I was going through old threads today, and I came across one about a guy who walked in on his stepdaughter giving her boyfriend a blow job (she was thirteen). A lot of dopers said it was important to teach her that giving blow jobs to lots of guys is degrading, one doper said she found out that a friend of hers in eighth grade was giving blow jobs to lots of guys on the football team and didn’t respect her, etc. Obviously things are different since we’re talking about a 13 year old here, but do you guys think this changes for older people?
I mean, any activity that is participated in with full consent of all parties is fine…is it necessarily degrading, though?
No. It’s only degrading if the participants look at as such. Rather like rape; the difference between rape and rough sex is that the recipient of the latter consents to and wants it. In the same way, something is only degrading if it makes you feel degraded.
Personally, I find the whole premise insulting. It seems based on the idea that either men are all disgusting scum who corrupt women with their touch, or that female sexual desire is innately degrading, or both.
Yeah, I didn’t think so either. I think a lot of those people seemed to be emphasizing that girls in high school giving guys lots of blow jobs without getting anything in return is demeaning, but then again, lots of girls (and guys) like giving blow jobs, so I don’t think that’s in and of itself bad. I went through a phase where I was doing a lot of that to random guys, and a lot of my friends questioned my motives, wondering what I was getting out of it…so I guess that attitude is still around.
Of course it’s not necessarily damaging to women, but the girl in the OP is hardly a woman. I think the feeling is that there are so many high school girls with low self esteem and so many inexperienced, cocky boys with no plan to reciprocate that the chance of a sexual experience being satisfying for the girl in question is slim (I know, I know, I’ll soon be told of countless Dopers’ happy teen sexcapades).
I do think it changes as a woman ages (in part because she has more chances to screw out of her social circle), but I’m not sure much has changed in general. Have a female friend announce she did the whole football team and a male friend announce he screwed every cheerleader in his school. I’m pretty sure most people’s reactions to both would still be quite different.
Not too many years ago the question of my niece’s sexual activity or lack thereof somehow came up in conversation and I said then that I was fine with her screwing the brains out of every guy on the football team, if she was doing it for her own reasons and pleasure and not to be accepted, liked, or in response to intimidation or something.
Humans are…diverse creatures. For the “normal” (by which i mean average) human male or female, massive promiscuity is probably a sign of trouble in a mental health sense: Low self esteem, depression, self destructive behavior, etc etc etc. My feeling is that the real answer to “do you actually want to be doing this” would be “no.” I’d be very worried if I saw it in a teenage child of mine, or a like aged friend.
If someone past 20ish wants to claim that they’re an exception, however, and said person isn’t showing obvious ill effects (basically something from the DSM or self reported displeasure with their own behavior), I’m happy to believe them. I’m not especially likely to date them, of course, but I doubt that will come as too great a disappointment :).
This could easily turn into a discussion of sexual fetishes. a fair chunk of BDSM involves treatment that is degrading in every sense (degrading but consensual, which is huge). Like promiscuity, it walks the line between “wrong/potentially unhealthy for most people” and “wonderful for some people.” That’s probably why the best books on BDSM seem to talk so much about safeguarding mental health.
I was talking to a reformed alcoholic friend of mine and mentioned I used to drink a lot (college) so why wasn’t I an alcoholic? He said the important difference was not how much you drank but why you drank. I think that applies here too. If the woman is screwing for her own pleasure then I see no problems. If she is screwing for some other reason (low self esteem and such) then I think she may have issues she needs to resolve.
As noted above, some people just like fucking and more power to them. Personally I am all for all women being of this ilk.
I had similar thoughts. It’s not that the behavior is necessarily damaging in itself, but under certain circumstances, it may well be a symptom that some sort of damage is present.
I was part of the sexual revolution of the 1960’s. “Free love” always meant that guys got what they wanted when they wanted it…we chicks lay down when they wanted. What did we want? Who cared? (We girls/women discussed it. It was always up to us to take care of birth control (relatively primitive back then) and sexually transmitted disease control.) And it was harder for a woman to find respect in a job back then, because if she thought for herself, and told a company’s personnel she was a liberated woman, it was assumed: “liberated” not only meant liberated in an educated or attitude, but the “if she’s liberated, she’ll go down on me” mindset in the (mostly male) management of those times.
I’m not arguing the selfish gene theory…that is, that women want to have as many babies as possible to spread their genes, and that men want to have sex with as many women as possible to spread their genes.
I’m saying, as a woman & the mom of two girls, that it’s important for a girl to keep herself for one man who’ll treasure her as the person she is, & will let her treasure him as well. I’ve two daughters who treasure their husbands thus.
Look, I know freedom of choice, yada yada, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s impossible for a high school girl to screw the entire football team simply for her own enjoyment. IMHO, It’s always a little suspect when women just want to please men and get nothing in return. Yeah, sometimes it’s better to give than receive… but not when the ratio becomes ridiculous.
I think a lot depends one why the girl is being promiscuous. If it’s due to self esteem, then, yeah, it’s probably not healthy behavior. If it’s because she just likes to fuck, more power to her. Considering the social pressures, I admire a girl who can embrace her inner slut.
My teen sexcapades were, in fact, overwhelmingly positive. That’s because I was lucky enough to really, really like both sex and ME. I have a seventeen year old daughter who I don’t worry about for the same reason. I’m sure she’s having sex, and I’m equally sure it’s on her terms.
It’s all about the ‘why’, and of course the girl’s age makes a difference. I indulge in plenty of sexual behavior that I would not reccomend to a 13 year old. I’ve never met a 13 year old with an insatiable desire for cock, but I’ve known plenty with an insatiable desire for attention.
Sex for it’s own sake is not degrading. Sex as a bartering tool is.
