Psychotic mother rant....sorry long

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I got an email from my sister-in-law. She and my brother have been married several years and when he (my brother) retired from the USAF (a couple years ago), they moved to Spain. It was always my brother’s dream to do that. Yay for him! Oh, yeh, so I got an email saying that my brother was in town, here’s how to get in touch with him he wants to see you while he’s there.

Since I haven’t seen my brother in a few years, I emailed him and let him know I would love to get together. He replied with a very strange email, saying that his daughter (my niece) said that I should have our mother’s phone number and that he wanted to get that from me if at all possible. :confused:

At this point, I should mention that I don’t have a relationship with my mother at all. No, that sounds like I might even care if she were alive – I don’t. To borrow a lovely Southern turn of the phrase, I wouldn’t piss up that woman’s ass if her guts were on fire. I mean that in the worst way possible. Now, that is not to say I hate her, it just means that I could care less if she lived or died. Just to give a bit of background to let you know why I feel this way – follows are some of the lesser evils she bestowed upon me:
[ul]
[li]I am blind in my right eye because she punched me and punctured my eye with her engagement ring when I was in 6th grade[/li][li]I was sexually molested from the time I was 3 until I was 6 by one of her buddies who she would get to “babysit” me so she could sleep around on her husband, my Dad.[/li][li]As a teenager, I was told constantly how fat I was (I wore a size 4/6) and that I was worthless and stupid and would never be anything – I was bulimic and anorexic all through high school[/li][li]When she found out I was pregnant with my daughter, she told me “you should just get an abortion, you would make a horrible mother!”[/li][li]When she found out that my sister (who looks nothing like me) was doing porn**, she called me yelling and screaming that I was psychotic and needed to be institutionalised for pretending to be my sister and “trying to ruin her good reputation”[/li][/ul]

At any rate – when I spoke with my brother on the phone last night, I pointed out that I had no idea why or how his daughter might have gotten it in her head that I would know how to get into contact with our mother. He told me a very interesting story – apparently, his daughter ran into a woman at the local hospital who purported to be our mother and they began talking. The woman, let’s call her J*, has been talking to my niece over the phone and telling her that she (J) and I have been – not only in contact – but very close. She claims that she talks to me and sees me regularly.

Based on what I know about my mother, I am willing to bet it is her and that she is trying to get information from my niece (with whom I haven’t spoken in a couple years…have I mentioned that I am not very social??) about me and my whereabouts. I guess the woman feels that she needs to unload more of her psychotic bullshit on me? I don’t know.

Of course, my husband, who knows a lot of what happened, asked if we need to be worried about her showing up at our door unexpectedly. I hope not, but now I wonder. I mean, if she would create this fantasy world that she has been telling my niece about – who knows just how crazy she is now? I actually haven’t spoken to her since the porno-sister-phonecall. Would you?

My kids know that my mother is mentally incompetent and are fine with not knowing her – they tend to trust my judgement on matters like this (did I mention I would make a horrible mother?) but should I prep them? Should I warn them (especially now that summer is on and they will be home alone) to just call the cops if a strange old woman shows up? Honestly, I don’t think she could find me if she had a private investigator (did I mention I live about 30 miles past BFE?) but still.

I know that my brother will be trying to get in contact with her while he is in town, and I will be briefing him tonight (he will be coming out for dinner) on the fact that I will personally come to Spain to remove his nards if he breathes a word to the woman about where I am. I have let go of the past and moved on, but now I am worried about the future. I do not want to deal with this woman. It will lead to police intervention if she shows up and I just don’t want or need that shit in my life.

**for those interested – my sister looks like a girl-next-door version of Pamela Anderson, I have posted my pics before, but if you don’t want to search, I have always been compared to Vivien Leigh or Molly Ringwald.

2

If you don’t mind my asking, how old are the kids? I only ask because if they are really young, it might scare them. But I do think SOMETHING should be said. Who knows what crazy people are capable of, know what I mean?

3

Yikes! How old are your kids? Assuming they’re old enough to be left alone (which it sounds like) I would totally give them a heads up. I’m not sure that you need to go into a bunch of details but you could certainly tell them that she may show up, mentally she’s unwell, and if she turns up, to call you right away. (Or your husband or the police or whomever you feel is the best bet.)

