Pregnant Sister: Freaking out: Please help

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Okay, after trying for two years, my sister is PREGNANT! We are very close, I love her very much and I’m excited for TONS of reasons.

She’s having some cramping and she needs to take progesterone because her levels are low. So I know there is some risk and it’s very early in the pregnancy.

But I can’t help myself. I bought some onesies with giraffes on them.
Aren’t giraffes the official gender neutral animal and clothing of the newly born?

I’m freaking out! I know that I should calm down, relax and take the next 9 months in stride. But I"m SO happy for them! They tried for more than 2 years to get a baby. In fact, they had an appointment on Friday for some nasty test. After the complete cycle of Clomid (whatever you’re typically allowed to take before moving to the next level) my sister (and best friend, really) was set to have a camer inserted…well…I won’t bother you with the details.

But in any case, her PREGNANCY saved her from further fertility poking and jibing and pain and expense.

Even though it’s early, can’t I be happy because at least it means that she can GET pregnant? Someone tell me I can just be happy and not worried!!! Please!!!

I bought a package of four little baby jumpsuits and a little light up stuffed animal. But what if it’s TWINS!?

Oh…more about my sister: She weighs 115 pounds (at 5’4") soaking wet. So twins would be HYSTERICAL. I mean, any weight gain is kind of hilarious for her because she has to struggle to keep her weight “normal” and occasionally gets pulled over by cops who think she’s too young to DRIVE.

okay…bottom line: Someone please reassure me that most pregnancies have happy endings. I love my sister SO much. We are very close and I want her to be happy more than I want my SELF to be happy. So any good news any one has would be much appreciated. Also, any information about what I can do for her (buy for her, send to her, say to her) that might make her feel calm and happy is SOOOO much appreciated.

I’m serious you guys…she’s my best friend and a truly GOOD person. She and her husband (who works with children professionally) will be terrific parents. Please give me advice on how to relax and what to do to give them a hand!!

Thanks :slight_smile:

L

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First, relax about it being twins. Clomid rarely has that effect. At least that’s what the doctor who prescribed it for me several decades ago.

Second, yes, most pregnancies that last into the second trimester go to term. But frankly, an awful lot – more than most people know – never last a a month, even with no fertility issues. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s a fact. If you want to look at it another way, yes, most come full term, but I’ve seen estimates of from 10% to 40% ending otherwise, mostly in the first few weeks. The 40% seems a bit high to me, but then IANAD and YMMV, etc., etc.

I’ve been there, and my advice is to NOT give her baby items quite yet. If all does not go as hoped, it will be agonizing to look at clothes and furniture intended for a baby that didn’t make it. Or if you must buy them, put them away and give them to her in a few months.

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You are very sensible. Dang, I hate being sensible. Dang. I know it doesn’t look good. I mean, I know enough to understand that a huge majority of early pregnancies aren’t even REALIZED, much less celebrated. But…she’s my SISTER. You know?

Dang it.

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Do not, repeat, do not give her baby clothes yet. Wait until she hears a fetal heartbeat, which is (IIRC) around 9-12 weeks. Then you can give her baby items.

Here’s the bottom line: bad things happen all the time. Our wishing and hoping doesn’t change what is. She’s either pregnant or not. There is nothing you can do at this point to change that fact. Instead, all you can do is choose how you want to feel. Why not choose happy, upbeat, optimistic? So go ahead, be happy for her.

My sister went through something of the same thing. What we thought was her pregnancy was, instead, some awful hormonal trick of her body’s that required medical intervention. So I put the baby clothes and toys and books, already wrapped, on a shelf in my closet. I’m going to give them to her on Mothers Day, after the doctor confirms that this time, her body isn’t fooling her, and I’ll have a niece or nephew before Christmas.

Go ahead – celebrate the baby. You can grieve later if it doesn’t happen, but celebrate now.

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Dang, this is really rough, isn’t it? I love my sister. I want her to be happy. Ouch. I think your advice is sound. But…ouch. I will stick to it and try to remain cautiously optimistic.

Dang.

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Sorry. I wasn’t clear. Don’t be cautiously optimistic. Be just plain optimistic. And happy, and thrilled, and goofy.

Look – my house could get totalled by an earthquake overnight. Odds of that? Pretty good, actually, considering all the local fault lines. Am I prepared if that happens? Yup. Got my water, food, lantern and radio. But nothing I do, or don’t do, will affect whether there’s an earthquake tonight. So I choose to believe that there won’t be one, and I choose to be happy. I just don’t understand why more people don’t follow this line – why not be happy now?

