Tickets to the big play… $170

1800’s costume rental… $stolen

500 writer’s pads full of your scribble… $500

Handgun… $225

Proving insanity as your defense in the trial… priceless
(nyuck nyuck nyuck :smiley: )

Am I missing something here?

nah… it’s juts broccoli.
Please see sig for explanation

Y’know something? I saw pez had posted, and I thought, “hey, someone’s got my back so I don’t have to explain this joke to anyone”. I open the thread, and what do I get? Revenge of the arch-nemesis. Well, I’m still not explaining it, and here’s another one…

Nice suit for tech support job interview… $500

Khaki’s and button-downs for work everyday… $270

Commute to work (per week)… $20

Lunches (per week)… $30

Doing a reverse lookup of some asshole who gives you shit because they can’t read what’s printed on your product’s box, finding his address, going to the post office in another city, and changing said asshole’s address… Priceless…

Someones lost it here!!!

I get the second one, but not the first. They are jokes one the credit card commercial.

And also a federal offense. I hope this was anecdotal and not something you actually DID.

All in jest my friend, all in jest… An amusing thought we had one day while at work.
Dr. Demento CD… $18

200 feet of audio patch cable… $450

Signal Pirate Audio equipment… $530

Key to the supply closet… $2

The look on the PETA member’s faces as their convention opens to the tune of “Dead Puppies”… Priceless…

Now THAT is funny!

Dead puppies aren’t much fun…

They don’t come, when you call,

They don’t chase squirrels at alllll…

(with apologies to Fenris)

Black Cherry Jello, one box… $0.97

Medium Tupperware container… $4.80

Boiling water… $0.02 (gas for stove)

Finding a new way to decorate for Halloween… Priceless…
(Sorry to hear about your bad day, but you gotta admit it is kinda funny. Think of the “I’m so dumb” story you’ll have…)

broccoli! !! You’re warped!!

I love you!!

Don’t stop… these are great.

No prob. It was funny in retrospect. And I got a few laughs at work retelling the incident, with the Foghorn Leghorn voice and everything. So it wasn’t all bad.

I like this artform you’ve invented. Like Haiku meets Jackie Chan. Hope you don’t mind if I give it a try:

How much this caller says he’s losing per minute without his computer…$200
What I’d have if I got a nickel for every time he said “Fuck you! I know what’s wrong with my system”…$1.20
How much his computer knowledge is worth on the open market…$0.01
Suddenly realizing that he’s ignored my instructions and erased his hard drive…Priceless…

Hmmm…too wordy. This is harder than it looks.

Keep these coming broccoli!, they’re great.


Strip club cover charge - $20

7 rounds of drinks - $95

Paying to have a stripper go home with you - $100

Paying for sex with the stripper - $200

Sending the stripper on her way after sex and going to sleep without having to discuss your feelings - priceless

Lighten up Drain, Jesus.

Bottle of Zinc … $6.49

Perscription of Valium … $5

Trazodone … $5

Spending a week at Langley Porter?


and on another note

Used Suit … $20

10 pairs of dress shoes … $100

Sign calling for impeaching Clinton and 12 zegatronic galaxies … $15

Wandering around SF for yeats like a fucking lunatic? … Priceless


Bridge toll on the Golden Gate … $ 3

Gas for the car … $10

Rope … $20

Hanging yourself from the most famous bridge in the world? … Priceless

Crunchy Frog, I was thinking more on the lines of…
Red leather ‘snakeskin’ jacket… $200

Cool shoes… $85

3-pack of condoms… $4.95

Cover for the club… $20

Three drinks to get’cha started… $12

Three drinks to get her started… $12

Cab fare… $20

Realizing ‘she’ is a ‘he’ before things get too friendly and booting his ass out the cab in the middle of nowhere fast… Priceless…

oooh! got another one!
Bottle of vitamin B complex, 150mg… $5

Bottle of Aspirin… $3

16 oz. plastic cup… $1.50

Remembering to take two Aspirin, a B complex, and drink a huge glass of water before bed after a long night drinking… Priceless…

(there are some things money just can’t buy, for everything else there’s the change in your couch cushions)

(this one is not funny, I just had to post it after a discussion)
One way ticket to Memphis… $200

Ticket to Graceland, platinum tour… $25

Ninja suit… $60

Shovel… $20

Proof that the King is dead… Priceless…

<asbestos undies now on>