My wife bought a bag of apples from the local supermarket. In large letters, the bag declared “Gala apples! Sweet & Juicy! Eats like a dream!”
“Eats like a dream” ???
You mean, I need to eat the apple while walking through an office building in my underwear, or while driving down the road with a circus clown in the passenger seat, or some other suitably surreal situation? Dammit, I just wanted a piece of fruit to put in my lunch!
Going back a few years:
“Delta gets you there”.
That’s pretty much the minimum I’d expect from an airline.
Once I saw a supermarket ad for LONG GREEN cucumbers. With illustration.
I wanted the shorty pink ones, dammit.
It’s some sort of product that relieves gas, don’t remember the name. It’s one of those commercials where they make it look like they’re conducting live interviews on the street and recording honest-to-gosh reactions from typical people. One woman says something like “I just don’t have time for gassy buildup.”
What, you mean you allowed gassy buildup to be in your schedule BEFORE, then decided you didn’t have time for it LATER? “Hmmm, I believe I’ll have my gassy buildup at 1:00, right after lunch… oh wait, I’m scheduled to go the quilting bee at that time, and then I’ve got the PTA meeting… oh dear God, when will I ever have time for gassy buildup?”
To be fair, though, the supermarket may have been advertising so-called English cucumbers, which do tend to be longer and greener than the more common types of cucumbers.
Ah, so if I take this pill, I get rid of that itch, but the side effects include exploding bowels, blood spurting out my eyes, and my head bursting into flame? :dubious:Sign me up!
“Good to the last drop.”
But the last drop is deadly poison.
“Barqs, Good since 1889.”
Before that it tasted horrible.
[QUOTE=furryman]
“Barqs, Good since 1889.”
Before that it tasted horrible.
[/QUOTE]
“And we admit that A&W tastes better”
To be even more fair, there are other types of cucumbers.
“We’re American Airlines, doing what we do best.”
Crashing and burning.
There’s a television ad for something (educational, maybe) that starts out with the line “Children are like sponges.”
The very first time I saw that commercial, my immediate response was “Soggy and full of germs?”
“Switching to GEICO could save you fifteen percent or more on your insurance! You know, just like switching to any insurance company. Heck, just calling up your current insurance company and saying ‘Captain America would beat Batman in a fistfight’ could save you fifteen percent or more on your insurance. It’s a bit stupid, innit?”
Tee hee. I think that any time I see a “Since” motto. 
Ivory Soap is 99.44% pure. Thing is, the remaining 0.56% is smegma and salmonella.
“LINZESS can cause serious side effects, including diarrhea, the most common side effect, which can sometimes be severe.”
Everybody! Stay away from Lynn!
The Prolia commercial with Blythe Danner (for osteoporosis) has some stupid wordplay regarding taking a break versus getting a break. The line’s so lame I don’t know how Danner could say it. :rolleyes: Bonus points for the side effect of bone breakage. For an osteoporosis med.
For anything that’s “New and improved!”:
You know that crap we’ve been telling you to buy for the last 30 years? Well, forget it! It really sucks!
Any commercial which emphasizes free downloading: “Sure, the download may be free, but what’s the charge for actually using it?”
Wizards of the Coast really overdid this when they went for 4th edition- they knocked their ow 3.5 edition endlessly. They then found out 4th ed was unpopular, and quickly started selling re-imaged 3.5 products- the ‘stupid crap’ they had just been telling people was outdated and bad.
anything that can help something.
digging a bullet out of your ass with a coke spoon can help, but there are better ways of doing it.