BLARGH! Double post not intended, oopsie!
SanguineSpider tried desperately to convince the hamsters that double-posting was purely an accident, not at all intentional, no, no; truly, hadn’t intended to add to the poor rodents’ workload, never, never, nev
AAAAAIIIEEEEEE!!!
But the hamsters did run faster after they’d finished eating.
Firstly, and most importantly, I would like to express my most sincere gratitude toward all the posters on this thread.
It is an honor to be killed by such fine, upstanding people.
Oh yeah, and ETF, she’s already dead. She died at the AMAs last night. My cousin said listening to Outkast never killed anyone…
She didn’t play it at 200 decibals.
BellaDellaItalia was pissed again. How many times WAS it now that her stupid boyfriend had cheated on her? 7, 8? Enough… it was enough, she told herself as she fumed with silent, deadly anger. Enough was enough.
She had to put a stop to his behaviors, HAD to make him see she was the one he belonged with forever and ever, and ever… couldn’t he see that? Could he not understand they were true soulmates? She sighed, eyes closed against the livid, red pain of her breaking heart. Never again would he cheat, never again would he lie with another. This time BellaDellaItalia would make sure he wouldn’t stray again.
She gathered up four large, black candles with new, unburned wicks, her secret book that held within it an ancient spell that was sure to do the trick (it HAD to), and four very clear crystals that she’d found along with the book oh, so long ago. The crystals and the book were a legacy of her aunt’s, handed down to one very special girl in the family each generation (as was detailed in a loving, handwritten script in the first few pages of the tome) but BellaDellaItalia had discovered it while rummaging through that attic of her aunt’s house one day and decided to take it anyway. No one had spoken to her of such a family secret and who knew if the spells within would even work for her but she hoped they might for deep in her heart, she had always felt a little different from other girls, had felt a touch of something profound on her soul.
Laying down a thick, indigo cloth over her small living room table,BellaDellaItalia set the four candles into a square, these would represent the four elements of nature. The crystals she set length-wise onto the cloth, pointing into the center and directing the energy from each of the candles toward her circle of magic. From the burgundy velvet bag at her hip, she produced a small, dark branch of unknown wood to lay in the exact center of the candles, exactly within the space the crystals pointed.
BellaDellaItalia then gently pulled out four of her long black hairs pluck “Ow”, she muttered and rubbed the spot the hairs had come from on her head before tying the hairs around the small branch and setting inside the crystals.
Taking out a cheap plastic lighter from the velvet bag, she lit each of the candles in turn and opened the book to a page she had marked with a red ribbon. This page, this one page would do it. This one spell would put her boyfriend in his place… at HER side and no other’s. She watched the flames slowly eat down the wicks and touch the inky wax of the candles and she began to read.
"Water and wind, fire and earth… Mother Goddess of ancient birth… Hear the pain of daughter’s plight… help her now and make it right!
The flames were eagerly melting away the wax nearest to the wicks, it dripped down the sides of the candles slowly and she spoke again.
"Water and wind, fire and earth… Mother Goddess of ancient birth… Hear the pain of daughter’s plight… help her now and make it right!
Ending the words in a shout, BellaDellaItalia saw the crystals begin to glow with a soft, white radiance and she smiled. Third times the charm, she thought, and repeated the words.
"Water and wind, fire and earth… Mother Goddess of ancient birth… Hear the pain of daughter’s plight… help her now and make it right!!
The branch tied with her four black hairs took on some of the crystals radiance and she gasped! It was working! All she had to do was put the branch in one of his pants or shirt pockets and he’d never wander again! “Ha HA!”, she cried and grabbed up the branch excitedly. It flashed brightly in her hand once, burning her and she yelped. Huh?? The branch began to glow hotter, turning reddish now, and she couldn’t drop it. It would NOT leave her hand! The glow kept getting brighter and brighter but no matter how much she waved her hand, the thing wouldn’t drop! Grabbing up the book, she frantically reread the rest of the instructions of the spell and almost dropped it when she realized she needed four of HIS hairs and not her own!
Screaming, BellaDellaItalia shut her eyes against the sun bright glow and could see through her eyelids that it just kept getting brighter! Suddenly it flashed with super white light and the small branch dropped to the floor, smoking ever so slightly, its glow fading away. The book, laying discarded on the table, suddenly shut by itself with a dull thud but BellaDellaItalia herself, was gone.
(Disclaimer I don’t know exact rituals or anything or the preperation of spells. What I’m posting here is just a story so don’t get MAD if I’m not doing magic spells and such correctly!)
And, dear BellaDellaItalia, I (we?) truly appreciate your creating this thread. It was a brilliant and fun idea, and it drew quite the crowd of morbid writers. I am in awe at the skill of the wordsmiths here.
Hopefully we’ll keep dying for a few more pages. 
And poor, poor SanguineSpider was crawling around on BellaDellaItalia’s table, right next to the Witches Gone Wild book of spells. Just at the moment Bella expired, SanguineSpider found one of her richly red legs caught in the spine of the book. She crawls up into the middle of the page to get some leverage …
THUD
Morbid you say? Nay! I cryeth foul on thee! Well, morbid is fun! I’ve been enjoying my deaths immensely, thank you all!
So sad… so very sad…
peritrochoid was so sure he’d found the Elixir of Life, the potion that promised immortaility. His glee brought tears to his eyes as he raised the bubbling beaker to his trembling lips.
