Thanks for your thoughts. Someone mentioned that flat out asking is rude, or I’d say, kinda presumptuous. You see, there could be good reason they could not extend the invitation to our children because it gets political.
It does put the host on the spot because the underlying reason is mostlikely because they had to draw the line somewhere (or they forgot). When you start opening the door to 2nd cousins (or 1st cousins once removed?, etc.) it runs into mucho $$$!!! And, if our kids come, then why couldn’t Cousins Billy, Bubbah, and Billy-Bob come, too? And so on, and so forth…thus, it does present a delicate situation for all.
This happened to me with a very close friend. The invite was addressed to myself and my wife. As this is a close friend and we have spent family time together I thought perhaps the kids were invited as well. So I asked…I embarrassed my friend and he is the type of fellow that feels the need to explain his thought processes in detail it was a uncomfortable conversation and in the end I was embarrassed that I asked. Did it hurt our friendship - nope, did we go - yep, did they come to my son’s Bar Mitzvah without their kids - yep; will we go to their daughter #2’s event in the fall - yep. So in the end asking shouldn’t hurt the relationship - just be prepared for the answer. As many have said - if your kids names are not on the invite they are probably not invited.
Here is how we thought about it - There are our immediate family both sides, there are our close friends and coworkers (no kids unless they are our friends through the kids - in other words they would have been on our sons list of invites); then there is the extend family (sound like you may fall into this category) - for these the cousins with the small kids we invited - they didn’t come (saved us at least $50 per head) for travel reasons and finally then there are the people you have to invite because your folks have been to all their kids and grandkids Bar or Bat Mitzvahs - the reciprocal crowd.
The “boy who is now a man” had his crowd to invite and we let him invite whomever with some more scatter in…A question is are your kids of the age and personality that they would be able to party with the teenagers…real little kids have fun just dancing, olders kids get bored quick, and the teens who don’t know anyone want to disappear. We had a cousin with a son a year older then the main crowd who came - we put the first cousin once removed (or whatever) at the head kid table… about 20 minutes into the party he migrated over and hung out with his parents. Didn’t know the honor boy well, the man-child was busy parting with his friends to attend to a cousin he has met twice etc. So would your kids have fun at the event or would they rattle around.
Can you place the kids somewhere and have a day or two of alone time If the destination is cool you could go for a visit, swim in the hotel pool etc. The kids are more then likely welcome to the religious portion of the event as they are typically open services. Then you could have your kids babysat while you attend the reception. Or you could all go for the service and not attend the reception. I can tell you from my perspective I wanted people seeing my son deliver the service in Hebrew and then discuss his Torah portion in context to current world events - that was what we were proud of…not his abilities to do the electric slide.
But the OP was edict … I think the best edict is to believe that the invitation is correct. They went through pains to get them right (although the one to my sister was sent to the wrong address :smack: ). If you can’t attend make sure to write a little note to let them know you wish them well.
If the destination is cool you could go for a visit, swim in the hotel pool etc. The kids are more then likely welcome to the religious portion of the event as they are typically open services. Then you could have your kids babysat while you attend the reception. Or you could all go for the service and not attend the reception. I can tell you from my perspective I wanted people seeing my son deliver the service in Hebrew and then discuss his Torah portion in context to current world events - that was what we were proud of…not his abilities to do the electric slide.