Proforma chart for today's polarized Great Debate

The BBQ Pit
1

Choose one from each parenthesised list, and submit your response to any post about the war in “Great Debates”

After about a week, the war is going ___________ (great!, as expected, badly, disastrously!);

therefore, the war will end within ________ (a day, weeks, never);

therefore, therefore those who _______ (supported, opposed, waffled) were wrong, and

and therefore __________ (liberals, democrats, consertives, republicans, the left, the right, the peace marchers, the warmongers) are complete shit-brained fucking idiots about everything else.

Copyright, 2003, JerkKnee Productions Inc.

2

Your post raises some ____________ (good, bad, idiotic, fantaboulariffic) points;

The dramatic polarity in Great Debates makes me ___________(frustrated, unsurprised, sad, horny);

However it is not just in Great Debates, but also in the __________ (Cafe Society, The Pit, MPSIMS, the White House)

From now on, I will completely ________ (ignore, argue with, spit upon, prance about with) any posts about the war.

3

Do you mind if I hijack this thread about the frustration over polarized, rigid positions by making a polarized, rigid statement?

4

I was all excited about reading the Micheal Moore pit and GD threads when I got to work this morning, but once I did, I just found them depressing and predictable. Opinions have hardened about the war. Both sides are just itching for a chance to say “I told you so.” I fear this will be the way of things for a while.

5

Hamlet, can I answer “all of the above” to your 3rd question?

:wink:

6

Have I mentioned lately that I love you all, and want to bear your child?

Thanks for the giggle.

Regards,
Shodan

7

As this is a ________(Pit, plea for help, a filibuster of Jimmy Stewart like progression, just another place to say Hi Opal)

I take great _______(Offense, Defense, Nofense, Picket Fence,) to ________ (Avalonian, Shodan, The OP, Bush, Zoff, Hamlet, Cousin Oliver)
and wish them ____________(great harm, great ham, instant leprosy, the inability to stay clothed in church)
for _______(their post, their response, here a sponse, there a sponse, everywhere a sponse sponse)

However I would like to __________(confess, admit, twist the nipples of, spank the monkey too)
that poster that _(sets my loins aflame in utter awe of their intelligence, causes me hives, makes me sacrifice a goat to the god that fueled their drunk father to give seed hence)
, (Avalonian, Shodan, The OP, Bush, Zoff, Hamlet, Cousin Oliver)

___________(Thank you, Screw You, Hi Opal, Bite me, Bite her, Cmon ride the train, Halleluyah!, Holy Shit!, Holy Mother, Kiss my ass, Kiss his ass, Merry Christmas!)

8

FranticMad, you forgot to add the following:

Now that we have conclusive evidence which _____ (does, does not) show that the Iraqis _______ (have weapons of mass destruction, surrendered, committed war crimes, are in bed with Osama), I’d just like to take this opportunity to say ________ (I told you so, stop crying wolf, go fuck yourself, I like pie).

9

Oh cripes, TigoleBitties, I think I lost bladder control. And my children think I have finally lost it completely. Please stop - laundry day isn’t till Wednesday, and these shorts have to last me.

And Sofa King -

Me too.

Regards,
Shodan

10

________(Thanks, EW!, You are sick!, Send me the shorts so I may eat them)

11

I’d like to wish everyone great ham.

Mmmmm…ham…

12

This is the ______ (funniest shit I’ve seen all month, main reason I come to the BBQ Pit, biggest reason I have Internet service at home, thing I love about y’all), and it is _____ (absolutely true, a fine example of postmodern humor, making me giggle and spurt incoherent lines from the posts here).

_____! (I love you guys, Wish great ham to everyone who likes ham, Wish great flan to everyone who dislikes ham, I now want some ham, dammit)

___ (:), :D, :p)

13

Time to _______________ (pull up a deckchair, make a witty one liner, lazily post single emoticon, minor hijack, major hijack, crack open a can of beer, begin meltdown)

14

I think that all of you are ____________________ (vastly amusing, deeply troubled emotionally, prominently featured in my masturbatory fantasies, in league with the voices in my head), and therefore I wish to ______________ (thank you all from the bottom of my heart, have my medications adjusted, seek to have you arrested in the dead of night, hide under my desk and quiver, dress up like Captain Marvel and make sexual advances to my pets).

Regards,

(Shodan, Hoe-down, No-dan, No-dear-not-tonight, Nigerian scam e-mail, link to goat porn site, random quote from the Simpsons, All Your Iraqi Base Are Belong To Us, the underwear is in the mail)

15

_____ (Signature, User Name, Band Name)

16

I just spewed ______________ (coffee, Hawaiian Punch, Billy Beer, gasoline) all over my ___________. (Monitor, keyboard, pet lizard, own genitals) _____________ (Hamlet, Opal, Satan, Jack Dean Tyler), you owe me a replacement.

That said, I am horribly ____________ (offended, confused, dehydrated, constipated) by the above post, and I hope the author will ____________ (issue a series of groveling apologies, come crawling back to this thread to receive an ass-beating, masturbate with a weed whacker, felch goats) until his _____________ (eyes pop out, testicles shrivel up into raisins, stomach fills up with semen, head explodes).

I’d like to add that ____________ (fundies, homophobes, bestiality fetishists, the French) are the lowest forms of life (on the planet, to walk on two feet, in the known universe, next to Ted Kennedy). _____________ (IANAL, YMMV, IMHO, ROTFLMAO).

When come back, __________ (bring pie, bring hookers, bring chicken wings, bring your IQ).

___________ (Cheers, Respectfully, Yours in Debauchery, With Great Malice),
THespos

17

Dear ________ (Sir, Madam, Mr. and Mrs. America, Demon Who Possessed My Dog and Caused My Chronic Flatulent Attacks) -

We are pleased to inform you that _____________ (your post, your letter to the Penthouse Forum, your face, the aroma emanating from your armpits) has been approved by our Board of Directors. Accordingly, it will be ___________ (published in our next issue, urinated upon by adorable puppies, passed along to the FBI, used as toilet paper by a diseased yak). We are prepared to offer you ___________ (five hundred dollars in small, unmarked bills, two coat hangers and a half-empty bottle of cough syrup, one hundred and twenty three Venusian weasel-bird feathers, a tortilla containing an image of the Blessed Virgin of Guadalupe) in compensation.

Please respond to this post via ___________ (return mail, enchanted owl, smoke signals, parchment inscribed in letters of your own blood) at your earliest convenience so that we may ____________ (arrange for payment, skip the country, describe to you in excruciating detail our collection of celebrity ear wax, sacrifice you as a burnt offering to the Elder Gods of Darkness).

I look forward to ____________ (hearing from you, hearing about you, hearing that you had been arrested for mopery, tieing you down and dripping candle wax on your ripe, throbbing nipples, appearing at your parole hearing).
____________ (Regards, Sincerely, Love and kisses, Love and Sodomy, Just Sodomy, Just Love, Take Me Now You Pulsating Specimen of Manhood and Teach Me How to Be a Real Woman),
Shodan

18

Mad Libs (well, kinda)! I used to love these. We always used them to find out which of us in elementary school knew the most/best swear words.

In March, ______ (adj) President Bush sent ______ (plural noun) over to Iraq to ______ (verb) Saddam Hussein. The _____ (plural noun) thought this was a good idea. But a lot of ____ (adj) _____ (plural noun) didn’t.

You get the idea…