As some of you may remember, I’m working on my PhD in a scientific discipline. I love the lab I’m in, and I love what I do.
I’ve always been bad with organization, time management, and not screwing up boring, routine tasks, but I’d always found ways to get by. I’ve never been great at lab work, much of which is repetitive and pretty mindless, but I did it well enough to get through a master’s and get admitted to a phD program.
My circumstances are different now. For the last few months, I’ve been having trouble getting my lab
work done. So, a few weeks ago, I went to see a psychologist, who diagnosed me with ADD. I then got a second opinion, which matched the first one. We’ve started with behavioral therapy to help me get my stuff together, and I’ve got an appointment with a psychiatrist for meds of some kind.
Here’s the problem–I talked with one of my labmates about my difficulty with focus and mentioned that I may have ADD. This labmate had told me about some sensitive personal problems–things they didn’t want me to spread. I had kept quiet, and my labmate told me that they wouldn’t tell anyone about what was going on with me.
Well, my labmate told my advisor. (My labmate felt very guilty about that and told me soon after.) My advisor’s a good guy, and I know that he’s noticed my lack of productivity and finds it frustrating (though probably not as frustrating as I do!) I also know that he’s got a heavy workload, hates disorganization of any kind, may not know much about ADD, and really shouldn’t have to deal with my problems on top of everything else he has going on right now.
A few days later we had a lab meeting that involved an introduction to some new software. I noticed that my advisor never made eye contact with me but kept telling me, specifically, to pay attention, even when I was obviously actively listening to the presentation.
I’m not sure how to handle this. I was really hoping to get meds quickly and then quietly work my butt off to make up for lost time. I really didn’t see any reason to have to tell my advisor anything if I could fix the problem myself without making trouble for him. (He doesn’t have tenure yet, and I’m on his first major grant. My being successful is a big deal to both of us.)
At this point, I assume I’ll have to say something to him. I’m just not sure what to say or how to say it. I still think I can get the work done, and I can get it done on schedule, with some work, creativity, and little help from an undergrad and the lab tech who are starting with us soon.
Before anyone says it–no, I shouldn’t have told my labmate. I know that now. And I really should’ve been quicker to act when I started getting behind. I feel pretty ashamed of myself for even being in this situation.
Those things having been said–if you were me, what would you do? I’d be grateful for your advice.