Choose to believe she’s pregnant, until there’s actual evidence to the contrary, and choose to be happy for her.

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Well, it’s true, regardless of consequences. For the time being, she is undoubtedly pregnant. She and her husband (who works with children as a profressionally) are mature enough, ready, and desirous of children. The best possible way to bring a child into the world. She has had several positive pregnancy tests, including the blood test the doc gave her. In fact, she was told her hcG levels were quite high and I’ve been teasing her all along about the “twins” that are coming.

It’s just that she’s had some cramps and a little spotting, so we’re all nervous. So in spite of my great JOY taht she’s knocked up (pardon the crude term, but she and I think this is funny, espeically since it likely happened on the hood of their Thunderbird) I feel that I should prepare for disappointment and keep in mind that all this means is that she CAN get pregnant if she has to do it again.

But remember…I’m her SISTER. We are best friends, confidants, partners in crime, and one another’s escape from parental punishment. So it’s actually physically PAINFUL to me that she might end up getting hurt. I’m trying to be realistic. I know that what statistics are of early pregnancies that end in miscarriage. I understand that this could simply mean tht she’s CAPABLE of getting pregnant and it may work out next tkme.

She’s been told to take it easy, no running (she’s a jogger and very small and fit) adn she’s too rest as much as possible as long as she’s cramping. I know there are risks. But every fiber of my being wants her to have the family she wants. You know…torn between being optimistic and starting a college fund and waiting to see if it’s viable. Ack! What a tough place to be.

Sorry if I’m just whining and self-indulgent and repeating myself. I guess I just really needed a place to vent that wasn’t directly at my sister. I don’t want to worry her unnecessaily. My commnents to her so far have been along the lines of “Hey, you can get knocked up! That means if it doesn’t work out this time, you’ve got next month to look forward to!”

God, my sister is really a good person. She would do anything for me. Anything. Actually, I’ve told her that if necessary, I would carry a baby for her. I love her more than anything. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the notion that this could be just a normal, boring pregnancy, resulting in a screaming baby who keeps them up all night and won’t go to bed when it’s time. Hey…I watch Nanny 911! :slight_smile: Can’t this just potentially be NORMAL?

I worry abpout what her risks are, since she’s been hospitalized in the past for anorexia nervosa. But she’s a fairly normal wieght now…over 115 pounds and 5’4" and HEALTHY. I wish I was more of a believer, I would drop to my knees and pray for her.

L

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Oh yeah, and one other thing: I’m frantically knitting and sewing things for the baby to be. Do I make GREEN things? Yellow? It’s not a boy or a girl so how do I imake gender neutral baby things that don’t look STUPID? Does anyone have any patterns for such things ?

I guess I will have to start making blankets. The thing is, everyone in my family is a quilter or knitter (though, I have to say, I’m the master knitter in the family) so the poor baby is going to have basically disposable blankies!

I want mine to be the “favorite” though. If anyone has any patterns or material suggestions, I’d love it!

:L

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You’re so excited that your post read as positively manic. :slight_smile:

Keep being excited for your sister, and let her know it. But keep the baby stuff at your house until she’s further along and everything seems OK. I imagine there’s nothing worse than having to look at a nursery full of baby stuff after a miscarriage. You don’t want to set her up for that. If it were me, I’d probably wait until she was halfway through the pregnancy.

How’s she doing now that she’s on the drugs? Is the problem resolving? If so, I wouldn’t worry too much. Best wishes.

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First, congrats to you, the Auntie-to-be! It is an important role that you have been looking forward too, haven’t you?

Second, I wish there was a webcam on you and how excited you are. Most entertaining.

Thirdly, and most importantly, keep the knits simplistic. Simplistic = timeless. Simple things done well are far more precious in the long run than some busy, busy busy item.

check out books like this Booties are cute, but babies never keep the damn things on. Really, they don’t wear the sweaters more than once, but it is so cool that you can make something like that. You might want to make a few, for the other kids they have, as your energy levels are really at Defcon5 right now.

Booties

Special Knits

Knitted Gifts.

And a personal fav of mine: Teddy Bear Forget the price tag. (!) It’s just the cutest and is probably easily copied with less expensive yarn.

Have fun yarn shopping! (This kid deserves Da Best! Oh, and make something for your sister too and her husband. They will become yesterdays newspaper after this kid pops out.)

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As for color…keep it completely neutral…like the natural colors that are out there now. Very cool, very trendy.

