Bah! SERVED in a man’s hat. Not sure how I managed to mangle that.
To serve a man’s single plum floating in a perfumed hat would take some balls.
I think where pretentious enters in to food is when the ingredients don’t actually improve the quality. Some of the small batch whiskies meet this requirement, they’re not very good, but they cost more than a bottle of mass produced, but well made whiskies.
Currently, I think some of the most pretentious libations on the market are IPAs. There are lots and lots of really bad IPAs out there with no flavor except bitter. You can tell that they thought up the quirky name and designed the label before they even learned how to brew. Beers have become more pretentious and ridiculous than wines, which have become more accessible.
For something to be truly pretentious, I think the consumer has to be ignorant of what quality means. Using that as a benchmark, I think cocktails using high-end vodka fit the bill. There comes a point where vodka is vodka and that point is well below the price point for Grey Goose, etc.
The light finally dawned at about post #35. Here I was, thinking to myself “If the cocktail party is pretentious, how can the OP be contemplating bringing ice? Guests at pretentious parties are hardly encouraged to bring their own ice, or anything else, for that matter, except their best manners, their most vivacious dispositions, and the most sparkling conversation they can manage to dig up.”
Finally, the penny dropped, and I realized that “pretentious” was intended to modify “cocktail,” rather than “party.”
So now I have no ideas to offer, because somebody ninja’d me on the pousse-cafe. I’m no so easily stymied, though, so here’s my idea: do the pousse-cafe, but just mix the liqueurs in a bottle before you arrive, and tell everyone that it’s a bottle of pousse-cafes. Pass it around; let everyone have a snort.
If you want to go through all the work, make the bottle of pousse-cafes (is that right? Or should it be pousses-cafe?) at your host’s bar, in layers, let everyone admire it, then pass it around.
Oh, and wear a monocle.
https://singleusemonocles.com/
Why yes, I bought a pack when they first came out. 
And then after all the hand-chipping of ice, pouring of artisanal bitters, etc, serve it Amuse-Bouche style. Maybe a beat up enamel soup spoon. Top with garnish.
I’d like all of your best boxed wines mixed together in a bucket.
This is why you are not invited.
This is my fault. Not that I’d ever intentionally leave things ambiguous to sow confusion, of course, but sometimes my desire for fun causes me to underestimate the possibility of a misreading.
In fact, the host specified: “This is a ‘(pretentious cocktail) party’, not a ‘pretentious (cocktail party)’”. Well, it might also be the latter, but that’s not the primary goal.
A monocle is a fantastic idea.
If you drink Aviations (which is a pretentious cocktail, and one of my standards - I like purple, and it matches most of my outfits - a girl’s drink should always match her shoes - and I have the prettiest pair of purple pumps) the creme de violette (there are three brands in the local liquor store - it used to be obscure) and maraschino are already in your cabinet. Creme de Menthe is needed for Grasshoppers (doesn’t everyone drink grasshoppers at Christmas?) and grenadine is standard. I would have to buy the chartrusse.
However, that cocktail would taste like crap. Blech.
My favorite right now is a drink invented by the guys at Tattersalls. http://tattersalldistilling.com/gin-vodka-aquavit/
They call it a Baysider. Its aquavit, habenaro bitters, mint simple syrup, clarified lime juice and sale. Its pretty pretentious.
Have you seen Bad Moms?
I had an awesome cocktail last summer. A sweetish champagne, creme de violette and thyme liquor. That’s pretty darn pretentious.
Sale should be salt. It does need salt
That’s kind of where I was going, although I didn’t articulate it well when I said “Grey Goose and Q Tonic”.
I seriously doubt that anyone’s going to taste the difference between say… Grey Goose and Smirnoff when mixed with ANY tonic. Amusingly, calling out the tonic would be the least pretentious thing about that particular drink; you would actually be able to tell the difference between say… Q and Canada Dry.
Similarly, calling out any higher-end liquor in most mixed drinks or cocktails is straight-up pretense, as while most mixed drinks feature the base spirit flavor pretty prominently, most differences that would distinguish one from the other are usually drowned by the additional ingredients like lime juice, liqueurs, bitters, etc… And even if you can tell that they used different say… rum in their mojito, I still think you’d be hard pressed to call it bad if it had Cruzan instead of 10 Cane.
So by that logic, calling your liquor in anything but maybe a legitimate cocktail, like a Sazerac or Old Fashioned, or if you’re going to drink it neat is pretty pretentious. It’s publicly proclaiming that you not only can afford that higher-end liquor, but that you can tell a difference, and that’s the epitome of pretense.
I came in to find a recipe for a Screaming Viking so as not to waste my bruised cucumber.
I’ll wait some more.
I agree with all of this and would like to respectfully add the Manhattan and martinis to the list of acceptable paces to call your spirit (and when I say martini, I mean gin).
why even bother with a cocktail … just get a bottle of johnny walker blue and drink it straight from the bottle … just make snarky comments about how drinking it is a regular occurrence and anything else being peasant swill
That depends on what you drink and how you are mixing it.
For instance, I like Few Gin - its a herbal gin - really light on the juniper. I can certainly tell the difference between a Few Gin and Q Tonic (Q is a really good tonic) gin and tonic and a Gordons and Canada Dry. But in my world a Gin and Tonic is not a Tonic and Gin, you have at least as much Gin in there. (I really don’t like Gin and Tonics, I like Few Gin and Tonics). I like Hammer and Sickle vodka. Now, I buy a lot of big jugs of cheap vodka to infuse and play with (if you are making homemade Kahlua, yeah, it really doesn’t matter what you start with in a vodka - and if your vodka is a base for a heavy on the triple sec, heavy on the cranberry juice cocktail Cosmo, who cares), but if I’m going to be drinking something where the sugar content isn’t high - something in the dirty martini range (or a bartender who makes a decent Cosmo) - yes, I can tell if you are pouring Phillips.
We don’t mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn’t make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few’s Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you’d notice it in something like a Manhattan.
Then there are liquors that can be amazingly different within their type. Tequila and single malt scotch come to mind. Now, I don’t know many people who mix single malt scotch - and I’m not a tequila drinker, but I’d think the difference in tequilas would be noticeable in a margarita unless you overdid the triple sec.
(I couldn’t tell the difference between Grey Goose and Smirnoff though in a vodka tonic - but I think they both suck as sipping Vodkas. I can in a vodka martini).
I don’t care about vodka, but shitty well vodka is pretty shitty, no matter how much mixer you put in it. I learned that in college when someone made cocktails with Wolfschmidt. Good lord! But it depends on what that bar’s rail pour is. If it’s that, Vladimir or Aristocrat, forget about it, I’m calling the shot. (But it’s rare that I’ll drink a vodka cocktail.)
Gin has lots of differences between brands and varieties within a brand. It makes sense to call it if you have preferences. I want a strong medicinal, juniper-tasting gin for my gimlet, since the Rose’s and lime does cut through it. And that’s why I specifically want Bombay Dry and not Sapphire, as the latter is too soft and sexy for a gimlet for me.
A blended malt? Pffft… Amateur. I’ll be over here with my Macallen 25 sherry oaked whiskey. Not quite the most expensive scotch whisky in the world, but at about a grand and a half a bottle, makes for a nice day-to-day sipper.
And single malt, dammit.