Thus it was that, his vision clouded, he failed to notice SanguineSpider, who’d just rappelled through the reactor core before sliding down a thread of silk into the elixir.
Sploosh! SS drowned in the seething mixture just as peritrochoid took his first gulp. Little did he know how the last-minute dash of radioactivity would alter the complex chemical processes he’d set in motion!
peritrochoid did indeed achieve immortality – of sorts. Look closely at this silk scarf, woven of the finest spiderweb. Hold it to your ear… can you hear a tiny, desperate voice crying for release? A living death… oh, the sorrow and the pity…
peritrochoid was having a pretty uneventful Friday the 13th, until…he started to get hungry. He knew what he needed…chocolate covered fish sticks! His favorite snack! He went to the refridgerator to grab some.
WHAT THE- no choco fish sticks?? Impossible!! He searched again…and again…but they were gone.
Oh, the agony! Oh, the remorse! Oh, the uncontrollable need for his precious chocolatey marine life!
At first peritrochoid didn’t know what to do. Choco covered fish sticks were only manufactured by one religious cult…and the S’na Rem’s holy day was Friday the 13th.
But HE NEEDED THEM.
Making them at home himself was too risky, no, he needed some other way…
He wasn’t about to disturb the S’na Remon a holy day. They were known for thier somewhat extreme torture methods, involving a feared istrument known as, the “nasal torch.” No, he wasn’t going through that again.
There was only one other way. The choco covered fish stick black market was under heavy investigation by the LAPD right now, but he was willing to risk it. He called a contact in Rino. Her name was Desdomonda, and she was as fickle as she was beautiful.
“Desdomonda, I need a favor…”
Of course, ol’ Desi still owed him from the time he saved her life from an angry mob of sheep-crazed Metallica roadies (long story) so she obliged. Little did peritrochoid know how much Desdomonda detested being called “ol’ Desi.”
Desdomonda promised to ship the goods, rush delivery, to Stadtzentrum, Knoxberg. Score!
peritrochoid was thrilled. He was deliriously happy. When he heard the UPS truck pull up, he was practically exploding from joy, which is an interesting choice of words considering what happened next…
Had he been more alert, peritrochoid would have noticed that that wasn’t a UPS truck, and that fish stick packages didn’t usually weigh forty pounds.
*KA-BOOM!!! (for lack of a better sound effect)
Forget backward religious cults and the LAPD, I always told him there was nothing more dangerous than a vain beauty with a bad nickname.
I am going to be so sore in the morning. I kid you not, I am laughing hysterically right now at my two most recent deaths! I LOVE IT!
If I could die three deaths, I would want one to be the death BellaDellaItalia just predicted; one to be the death EddyTeddyFreddy predicted just prior; and the other to be the death SanguineSpider predicted a page or so ago.
You guys ROCK!
Thank you, thank you… I will be here all week!
peritrochoid and SanguineSpider got to chatting in the midst of a game on the SDMB. They were so absorbed in their chitchat that they failed to notice an irate hamster who, enraged at their straying from the purpose of the thread, went mad from the extra work. Suddenly…
CHOMP! CHOMP!!! In a flash, the irate rodent had bitten through their jugulars. Their blood pooled together in congealing friendship as they expired.
EddyTeddyFreddy: expires while singing “The Name Game” over and over and over…
Eddy Eddy Bo Beddy, BananaFana Fo Freddy, Me Mi Mo Meddy, Teddy! (or something like that…)
Kalhoun, your mom said
“If your friend jumped off a cliff,
would YOU?” Well, he did.
GrizzRich was walking alond the road near Cleveland when he noticed a large convoy of vehicles approaching him, including a school bus loaded with people. As the bus drew closer he saw that the occupants were dressed in black and gold, and were hanging out of the windows and screaming thier lungs out. Several had pennants and flags waving in the breeze, some on poles. One of the flag-bearers had their pole pointed forward, like a lance, and did not notice that the bus driver had started to pull over to GrizzRich (to ask for directions to the stadium.)
GrizzRich was distracted by the door opening, where a comely woman was about to relay the driver’s request. The flagpole pierced the left side of his chest and plunged straight through his heart. GrizzRich died before anyone could help.
The woman at the door looked at the corpse and said, “I hope he was a Browns fan.”
Steelerphan tried to steal a giant steel fan, but lost his nerves of steel and tripped, falling into the steel fan blades and became so much sushi…
Teegus one day found eirself in the Nile, swimming frantically for shore with a huge crocodile in pursuit.
Almost made it too, till the log floating by the bank opened its toothy jaws…
EddyTeddyFreddy’s bike slid into a ditch from which she was catapulted into a wall which was being demolished by means of dynamite. (to understand that see “Corrupt Wish Game”)
BigDaiv’s bid to finally defeat Iron Chef Japanese was going well until the knife slipped during a difficult eel-gutting manuever. The announcer found a silver lining when he pointed out that it was the finest blood geyser ever to occur on the show.
chawlmer wanted pancakes for breakfast. Wanted them intensely, poignantly, hungrily, desperately.
chawlmer got pancakes for breakfast. In fact, the whole meal was flat as a pancake, including the breakfaster, when the asteroid landed in Concrete Swamp, Texas.
EddyTeddyFreddy was killed by the Victoria’s Secret’s models after their show tonight - their motive: jealousy, of course.
Yeah, I’d look good too if I was wearing a freaking billon dollar diamond bra.