Kythereia loses because everyone likes ETF’s better 
BUT…
ETF visits the Dopefest at Velma’s house–and gets trapped in the Cooler of Death. The horror, the horror!
In the year 8769 famed archeologist Indiana Johnson finds the bones of ETF and Kythereia intertwined in what can only be described as a compromising position.
(Where can I get a rubber with a Smiley on it? Huh? Huh?)
BJMoose: Unable to deploy his foistboinders in time, Boris and Natasha finally get him with a load of Hush-a-boom. In other news, Fearless Leader dies of a sudden heart attack from the stress of not yelling at his two otherwise hapless spies.
vunderbob, having taken over the agency proceeds to increase attempts to “get moose and squirel”. Forgetting, however, that insane schemes involving large roung bombs with burning fuses should only be attempted when one is an animated cartoon, he is suddenly extinguished by a large falling anvil.
Pervert is caught in the bushes at the house of a Texan belle, thus follows an incident with her father and a number of bull horns…
Chimpy is killed by a rock thrown in error during a poo fling at his family reunion.
little*bit is poisoned after his (her? I’ll stick with his for simplicity’s sake) SO, involved in a torrid, passionate love affair with the neighbour next door, laces his midnight martini with a dropperful of cyanide. Her defence at the trial: “But it was just a little bit!”
bump
Kytheria bumps one or two threads one time too often and is slowly eaten alive by Hamsters…
(Why are the hamsters always so slow?)
The Straight Dope Message Board regrets to announce the passing of Chimpy, aged one year. The coroner, G. Mortimer Bonebrake, says Chimpy died of multiple contusions resulting from the latest monkey-spank in the Pit.
**BJMoose ** finally succeeded in pulling an actual rabbit out of his hat.
Unfortunately, this particular bunny was still pissed off about that business with his brother and the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and used his sharp pointy teeth to great effect.
Suburban Plankton was involved in a passionate affair with Coral Seaweed, a bewitching siren of the deep, and was subsequently murdered by her jealous husband, Algae Sponge.
Kythereia didn’t deserve to die. Didn’t deserve to die the way she did.
Face down in a platter of Linguini Al Cecilia, at Trattoria Zotti. Why, oh, why had she asked if they served Hamster Parmigiana?
EddyTeddyFreddy may she RIP.
We all thought Eddy and Teddy and Freddy were cats. Not so. It seems the Teddy in question was actually red satin and laced up the front. The obit does not specifically name Eddy and Freddy but we believe they died happy.
After stumbling across the “Predict the Death . . .” thread, smartini turns, takes two mincing steps, trips and falls headlong into a vat of boiling prune juice. With walnuts. Slimey, hideous walnuts.
Three weeks later, smartini’s estate is sued by St. Martin’s Press. Seems they’ve registered the imprint Smartini in Italy and are suing for trademark violation.
BJMoose settled in with a beer and chips to watch the second Presidential Debate. He heard Bush say this:
“Yeah, great question, thanks. I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.”
Now, BJMoose may have been a little buzzed from the beer, but he thought…no, wait, did he say Intertets? There’s more than one? Stumbling to his computer, he googled for “Second Internet - the one in the mind of Bush” and found…
Oh, that’s not pretty. It turns out Al Gore makes a rather impressive Grim Reaper, and Death by ballot paper cuts is long, and rather painful. :eek:
Poor Blonde, may she be forever remembered. Putting whiteout on the screen to correct her typing errors, she sniffed too much and wound up in the hospital for an overdose…
After a ‘hilarious’ substitution,Kythereia’s demise comes when she does her comedy routine with a ‘fake’ ten ton weight landing on her.