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Also, ( Hey, I have insomnia.) welcome to a world where they (the marketing) just totally grabs new parents and childless people by the wallet (and testicles) and tries to screw them into overpaying for really.cute.thingies.

Example #1 These aprons are probably $15 of material total. (possibly twenty.) The rolling pins…possibly $10-15 each. This woman has a great idea of Vintage Baby-mom items that are adorable, but on Ebay with Martha Stewart pricing… GAH!

Do you sew at all? Cause there is this material called Minkee/Minkie…that is so freaking soft to the touch ( like buttah!) that I desperately want for myself, except I am not into pastels or primary colors. You could make a blankie.

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How far along is your sister? I have friends who had to take progesterone in the early days of their pregnancies and ended up with perfectly healthy babies. Is your sister also in the Boston area? If so, where is she getting her prenatal care?

I think it’s great that you’re so excited. My own experience tells me that you will get less frantic with time, and better able to just enjoy events as they unfold. [This from someone who operates on a low level of ‘frantic’ at all times, but still managed to have some moments of peace and happy excitement throughout 2 pregnancies.]

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I have a sewing machine and I could totally make those little things! That’s so cute! Thanks for the link, I had fun looking. :slight_smile:

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My sister is probably 2-3 weeks pregnant. Early!!! She’s in Illinois, a fact which is driving me insane. She went to have another blood test this morning and now I’m waiting to find out the results!

I guess I will have to calm down…I can’t be like this for nine months. I think I’ll feel much calmer when things are farther along and more stable.

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Well, as long as her hcG levels are doubling every 48 hours (is that it? I think so) or so, that’s a good early predicter. We’ll keep our fingers crossed!

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I hope for the best here for your sis and all! Babies are fun! I hope things go smoothly for them.

I would make a blanket/quilt. My daughter made a blankie for littlest brother (she was 8 when he was born) and he loves loves loves it. She picked out the fabric…um, burgundy and white check pattern with scattered gold giraffes and grayelephants (small) on one side, the other is solid forest green. It is slightly bigger than most baby blankets (something else I would recommend).

Ok-so not the colors/fabric I would have chosen–but now (he is almost 7) he still uses it(as an extra layer over his comforter, he also wraps his “sick” stuffed animals in it) , and doesn’t consider it baby-ish.

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I’m so happy for you and your sister. Just a warning that she’s likely to be a basketcase sometimes, no matter how well things go. My very premie daughter is still in the hospital, and we’re still very aware of the fact that she might not make it home. Sometimes, I love it when my friends talk as if it’s assumed she’ll be fine (“Oh, just wait until she’s running around the campground with the other kids! She’s going to love the firespinning!”), othertimes, it feels awful and jinx-y. Sometimes, it feels good when they speak cautiously (“We’ve all been blessed by her time here already, and if she decides not to stay, we’ll always have the lessons she’s taught us.”) and sometimes I want to scream because it feels like they’re condemning her to death. There is no rational rhyme or reason for my feelings on it one way or the other. They change frequently and quickly. So give your sister a lot of slack, and realize that no matter what you say, at some point it’s likely to be the wrong thing and she’ll flip out on you. It’s OK. At some level, she realizes she’s being crazy and you love her, she just doesn’t know how to not feel crazy.

And keep the baby clothes at home until her second trimester, at least.

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I’m trying to be sensitive to these things. You have some really good advice and a perspective I would like to keep in mind. I’m lucky that my sister and I are very close and if I say something that makes her uncomfortable she will just tell me gently what she thinks and I won’t do it again and we’ll still be friends. We really do have a great relationship!

Plus, she’s already been through several months worth of Chlomid so I KNOW how nuts she can get! The poor girl!

As for making blankets, this poor baby is going to have disposable baby blankets. My grandma is a quilter, my mother is a quilter, and I’m a quilter and knitter. So I might make some little clothes instead of blankets and just do ONE blanket from Aunt Laura. Also, I believe there are crocheted baby blankets from two of my GREAT grandmother’s that will be handed down to her when the baby comes.

And yes, I feel VERY optimistic now. She’s had another blood test and her hormone levels are progressing in whatever way they need to…I’m not sure what that is, but everything is normal. Her cramping has stopped and she thinks it might have just been WORRY making her stomach feel yucky.

Wow, I’m really happy.

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Honestly? I just wish I could have a sister as enthusiastic and excited about me as your sister has. You must be one of the world’s most caring people.