4

My daughter is 14, son is 7. They both know the rules of being home alone:

  • no one – even relatives – comes in, unless I or my husband have prior knowledge and approval
  • certain people showing up = automatic police phone call (long story short, my BIL has an order against him that states he cannot be on the property at all – it’s not really anything to do with us, but is the case nonetheless)
  • call immediately if anything unusual goes on
  • either both are inside or outside together, neither is ever alone in or out
  • a few other things, basic common-sense stuff, really

I know that my daughter has a good enough head on her shoulders to just call the cops if anyone showed up and acted weird, but I wonder if I should just make it a point of saying “if any old women you don’t recognise show up, just call the cops. Don’t open the door, don’t even acknowledge the door.”

It may sound extreme, but we are talking about a woman who does not live in the same reality that we do. I tend to be really overprotective sometimes, so I guess I want a reality check – would this sitch warrant extra precautions for anyone else?

5

We have girls your kids age. The rule we have is that if the doorbell rings or someone knocks, do not even go to the door. I do not even want someone seeing that there are two kids in the house. Period.

6

Yes.

We’re talking about a woman who blinded you in one eye when you were the same age as your daughter. OF COURSE extra precautions are called for! It sucks that you’re in this situation - I have a wacky mother myself (although slightly less kooky than yours - or kooky in different ways maybe) so I get it. I certainly think making your children aware of the situation is the best thing to do. Don’t alarm them, just be honest that crazy granny may come by and if she does, call the police as she’s not a well person. Depending on where you live, perhaps you could contact the police or the courts and have a preemptive order written up (if they can do such a thing) just in case?

7

The kids definitely need to know - and you’re plan of call the cops works for me. That’s what I would do if I were in your position.

To answer your second question, yes, it would certainly warrant extra precautions!!

8

Thanks everyone. What makes this so bizarre is that I seem to be the only one who has been privvy to my mother’s psychosis. Both of my brothers and my sister, while allowing that she was a shitty mother, made it through completely unscathed. When I told my brother of some of the reasons I feel the way I do about her, he was shocked. He honestly did not know. To his credit, he is 6 years older, so was not around much during the roughest years.

I will be covering the new rules of calling the police if strangers show up. Luckily, my husband being National Guard, we know a few cops (a lot of cops are also in the Guard), so I will touch base with some of them to see how best to handle it. As for a pre-emptive order, I don’t want to do that, since it would require contact with her at the court to have it set.

9

Ugh. There are questions I’d ask you, but I wouldn’t want you to answer them on a public message board. Like, do you live in a small enough town where you could lay this out to local law enforcement so they are aware ahead of time that trouble may be coming to town? (Having Andy Griffith on your side can be a Big Plus when/if shit hits the fan) Is it possible to get a restraining order in your state w/o notifying the subject of that order of exactly where you live? Are there stalking laws in your state and have you researched their limits thoroughly? Is she a credible threat to the health or welfare of either you, your spouse, or your kids? Could she try to ‘take’ your kids?

On a medieval note, how strong are the doors & widows to the house where you live (ie how much time would her attempting to smash through them buy your kids to get someplace safe)? Does your house have a bathroom with a strong enough door to keep Psycho-Mom out long enough for them to cellphone for help, allowing for normal police response time? Do you have an alarm system or would you ever consider one? What are the legal limits that are allowed to you, where you live, to defend yourself, your house, your spouse, your kids against intruders? (you want to know this backwards & forwards)

I’d consider all of the above carefully and discuss with your spouse (and possibly a legal advisor) a sound plan of action. I’d practice with the kids ‘Stranger Alerts’ where they are to lock all the doors and get to a safe room with a cellphone w/i a certain number of minutes. I’d make sure the schools your kids attend know about this, so Psycho-Mom isn’t allowed to ‘pick them up’. (same for any summer camps/Dojos/Scout Packs/etc)

Maybe I’m over reacting; maybe she doesn’t have ‘Love’ and ‘Hate’ tattooed on her knuckles. But given that she’s already put your eye out, do you Really want to give her the benefit of the doubt…?

