Trunk, you’re such an insensitive ass. Imagine, if you can muster a modicum of sympathy for anyone but your sorry ass, you’re sitting down to answer the call of nature. All of a sudden, you start losing your pubic hair in clumps. You’re so shocked, you stand up, spin and, whoosh, more pubic hair comes flying off your junk and lands on the rim. You’re so distressed that you’re barely coherent enough to pull up your pants and button them before fleeing the restroom in terror.
THAT’s what it’s like to have SPPHSS*. My uncle DIED from SPPHSS, you asshole.
*[sub] Spontaneous Public Pubic Hair Shedding Syndrome [/sub]
[sub]For those of you interested in this rare but devastating syndrome, please visit www.spphss.org. Any contribution you can make to the site will make a difference. Together, we can beat SPPHSS![/sub]
I thought this referred to late spring, when hot gay guys by the dozens start wearing their low-riding jeans and cropped T-shirts, revealing their faint-making tracery of treasure trails…
Okay, I’ll just stop. Damn, I miss hot weather sometimes.
See, and I thought it was going to be about the pool I go to - where overweight suburban housewives with a little too much hair and no idea of what the words “bikini wax” means (or that you can buy these “not terribly attractive, but better than seeing my backend” shorts that go over your swimsuit) take their children.
My friend wrote a hilarious piece about the stages of grieving and coming to grips about using public restrooms. I’ll e-mail him later and see if he’ll send it to me.
Im sorry Trunk. It was me. Sometimes I get this uncontrollable urge to practice pubic topiary. At least I don’t do it in full public view too often these days.
Cute straight madrileño boy: Ohhhh, you’re from Canada, and you’re in Madrid in July? You must be burning up! me: Actually, I just checked the weather, and it’s hotter in Montreal now than it is here. Actually, it’s hotter in Montreal now than in Kinshasa, too, so don’t feel bad.
Is anyone else thinking of the urban legend wherein the guy gets drunk, has a fight with his girlfriend, and passes out on the couch; she’s so mad at him that she opens his fly, dumps an entire bottle of Nair on his crotch, zips him back up and leaves the mess to stew all night; he wakes up the next day running so late for work that he doesn’t have time to shower, change his clothes or even pee; he just leaps off the couch, hightails it to work and suffers all morning till he can finally take a break to go to the bathroom and find out what that horrible itching sensation is?
Just me?
I mean, it is ONE explanation for random wads of pubic hair laying around the bathroom stall.
Perhaps the previous stall occupant was one who had unsuccessfully hit on the cute lady from the temp agency, and she told him that she’d go out with him if he shaved his nads, figuring he’d never do so, but so great was his ardor for the lass, so determined was he to win the heart of this femme fatale, that he bought a disposable razor at the Rite Aid and rendered himself much less hirsute in his nether regions. Can’t you just see Tom Hanks playing the role-a score by John Williams swelling as the credits roll… snif I get teary when touching parts like this come along… He Shaved His Nads For Love!
Pffft, if he was really in love he wouldn’t waste time buying a razor. He’d break the mirror and use the shards. You’re right though, there’s got to be a poem about that somewhere.