywhere with him that weekend.
On Monday the assignment in his class was to share something they loved. So her son drew a picture of the pencil with a caption.
My coworker brought the paper in to work to show us… imagine a shabbily drawn picture of a pencil, with a caption that reads “I HAVE THE SMALLEST PENIS IN THE WOLD!” Apparently the teacher was shocked when she first saw his work!! HAHAHA!
Can’t remember where I saw it: note from child to teacher, explaining that her brother had “dire rear.”
At the cottage last summer, my dad told me that my five year old (now six) daughter had walked up to him with a nervous look and whispered “Grandpa, I shit my pants.”
That officially makes her one of the family.
My son, at age four or five, was in the living room playing the Gamecube Santa brought him. He wasn’t very good at the game, and I could hear him in the other room. Every time he’d mess up he’d exclaim “Shit!”
So I started up the hallway to talk to him about polite language, but I also needed my Stern Parent Face, and I couldn’t find it for the giggles I had - I could still hear him in the living room - “Come on…come on…ok, right and…shit! Start over…come on…shit!”
I know I stood in the hallway for what seemed like ages, tears streaming down my face, silently dissolved into massive giggles, then finding my Stern Parent Face only to have my precious child exclaim “Shit!” once again to make me lose it.
Eventually he got disgusted with the game and stopped playing. I never did get to talk to him about polite language that day!
Another “not quite” entry . . . When my friend’s son was about 7, he went through a phase of saying, “What the . . . ?” Just those two words. Playing a video game and something weird happened: “What the . . . ?”
It was pretty funny. (For all I know, he still does it. They live several states away.)
Another one on my Nephew, same one, this time about three years old. He’d gone to my mother’s house to spend the night and my sister had forgotten to pack him any pajamas. So he’s looking through his bag, and he told my mother “I’m looking for my jammies, Gaygay. " “I don’t think your Mommy packed you any jammies” “oh yes, I know they’re in here” He sees the bag is, in fact, devoid of pajamas, bangs his little fist, and declares " My Mother makes me so damn mad!”
About 20 years ago, a friend had a little boy; when he was about 2-ish, just really learning how to talk, her brother kept the little tyke for a weekend. He thought it would be adorably cute to teach him to say ‘fuck-shit’.
They were devout Catholics, so at Sunday morning mass, he greeted the Father by saying ‘fuck-shit-fuck-shit-fuck-shit’. My red faced friend tried to convince the father that he was saying ‘truck-ship-truck-ship’ but I don’t think he bought it.
One of my parents’ favorite stories about me- when JFK was assassinated, I was 3. They said the morning of the funeral, I was expecting my favorite cartoon show, and dragged my little wooden rocking chair out to the TV like I always did. When the funeral came on, I crossed my arms over my chest and said “Well sonuvabitch”.
When I was in 2nd grade (circa 1968) we were learning about 'friction". But being a kid (7 or 8 years old) I kept pronouncing it “fucktion”.
As if this isn’t funny enough, this little rooster inhaler named Marvin kept making a big deal of how I was pronouncing it. The teacher never once got upset at me, but got into a “shut the fuck up” mode with Marvin. Eventually, when I finally learned to pronounce ‘friction’ correctly…I didn’t !!! I kept saying it wrong because I knew the little f*g**t would get his undies in a bunch and make a big deal about it and then get pulled to the side and get bitched at by the teacher!
Bwwwwaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!!
Lawdy, my girl went through this at 4, and it was probably the hardest form of not-cursing to deal with! There wasn’t a “grown up word” in there to ask her not to say, but a 4 year old saying, “What the -?” with perfect inflection was sooooo uncomfortable for all the adults! 
My son discovered the Internet when he was about 2, so I had to put a password on the computer to keep him from downloading God knows what.
The next morning, I’m in one end of the house making toast, and he’s in the other end trying to log on to the computer, and he shouts, “GODDAMNIT!!”