Predict the Unpredictable 2021

Well since the 2020 thread was such a brilliant, insightful and unerring thread that utterly nailed 2020 I thought we’d do it again.

Here goes:

Trump will sell genuine White House pens that he swiped from the oval office and that’s the crime that finally lands him in prison.

We will learn that Covid was a human made virus which ironically contains a piece of DNA that behaves similarly to a microchip (not sure what a microchip on its own is supposed to do but I predict them, I don’t explain them).

NASA’s uncrewed test flight of the giant rocket designed to return humans to the moon will have a stowaway on it: a stray cat which found a warm spot within a safe structure of the rocket. Once they realise this, NASA will send up an emergency rescue party who heroically return the kitty safely to Earth to great fanfare and a ticker tape parade. It’s the feel good story America needs. The cat will be adopted by President Biden who names it Shepard.

A scientist perfects a pill that completely cures male pattern baldness cheaply in just a few weeks. Extramarital affairs explode in number and pregnancy rates rocket. By October, the 2022 baby boom is already becoming known as Generation Baldie.

The Olympic Games finally goes ahead as a beautiful celebration of a COVD free world. Unfortunately only the richest half of the world have been inoculated and there are numerous boycotts as the vaccine rollout becomes increasingly political. The opening ceremony depicts a giant needle injecting itself into an athlete who climbs to light the Olympic flame. Lance Armstrong is top trending on Twitter.

Shepard viciously attacks and kills the pardoned Thanksgiving turkey moments after the ceremony. Biden pardons Shepard.

It’s no more unlikely than what will happen.

2021 will be the year we finally get flying cars. Mark my words.

Oh, someone’s got to say this: the LA Rams will win the Super Bowl, giving LA a trifecta in national major sports championships.

No, I don’t believe it either.

Donald Trump, ever the conspiracy-spouting cult idiot, has epiphany, gets religion, joins the Scientologists, engages in hostile take-over of the organization.

We receive an undeniable message from other intelligent beings in the universe, explaining the Fermi Paradox. It reads simply: “Be quiet, or they’ll find you.”

Corporations decide to quit fleeing the US and instead employ millions at living wages to produce quality products that are in demand world-wide. Shortly thereafter, monkeys will fly out of my butt.

Melanie breaks years of silence and publishes a revealing autobiography about her personal inner struggles marked by long periods of cold brooding silence and far away stares. The world will finally learn about the difficult personal challenges she faced in plans to re-organize her closets, including the heartbreaking choice of the AURDAL shelving system over the SVALNÄS. Thus unburdened, she finds the mental and emotional capacity to care and give a fuck about the Christmas.