vunderbob, mourning the loss of A F G, forgets that he is in an enclosed area, and dies in the ever-rising pool of salt tears.
Ithaka is disembowelled in an unfortunate misunderstanding with a fondue fork and a gesture he didn’t realize was obscene…
Iceland_Blue was collateral damage when the elephants bought the farm…
vunderbob, vunderbob,
what will he do?
don’t touch that shiny knob
ooops! mind that goo.
turn off that power drill
watch where you step
parking brake upon a hill
see your doc for strep
lives oh so carefully
does our vunderbob
too bad he couldn’t flee
engulfment by the Blob
Actually, EddyTeddyFreddy died sometime last year. However, she continues to haunt her computer, and since she doesn’t need to eat or sleep any more (as a ghost), this explains why her posting has actually increased since her death. 
Ponder Stibbons is chased by a herd of wild rhinos into a street, run over by a bulldozer, hit with a heat-seeking missile, swept away by a flash flood, attacked by bloodthirsty piranhas, exposed to toxic waste when he falls into a sewer, bitten by rats, clonked on the head from a stray hammer dropped by a construction crew, hauled out and laid on a gurney to go to the hospital… and then gets electrocuted by a live wire, falls off the gurney, gets hit by another truck, mobbed by a group of parade goers, and finally savagely attacked by a group of evil clowns from the parade.
(Ponder, I love ya, really and honest!)
Kythereia is beaten to death with wet noodles by enraged Dopers who wanted to use her death methods.
ETF is forced into the shower while holding a toaster due to the BOFH.
This distinctly unsettles me
Nobody really believed Iceland_Blue would slip through the bars and be eaten alive by Polar Bears, but they were wrong, so very wrong.
RIP Mangetout. He believed the advertisement that promised he could increase the size of his member. Even when the equipment arrived he still believed the instructions. Had he but been awake, he would have realized that rapidly inflating it to an enormous size could only have had dire consequences. Those pieces of him that have been found will be buried tomorrow.
Iceland_Blue made the mistake of responding to an e-mail from Dr. Nmbua Sambe, who had access to a bank account holding $38 million. His plane flight will land in Nigeria in about…oh, 4 hours or so. The fact that he has a suitcase with $25000 cash to pay the fees is immaterial.
Clothahump will become deeply involved in an X-Prize Cup project involving a shitload of rubber bands. Alas, one will snap, taking out the entire development team including Clothy.
On a dare after drinking a pint of shandy, Ponder will eat 6 of Dibbler’s finest sausages in a bun without mustard.
Hmmm. Must remember to read the entire thread before adding to it. :smack:
Okay, Amazon will pass on after starting to believe her own PR and thinking she really is a goddess. Those gossamer costume wings really don’t guarantee any wind stability.
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: Would a passing mod please delete that last post? Please?
photopat will smack himself in the head so many times, he’ll give himself a concussion and wind up in the hospital, clinging to life in a coma. 
photopat smacks himself to death with a rubber smiley.
Simulpost!
ETF will be mobbed by so many of her adoring and devoted fans that she’ll be crushed to death under the wild stampede of people screaming for her autograph.
Kythereia and ETF fight to the death in a steel cage match over whose simulpost is better.