(((Best wishes for the safety of Litorus, Litorus-Spouse, and Litorus Kids))))

10

We do live in a very rural area, so we are covered by County, not local police. Like I said, we know a few cops and will ask them the best way to deal with the sitch. At one point, a county deputy had to come out to the house and mentioned that he was sympathetic to my husband being in the Guard and if I ever wanted him to do extra patrols while my husband was out of town, to call and ask for him personally. I might just do that and let him know the sitch and go from there. In this area, you cannot have a restraining order without having to face the other party in court. I only know this due to a friend going through a really messy divorce. There are stalking laws, but they require you to show that the person is actually stalking you. At this point, she still doesn’t know where I live (at least to my knowledge). Credible threat? Probably not. I think the woman is nearing (if not already in) her 60’s, but it’s more the emotional/mental shit.

As for the rest of your questions – the house is pretty secure, but I honestly don’t think she would try to break in to get at my kids. Like I said previously, it seems to be something with me in particular that sets her off. I appreciate the good thoughts, I think things should be fine and I will most definitely be covering the issues with the kids and if need be the local police.

11

Gosh, you’ve been through some real hell. Sorry to hear it. Glad you survived!

I don’t know what to say about the situation. But, as you know, there’s a million smart people in here and I’d bet they’ll come up with good answers. Hmm. Maybe you should find out if this woman is in fact your mother before you get too upset. That’s about all I can think of. Good luck!!

12

Heh, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? I could knock out Superman with my pinky, ya know? Seriously, though, I may have had some crap in my life, but I personally know people who had much worse. We do what we have to do to survive. It’s my opinion that there are victims and survivors. Victims spend their lives on a cross bemoaning their miserable luck, survivors recognise that life can suck and move on with it. I choose to see myself as a survivor :smiley:

The scariest part of this is the idea that this random woman might not, in fact, be our mother. That there is some random psychopath out there who has fixated on my niece and knows enough about me to convince my niece that she and I have a relationship.

13

Can either you or your brother show your niece a pic of your mom to confirm whether it was really her she met?

14

My niece is old enough that she should have vague memories of our mother. The problem is that the only pictures any of us have of her are at least 20 years old, I don’t know how helpful that would be, considering. I hadn’t thought about that, but I will mention it to my brother tonight.

I don’t know the whole story yet, and am dying to get details. I will update if any of what I have said is incorrect or if there is more to the story than I have yet. to be sure, I don’t know how my niece could be carrying on her own conversations with this woman and not have the phone number to give to my brother directly. It is still just a very strange sitch. We will see. :dubious:

15

Just as I’m sure you honestly didn’t think she’d blind you.

Be careful and live well.

16

Do so. It may be enough to rule out the possibility directly.

17

Litoris, Did your mother face any legal consequences after damaging your eye?

18

Litoris, as another person with a psychotic mother, you have my deepest sympathies. It sounds like you and your husband have done everything possible to protect your family. Kudos for that!

Its funny that normal people expect logic from a someone who is clearly insane. :smiley: In our family, my mother abused me, but left my brother alone. I have no idea why.

19

When I was 14, my brothers were 8 and 6. I wouldn’t even go to the door unless I knew beforehand who it was. Those neighbors who ring like the world has caught fire? They could ring’a’ding till their finger fell off, unless they said “hey, it’s XYZ” and I recognized the voice, I didn’t even go to the door. It wasn’t even that I was expecting any kind of attack, but anybody we didn’t know was likely to be beggars or evangelists, neither of which I wanted to speak with (Dad loved letting the evangelists in, he liked arguing).

We had the advantage of living in a flat, where people can’t see your shadow in the window as easily as in a house.

I absolutely do not think you’re overreacting at all.

20

Litoris, I don’t know how old your Mom is, but sometimes people can look very much the same for 20 years. It’s even more so for adults. The only difference between pics of my grandparents taken in their 50s and their 80s is wrinkles and that Grandpa shrunk a bit. Now that they’re in their 90s there’s been a change.