Profound personal pet peeve: Patronizing people

Ignore the alliteration :wink:

Anyway, what’s driving me completely nuts is people having an “informed” opinion on who I am and consequently who I am supposed to like.

Last thursday at 4 am or so, when I came back from a party, I foolishly decided to call up some people over in the USA. Due to the time difference, it was merely 9 pm there, a perfect time for a little small talk (does this expression even exist in English?).
Unfortunately I was so drunk that I brought up old shite and found myself in a sort of an argument. Without going into details, it boiled down to this:

My friend lectured me that I was like this and like that and hence I should not be interested in so-and-so.

Who the hell do these people think they are?
They simply don’t know me. Maybe they have a vague idea, based on a first impression, past behaviour and some guesses, but the big picture? Oh, please, even I don’t grasp all the facets about myself, why should anybody else, not to mention someone who spent a couple of days with me, tops? It’s an arrogant assumption to begin with, but the condescending and patronizing conclusion is even more aggravating.

I have all the right to choose on my own who I want to be with and if it doesn’t work out: Tough luck, that’s life. But don’t go there to suggest that I should not even try, just because it doesn’t fit in with your perception of how I should be living my life.

Ok, I am done now.

They’re close enough friends that you do a drunken middle-of-the-night/way-too-early-in-the-morning trans-atlantic phone call but they have no insight into you as a person?

Not hardly.

If you don’t want lectures, don’t call people while drunk and drag up old shite.

That is on the mark. In fact, the suggestion about this particular problem in another thread was installing a breathalizer (or something similar, I don’t recall what it was called) on my phone, which shuts it down if the breath reveals alcohol.

Ignoring that it was stupid to call and quite inconsiderate of me to bring up stuff long past, the OP still stands though: Even when I am sober some people like to tell me that this woman or another just isn’t right for me. I can accept that, if it is voiced as a mere opinion, but if it has that “I know better what’s good for you” tone, it’s driving me nuts.
On a side note, my best friend on the other hand, who is one of the few people who could claim to know me well enough to make such judgement, never did.

Off to The Pit.


Cajun Man ~ SDMB Moderator

It’s okay, optihut honey. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.

If one person tells you your pants are unzipped, you can ignore him. If a second person mentions it, you ought to think about checking into it. If 3 or more tell you, you’d better be ready to consider that they may recognize something you don’t.

And if your best friend never brings it up, you may be choosing your best friend on the basis of them telling you what you want to hear.

Just food for thought. Take what you want to use and leave the rest.

Sometimes you can be too emersed in the “issues” to have an objective perspective.

You sound like you’ve got some stuff going on in your life. Maybe the people you called are tired of hearing about the drama and think you need their advice. They may be thinking, “Obviously Optihut is soliciting my opinion…Why else is he calling me at 9:00 PM?”

Have you made a lot of mistakes with women? Maybe this explains why people are being condescending towards you.

Hmmm, a zipper is something that can be verified easily. Personal taste on the other hand, that’s a difficult matter.

The thing about my best friend is, that our taste in women doesn’t match and he certainly doesn’t tell me what I want to hear: If he has got a different opinion, which is usually the case, he’s going to voice it. The difference is that he doesn’t try to tell me who to like. It’s more a matter of the choice of words, really.

I remember having a “discussion” with a self appointed friend about something similar.

He lectured me that there are always three of you. The you people think you are, the you you think you are, and the you you really are.

His point was valid, tho done in an arrogant, haughty way. I informed him that I agreed in principle, but that I’m so much closer to the truth about me than he ever will be, so fuck off and die, already.

Needless to say, he saw fit to end his self appointed commission as my friend.

But, sometimes, an informed outside viewpoint from someone who cares is a good thing to have. Might open your eyes from time to time.

Yeah, agreed. They might even be right in this particular case, but that is beside the point. In this case as in every other case, it’s just my taste. I refuse to change, just because people indirectly tell me to, while claiming at the same time that I should “just be myself”.