Oh, thank goodness for this forum. I have noticed that pregnancy does nasty, permanent things sometimes to women. My mother lost a good deal of her memory esp and some thinking ability after having me. My friend said his wife changed drastically after giving birth to their only child. And my wife has suffered the same as my mother plus she has much less energy. She is starting to put on weight, the same as her mother did after having two children. I still love her the same and have adjusted to the situation but it is really driving her up the wall. It has certainly lowered her self-esteem and is either directly or indirectly causing her to eat uncontrollably. This question is too subtle for local medical specialists to handle, as far as I know. I have heard that a second pregnancy can reverse the effects of the first. In her mother’s case, it made them even worse. Can anyone comment on this? And yes, I have known other women who seemed to be unchanged by having children.
I don’t know how long ago your wife gave birth, but after I had my children, I had a lot of those problems. In my case a lot of it was pretty explainable stuff.
Babies cry a lot and I never got sleep, so I had no energy. Also with a lack of sleep came memory problems. I felt I had so much to do with the baby, I just couldn’t remember much.
I gained weight while pregnant, and now ten years later, it’s just starting to come off. Before this, I just didn’t have time.
I’ve never heard of things reversing with a second pregnancy. I can only say that cramps during my period got worse.
Could your wife possibly be suffering from post-partum depression ?
If I were you, I would certainly see a doctor and discuss things with him.
I always heard that the second child is the one that trashes the body. I only had one, and my body is pretty much the same as before my boy was born.
A lot of it is genetics, a lot of it is attitude, and a lot of it is because you JUST PUSHED A HUMAN BEING THROUGH A VERY SMALL OPENING. Everyone adjusts a little differently.
You are right, sleep deprivation is a problem, esp. since the child insists on sleeping with Mama and she is very active in her sleep. In my mother’s case, I don’t think sleep deprivation was a problem. (She used to normally sleep less than 8 hours, (about 4-5 hours) something that runs in my family.) We did have the kid trained to her own bed for a while but then she came back (didn’t even have to wait until she was eighteen as she’s only just three now). I know she got my sleep pattern off track back then and I still haven’t got back on track so I am sleeping way too long (something around 7 hours a night). Aside from sleeping pills, which I am opposed to due to their side effects, I don’t see what a doctor might offer. (By the way, virtually all primary care doctors here are women.) By the way, she certainly had no great improvement while the kid was sleeping in her own bed. One problem is the kid sleeps like my side of the family, already less than 8 hours in 24.
Right now (and for a long while) she has only had enough energy to put in her time at the office. I do most of the housework since I work at home. Depression I haven’t noticed. She thought about it about 6 months ago but I pointed out how destructive it is and that it would be mostly self-induced in her case and she veered away. (If you constantly repeat negative thoughts, you will become depressed. Vice versa, if you think positively, then you can brighten your mood. I made that mistake in my youth out of ignorance and now suffer physically due to it (e.g. talking outloud to myself), which she is able to see.) On the other hand, she does have physcal problems, which she does have a right to feel frustrated by.
The friend’s wife does not suffer from sleep deprivation but like my wife can sleep over 8 hours a night. Their child is about 7. I don’t know if her memory is affected but her attitude/mood certainly has been. I don’t mean about becoming serious about the baby, which virtually all women do, but how she interacts with people. She became much more domineering and a know-it-all. Her husband had trouble adjusting but seems to have succeeded finally.
Well, you really should try to get the baby in her own bed. It just isn’t good for anyone concerned. You have to be firm.