The offending song is here.
Don’t want to hijack the other thread further so I just want to note this here instead.
This song’s humor comes from a supposed smugness inherent in the example conversations illustrated at points throughout the song. The humor doesn’t hit for me, because I find the joke to be predicated on some pretty egregiously unfair assumptions.
In the first conversation, one woman asks “is it a boy or a girl?” The reply is “It doesn’t matter, as long as its healthy.” Then the conversation continues, but stop there for a second.
That is where the line of questioning should have ended. The first person asked a single polite question, and the second person politely deflected the question, indicating she doesn’t know (or possibly, does but would rather not say, though this is not strictly indicated) and isn’t interested in pursuing the topic.
That should be it. End of conversation. Nothing smug happening. Polite question, polite deflection, now let’s go talk about something else.
But the questioner persists. Argumentatively no less! “Really, because the two [i.e. sex of baby and its being healthy] don’t seem related.” The reply comes back again: “Oh it doesn’t matter, as long as they’re healthy.”
This is painted in the song as a smug repetition of the previous answer. But the thing is, the questioner shouldn’t have pursued it in the first place. It is unfair to make a judgment about the answerer given that she’s been put on the spot in the first place by the rudeness of the questioner!
It should be acknowledged that the further pursuit of the question is probably meant to give voice to the narrators’ “inner monologue,” so to speak–they’re saying “this is what we think when the answerer gives that first answer.” But the problem is they shouldn’t be thinking that. They shouldn’t be mad at the answer in the first place. They should understand it for what it is–a polite deflection, offered politely by a person who is under no obligation to say anything else.
Second conversation runs similarly. “What are you going to name it?” The reply comes back: “We know, but we’re not telling.”
Then the questioner sings, “Bitch, I don’t really care! I was being polite!”
So yes it’s within the realm of politeness (but note: not REQUIRED by politeness) to ask about the name of the baby. But the woman is not being “smug” by refusing to give the name. The fact is that women face the most insanely and inappropriately judgmental sentiments when they tell people what name they’ve chosen for their baby. It’s a sensitive topic, and they are perfectly within their rights not to say what the name is until they’re ready. It is not “smug” to say “we’re not telling.”
And here’s the thing: You don’t HAVE to care. Moreover, you don’t HAVE to ask about it. Politeness does not require it. Politeness permits it, but no more than that. If you ask, you’re inviting the pregnant woman to talk about the pregnancy, but it’s an invitation she’s under no obligation to accept. You should talk about the baby only if you’re both interested in doing so. If you’re not–then don’t ask. And if she’s not, then that’s okay. It is not smug, it is just like any other case where a person would rather talk about something else.
Every person is different. I am sure there are pregnant women who exhibit exactly the spirit this song illustrates–though I have to say I’ve known a lot of pregnant women and zero of them came close to this. But the thing is, plenty of them did say exactly the things said in this song (including my wife) and to assume this constitutes or exhibits some kind of “smugness” is egregiously unfair. I’d even call it cruel. It puts women in a catch 22. They can talk about the baby and be thought full of themselves for talking so much about it. Or they can deflect the conversation and be thought full of themselves for being “smug!”