Pretentious cocktails

[madmonk28]

@Dangerosa

That depends on what you drink and how you are mixing it…

We don’t mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn’t make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few’s Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you’d notice it in something like a Manhattan…

I’d definitely notice as a Manhattan should be made with rye.

[Dangerosa]

@madmonk28

I’d definitely notice as a Manhattan should be made with rye.

Depends on whether you specify bourbon on not. When you specify a bourbon Manhattan, it should definitely have bourbon in it and not rye.

[August_West]

My new favorite cocktail has a nice pretentious-sounding name - the Boulevardier.

It’s basically a Negroni with bourbon. But a name like Boulevardier, you can’t beat that for adding pretentiousness. The latest one I had was served with house-made orange bitters and aged in a countertop bourbon barrel.

[bump]

@Dangerosa

We don’t mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn’t make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few’s Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you’d notice it in something like a Manhattan.

Then there are liquors that can be amazingly different within their type. Tequila and single malt scotch come to mind. Now, I don’t know many people who mix single malt scotch - and I’m not a tequila drinker, but I’d think the difference in tequilas would be noticeable in a margarita unless you overdid the triple sec.

(I couldn’t tell the difference between Grey Goose and Smirnoff though in a vodka tonic - but I think they both suck as sipping Vodkas. I can in a vodka martini).

That’s more or less where I was going with the “legitimate cocktail” comment in my post; the old-school cocktails (as opposed to mixed drinks) DO definitely point up the differences in spirits. So things like Martinis, Manhattans, Sazeracs, Old Fashioneds, Bronxes, etc… are all ones where it would make sense to call a specific spirit.

But something like a margarita… I don’t know. You can tell the difference between the various tequilas, although it’s usually more along the lines of tequila types (highland, lowland, mixto) within a category (blanco, anejo, reposado) than being able to distinguish brands within the same type and category.

I guess some of it ultimately depends on where you’re doing your drinking; more reputable places have higher quality well spirits, so there’s no need to douchebag it up and call for a specific spirit. But if you’re risking getting McCormick’s gin, maybe it’s not so pretentious to ask for Beefeater.

[Aspenglow]

@eunoia

As pulykamell suggests, definitely something with obscure homemade bitters, so we’re talking a whisky cocktail.

Start with muddled jabuticaba. For heaven’s sake not over-muddled jabuticaba! Practice an imperious sneer if anyone else even attempts to muddle.

Plenty of whiskies to choose from but I’ll suggest George Dickel Rye Whiskey. Affordable, suitably obscure. Go nuts on the pronunciation of Dickel. Points for getting others to break character and giggle. Anybody who mentions a finer rye like Sazerac for a mixed drink is the epitome of gauche. Conversely, even the most expensive single barrel bourbon is “insufferably low-rent”.

Make a sugar syrup from organic turbinado sugar. Try to mention “organic turbinado sugar” at least thrice. Stir thrice. Say “thrice” a lot.

Amaro is so chic right now and goes great with whisky cocktails. Something like Amaro Silano, and since you’re designing an original, you’re free to name the cocktail and expound on its origins in the pre-war Calabrese underworld.

Finish with a twist of buddha’s hand and voilà!

This was a confection of pretentiousness and deserves to be recognized. eunoia, I laughed, a lot and hard!

My vote for a pretentious cocktail: The Extra Mile. This one has it all.

2 1/2 oz. rye whiskey (I’ll go with the Dickel, too.)
3/4 oz. lemon juice
3/4 oz. broiled grapefruit-and-brown-sugar juice (That turbinado stuff, extracted with your extraordinary muddler.)
1/2 oz. roasted raspberry syrup
Dashes of bitters (Two kinds! Coffee pecan and bergamot – homemade, naturellement.)
1 barspoonful of apple cider vinegar (Not a teaspoon, not a teaspoon-and-a-half. A barspoonful.)
Selzer water (For keeping it real and just on the knife’s edge of pretentious, not ridiculous.)

Prepare your fixin’s. Combine all ingredients except the seltzer in a cocktail shaker and shake. Strain into a glass over your perfect ice, and top with selzer water.

Serve, and shiver in the praise heaped upon you.

[bump]

@Aspenglow

This was a confection of pretentiousness and deserves to be recognized. eunoia, I laughed, a lot and hard!

