Projectile functions?

OK, this will probably get quite disgusting before I am through, so read on at yer own risk.
I had a bout with a nasty stomach virus a couple weeks ago, and this has been on my mind since then…exactly how far does one need to vomit before s/he is considered a projectile vomiter? Does one who experiences this phenomenon experience it all the time or only sometimes? How far away is it possible for you to reach?

Also, (reaching for a new low here) has anyone ever experienced projectile… defecating? When I had this virus, I was forced to use a public restroom, and (without sordid details here) I think I may have experienced this. Anybody with a similar experience?

If you’ve ever seen a 9 month old vomit, you’d be suprised how far it can go. My cousin Kyle, at 9 months, shot about 6’ in a resturant. No reaction from him, just sitting in his high-chair, looked up, puked, and laughed. I thought it was pretty funny myself, but my family is sick like that.

Projectile defication? I’ve had a gas charge behind it, but I’m generally in a seated position when doing that, so its only projected into a small body of water. Can’t say I’d ever want to be there when Mr. Hanky goes flying across the room.


I can think of no more stirring symbol of man’s humanity to man than a fire engine - Kurt Vonnegut

I found out about this phenomenon a few years ago at a baseball game with my beautiful daughter, who was about 6 then. We’d gone for bat night, had ice cream and sodas, and about the 7th inning of a great game, she cut loose. Mind you, there was no one sitting to her left, and she could have hurled down at her feet or toward me. Instead, she unloaded directly on the back of the guy in front of her. Absolutely covered his back. I made very quick apologies and a hasty exit.

Last time with the flu, I had both ends spouting simultaneously. Makes for a spectacular mess.

Well, I guess I will get into the sordid details, because I am the only one I have ever heard of that this has happened to. Granted, this isn’t the usual topic of conversation 'round the water cooler, but…thanks to the anonymity of the internet, I will share my story.

I had ungodly, horrible diarrhea (far and away the worst I have ever had). It hit me when I was at a bar. I felt some coming on, had to dash for the bathroom, I get in there and both stalls are taken. As I am contemplating the repercussions of using the urinal or sink, one of the stalls frees up. Mind you, I am ready to EXPLODE. I get in the stall, do the “unbutton/unbuckle dance” thinking I am going to soil myself (how to explain that to my date?? “Sorry, baby I like you and all…but we gotta go…I just shit my pants!”)…but I digress. I get my belt/pants undone, but before I can sit down, the inevitable takes place. So, I am standing up, it starts flying. Literally. I covered the back wall of the stall, a good 4 to 5 feet away.
Those of you who think I am in serious need of seeing a gastroenterologist, please raise yer hands.

On the subject of projectile defecation…
Hot Curry :open_mouth:
WARNING! This is really gross. Don’t click if you’re easily offended.

I am Chaos, I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.

I live to tell this story:

I woke up in the middle of the night with what must have been food poisoning. Barely and weakly making it to the toilet, my posterior was (thankfully) over the bowl when my body let go. The sensation, at least, can only be described as projectile.

After a few minutes, my stomach decided to get in on the act. I didn’t want to turn around because of what I would face in the toilet, and because I wasn’t sure my body was finished at the other end. Instead, I aimed at the tub and hit it squarely with the contents of my gut. It was two exits, no waiting.

After spending a several minutes doing the rear-end equivalent of dry-heaving, in addition to the normal kind, I cleaned up and collapsed on the floor for half an hour. On an heroic closing note, I worked up the strength to clean the tub before going back to bed, because I knew that, no matter how bad it would be then, it would be worse trying to clean it up dry the next morning before showering for work (which I had no problem going to; I felt fine afterwards).

I’m of the opinion a hypothetical question posed in an effort to extract personal anecdotes relating to bodily functions does not belong in General Questions.
Please feel free to let fly in MPSIMS.

GQ Mod