We’re instituting a new plan for chores around our household. Our three-year-old daughter has one regular chore (feeding the cats in the evening), and we expect her to help clean up her messes after she’s done making them. At daycare, they have a “gem jar,” where when the kids help clean up, they get to put a gem in the jar. When it’s full, the class gets an ice cream party. I’m stealing this basic idea for home, as the sticker calendar is losing its allure. She’ll get a gem each night for feeding the cats, and as necessary when she helps clean stuff. I like that the system is expandable for other chores as we add them.
I have about 250 acrylic gems, and I can find a suitable jar. I’m looking for opinions on about how many gems should be “enough” (I’m thinking an amount that allows a reward every 3-4 weeks, but I’d love to hear other ideas), and on what a good reward should be. I don’t really want it to be a food treat (I have enough food issues already), and she’s not really that into new toys. I was thinking something like a fun trip out somewhere, but I’m not really sure where. Any ideas?
A trip to the zoo, maybe? If there are cats in the family, maybe she’d like to see other animals. Be sure to take binoculars. Or how about a new book? Books last a long time, and you can indoctrinate her into thinking that books are TREATS. Also, there’s DVDs, but you might not want to get her started on that quite yet.
Find out how much 21 to 28ish gems fills the jar, and make a mark with a sharpie there? Get another jar, or be ready to make a different colored mark when new chores are added and you up the amount it takes slightly. I might make it 30 to 35 gems though, since she’s also expected to help pick up after herself. Or, keep an informal tally of how many chores she does in a fairly typical week, and use that as a basis for your three to four week range?
As for the fun activity, why not make it seasonal, or a choice of seasonal activities. “When you get X number of gems in the jar, you can choose to go to the children’s museum, or skating, or on a trip to the zoo.” Don’t give too many choices, but I might offer 2 and make it clear that they will change as the seasons change. (This way it doesn’t get boring either.)
I was just wondering whether 3-4 weeks is a long time for a three-year old to wait, even if she can see the gems building up. Could you break it down a bit?
What if you had one jar that took 10 gems, once it is full she gets a mini reward and puts those gems into a bigger jar to earn her day out, which maybe she can have when she has 40/50 gems.
Say, for instance, she gets one gem for feeding the cats and then one for each time she helps tidy up, maybe for every 10 gems she can have a one dollar mini-reward to put towards buying herself a treat on your day out.
As she helps more often, you could just move the goal post, making treat day when she has 50/60 gems etc.
What about different jars for different activities? You could have a jar for the zoo, one for books, one for an activity centre etc - that way she can decide which one she wants to do most and allocate her gems accordingly.
That might be a concept that’s a little too advanced for her.
Are you going to do the opposite? If she forgets to feed the kitties and Mommy has to feed them, she loses a gem? Rewards are fine, but she also has to learn consequences.
I would say, let her pick what she wants to do (zoo, picnic, a day of dress-up and tea parties, if she’s into that sort of thing) and then have her draw a picture of it to put on the jar. Make a big deal of putting the first gem in the jar, but after that don’t make a big deal of it. If you feed the kitties once a day, 10 gems should be enough for a reward.
pony rides are the GREATEST THING EVER if she’s not scared of them and you can swing it.
a trip to a really cool playground with a few friends
going out to feed the ducks stale bread
going to see a short movie in the cinema if you can find one and if she can behave.
a picnic lunch… which is of food-centered, but more fun based on the setting
Find an outfit she loves and let her wear it as a mini-treat. Or let her wear really gaudy costume jewelry or a whole awesome kid dress-up ensemble out to the store or something.
It’s summer, so going swimming or playing in the sprinkler is fun. Also, getting a couple cans of shaving cream and a baby pool, putting it in the backyard and filling the pool with shaving cream- so much fun!
Having “been there, done that” - three weeks is a long time for a three year old. Immediate rewards work a lot better - although the gem itself may have allure and you have it, so give it a try.
I think you’ll discover that time doesn’t work well as a reward - she won’t differentiate between earned trips and unearned trips - and you’ll find yourself doing unearned trips because you are a good parent who takes you kid to the playground.
Well, you can always praise her, “Two more gems and you get your treat!” but I’d be worried about her overfeeding the kitties. “Look Mommy! I fed the kitties six times today!”
I agree that 3 - 4 weeks is way too long. I would make it every 1 - 2 weeks although the prize wouldn’t be that big. However, that introduces a problem of her doing a bad job and still earning a prize every 2 - 3 weeks. You may have to modify it. One way is to both add and subtract gems based on whether she does it or not.
The general idea works. My mother used it to deadly effect with 5th and 6th graders (including me) as a class when she taught. Used properly, it could induce good behavior among even the most hopeless miscreants.
No more than one gem a day for kitty feeding, no matter how many times she does it.
Thanks for all the good ideas! I am a bit worried about things like trips to the zoo becoming muddled with the stuff that we do with her anyway. On the other hand, there are new baby tigers at the zoo that’s only a couple miles from our house, so that’s a distinct possibility for a first time. A picnic may also work, as she’s been talking about that lately anyway. I had thought of books (which she adores - I think I read A Bad Case of Stripes at least 25 times in the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and I wasn’t the only one being required to read), but she has so many already that I wasn’t sure it would be a huge motivator.
I think she can handle anticipating something for three weeks, based on past experience with talking about “big stuff” coming up in the future. We spent months talking about what we would do when we went to Hawaii, and she was fine with it (we had a great time while we were there, too). I do think that the act of putting the gem in the jar will be rewarding for her as it happens, too, at least for a while.
Those seem to be pretty big rewards for regular chores. Are you really up for a big day out every three weeks? And what will you do when that isn’t such a big deal anymore because you’ve done it several times? I think I’d go with something smaller, like a treat she doesn’t usually get, or maybe a small toy. Maybe you could put together a jar of goodies to choose from. I know teachers who do this–get enough stickers or points and you get to pick from the prize box. She’s three, small things are big things to her.
I wouldn’t use books as a reward. Books should be a reward in and of itself. If you want to take her to the library or to the bookstore to pick out a book, that’s one thing, but a love of reading should be encouraged on its own merits, not as a means to an end. She should *want *to read, voraciously, on her own, not because she fed the kitties.
I think we’re in good shape on this one. I have never seen a child more obsessed with being read to, and she’s starting to recognize quite a few words (pretty good for three).
“Look Mommy! I fed the kitties six times today!”