My vote for a pretentious cocktail: The Extra Mile. This one has it all.

2 1/2 oz. rye whiskey (I’ll go with the Dickel, too.)
3/4 oz. lemon juice
3/4 oz. broiled grapefruit-and-brown-sugar juice (That turbinado stuff, extracted with your extraordinary muddler.)
1/2 oz. roasted raspberry syrup
Dashes of bitters (Two kinds! Coffee pecan and bergamot – homemade, naturellement.)
1 barspoonful of apple cider vinegar (Not a teaspoon, not a teaspoon-and-a-half. A barspoonful.)
Selzer water (For keeping it real and just on the knife’s edge of pretentious, not ridiculous.)

Prepare your fixin’s. Combine all ingredients except the seltzer in a cocktail shaker and shake. Strain into a glass over your perfect ice, and top with selzer water.

Serve, and shiver in the praise heaped upon you.

Excellent example! Why not raspberry syrup and grapefruit juice, and some commercially available bitters? That would have kept it this side of pretentious.
(a “barspoon” is a common measurement in most cocktail/mixed drink books, and is equal to a teaspoon, and is the bowl of one of those long, spiral-handled spoons. Why they don’t just say a teaspoon is anyone’s guess, although mine is because most any set of bartending tools will have one of those spoons as a matter of course, while a lot of people may not have a set of measuring spoons, believe it or not.)

All that said, I don’t think drinking gets more pretentious than being made with Norwegian glacier ice.

[Wallaby]

@bump

All that said, I don’t think drinking gets more pretentious than being made with Norwegian glacier ice.

Pffffft.

Antarctic Nail Ale

[bump]

@Wallaby

Pffffft.

Antarctic Nail Ale

I don’t know… that’s more of a publicity stunt than outright pretense. I got the impression from the article I linked to, that those bars were serving glacier ice as a matter of everyday business.

[nearwildheaven]

I thought about this thread just now, because one of my Facebook friends posted that the water spout on her refrigerator suddenly got very slow, and she found out it was full of gold glitter, most likely placed there somehow by her 8-year-old niece, whom she is raising.

:smack:

Nope, not gold leaf, just that cheapo glitter that kids love and parents hate.

[Annoying_Buzz]

If you’ve got time, something that will give you some ‘pretentious’ cred while actually having an interesting (and quite possibly good) flavor is to make your own infusions.

Back at my old job we made a bunch in preparation for a bartending magazine we were producing, and they turned out pretty well. Take a handful of a really flavorful herbs or spice chopped up to maximize surface area (IIRC, we made infusions of cardamon, cinnamon, naga jolokia, vanilla and a few others), and let them steep in a liter of either dry or sweet vermouth for about 2 weeks. Use them to mix cocktails as you ordinarily would.

[silenus]

@Dangerosa

Depends on whether you specify bourbon on not. When you specify a bourbon Manhattan, it should definitely have bourbon in it and not rye.

If you are making it with bourbon, it isn’t a Manhattan. It’s a Queens at best.

[QUOTE=bump]
Excellent example! Why not raspberry syrup and grapefruit juice, and some commercially available bitters? That would have kept it this side of pretentious.
[/QUOTE]

But it wouldn’t taste nearly as good, I’ll bet. Sometimes “pretentious” is just people with lesser taste buds or understanding attempting to deal with things out of their ken. Or even their Barbie.

[Dr.Strangelove]

@pulykamell

Look through this thread. The guy answering the questions and giving the recipes is Toby Maloney, head mixologist at the Violet Hour, a well-known Chicago spot for top-shelf cocktails.

…and the followup.

I decided to go with The Fox Hunt, in part because everything was easily available at the local BevMo. I am somewhat ashamed to say that, aside from the ice, the only homemade part was the simple syrup.

I took third place. The winner was an Aviation, which was done well and pretentious, but frankly I think took first due to being very sweet and thus more accessible than mine (usual comment: “It’s like a SweetTart in drink form”).

Still, I got plenty of compliments and I think the whole thing was fun and done well. Everyone liked the monocle, and I got to explain my ice manufacturing process as usual.

Thanks again for the suggestions, all. The Fox Hunt was in fact damn tasty and I’ll be adding it to my repertoire.