Your treasured items may not be so treasured by others. Really. Your collectibles, your table service, your great-grandmother’s lace doilies, whatever - bear in mind that items that are special to you may well be a burden to another.
Many years ago, I was given a pair of candlesticks that had belonged to my paternal grandmother. Nothing fancy, not particularly valuable, and something I’d never seen in her house, so apart from being told they’d belonged to her, they meant nothing to me. I confess to some guilty relief when they were broken during a move.
My other grandmother “invested” in Franklin Mint stuff - I have a vase that was hers (the set of 4 was divided among four of us grandkids) and I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. My daughter doesn’t want it - nor do any of my sibs. So unless one of my grandkids loves it, I’m stuck.
Just today, my husband gave me a tablecloth from his mom - a Christmas tablecloth. I barely decorate, we don’t entertain over the holidays, and now I have this to find space for. That’s on top of the things MIL has given my daughter, who lives in a very small house, so guess who has custody of those treasures for now?
Bottom line - if you, like I, have begun thinning your possessions, don’t just distribute them. Make sure they’re wanted. Don’t be a guilt burden on another generation! That’s what thrift stores exist for! Or maybe local theater troupes. Or garage sales…
Anybody want an incomplete set of Wedgewood China??
I agree with you! I have kept very few things that remind me of my mother and father. I am not a collector of much, and I hope when I go my son and granddaughters won’t feel obligated to keep my things out of guilt.
Right above my desk is a framed picture - a sailboat at anchor. It used to hang in my grandmother’s living room and I was so happy when none of my sibs wanted it because it’s always enchanted me. It means nothing to my daughter. I’ll tell my grandkids about it, in the hopes that one of them will cherish it. But in the end, I’ll be gone and no one else will care. It’s just a department store picture in a cracked frame.
I only keep things that I want, whether I bought them myself, someone gave them to me, or I inherited them. Some of the stuff is extremely quirky and is of little value on the open market. IOW, not worth selling.
When I die, I expect my wife, kids, and grandkids to pick out a few remembrances and the rest to go to goodwill or the dump. I’m perfectly okay with passing that burden onto them… it’s not a dump truck load. It’s the least they can do for me.
Aw, c’mon! That is part of the fun of being a parent/grand-parent. It gives us a chuckle to point to our attic and tell our kids - “When we croak, all this will be YOURS!”
Thankfully, the only antique I have, from my paternal grandmother, is a Singer treadle sewing machine. Both my grandkids play with the treadle the way I did decades ago. So I know it will stay in the family. In fact, I keep meaning to write about it and stick the paper in one of its drawers. I just wish I had a photo of it in their house, but one didn’t waste film and flashbulbs on such silliness.
Just remembered - old jewelry. Spare me having to deal with gaudy baubles!
Mrs. H has an aunt who is notorious for finding shit at yard sales and then giving it as “gifts” to people who are compelled by custom and manners to act grateful. One time she gave us a fake plant, which we threw into the back seat of our car. Hand to Og, it stayed there for four years. Every time I’d suggest to Mrs. H that we throw it away, she’d protest that “it was a gift!” Yet she also had no intention of bringing it inside the house and making use of it, either.
My husband built up an impressive machine shop, and he keeps telling our daughter that his will requires her to keep it intact and to use it. I do know she dreads having to deal with dismantling it one day. But that could well fall on me.
My god yes. My mother just passed in October. I’m 62 and my Wife and I are trying to get rid of stuff. My Wife, my brother and I have grabbed a few (very) items that are meaningful to us. Mostly art that my mom created.
My mom had said to send one set of china to a cousin 1200 miles away. I said I would. I called her. She really doesn’t want it. She was being nice. Have another set of china that my mom inherited from her sister. Gold rimed dishes (covers about a quarter of the plate) and gold plated flatware. It’s ugly as sin. Has to be hand washed for whatever reason. To hell with that.
I’ll ask everyone again to take a look, and then I have two words.
At least jewelry is small and can sit in the back of a drawer for a few decades.
My Dad is the same way with his impressive wood shop. He’d really like to just give the whole thing to one of us kids, and failing that give it to somebody who will put it to good use. None of us have the space (even if we had the desire) to take it. It’s worth too much to just throw away, but a big hassle to sell.
At some point we won’t be able to put it off anymore and will have to sell it ourselves or hire somebody to do an estate sale type thing.
That’s just what the people who cared about it thought. It doesn’t have to be hand washed if you don’t want to preserve it.
I have a box of silver flatware that was my grandmothers. I have no idea what to do with it. One of these days I’ll research if it has any value at all, even for the metal, and then I can either sell it, scrap it, or donate it. Nobody living has any sentimental attachment to it.
I also have a full set, with glass lids, of Guardian Service aluminum pans from the 50s and 60s. It has enough value to not scrap it, but not enough for me to get around to selling it.
When we were visiting my sister and her husband in Ohio we visited the Tiffin Glass Museum. They told us people were selling dinner sets given to them by elderly relatives due to no interest or room.
Where I live in Maine we go to several country auctions throughout the year and I always marvel at the detris of lives. People’s letters, photos, paintings, clothing, toys, furniture, dishes, everything that once surrounded people a hundred years ago is now being picked through with resale value in mind. When I do buy something it has to be useful or beautiful. Over the years I’ve picked up lamps, a chaise that I use everyday, a work desk, coffee tables, artwork, sewing machines. Once or twice a year we also take a load of things over to be sold off. I try not to hold on to ‘things’ unless they have deep sentimental value.
I’m not looking forward to dealing with my mom’s house some day, but I think she’s started to thin out her stuff now that she’s in her 80’s.
We were like that with my Dad’s pool table when we had to finally sell the house last year. It was the one thing I was dreading having to move, because it’s almost impossible to do properly yourself, and professionals are really expensive. Plus, I’m the only one in the family who would even consider taking it, and I don’t have the room for it, so we’d have to find someone to buy it, and the used market for pool tables is trash.
But as luck would have it, the only offer we got on the house included a condition that we had to let them keep the pool table. SOLD!!!
My mom turns 89 next month, and for the past few years, she’s been giving things away (OK, trying to foist stuff on her offspring) so that when she dies, it’ll be less for us to deal with. She inspired me to start considering my accumulated stuff. I’m glad my brother is her executor - I trust him, and while I’ll be available to do anything he asks, I’m pretty sure he won’t need much help. If I know my bro, he’s already got a list of Estate Sale professionals and he has a plan for refereeing any disputes among the 5 of us. For my part, it’s pretty much “Nope, don’t want anything.”
I will say I’m beyond relieved that one of my sisters took all of our grandmother’s Hummel figurines. Unfortunately, my daughter, niece, and nephew will have to deal with them when that sister dies (she has no children.)
Lol! That’s where I keep a box of my mom’s jewelry some of which was her moms and Gmoms too. Small fingers! I love the onyx rings in a filigree silver setting, barely fit my pinky, her class of 52 ring, a baby ring, along with an odd assortment of JFK, IKE and OES pins. Oddly a tiny obituary of a male classmate who died at 17 , once a crush?
Actually the box of treasures was picked up at the estate by my daughter and I put it away for safe keeping. She’ll never keep track of it.
I spoke with my mother-in-law about paring down here things in the basement of her home as we looked at thirty years worth of sewing magazines and patterns she hasn’t looked at in years and will never use. She’s not only got a housefull of lifetime accumulation, she’s got an outdoor “shed” absolutely cram packed with stuff. I say shed, but this thing is designed to hold vehicles including tractors, boats, and trucks and it’s pretty much full though you could add more junk if you organized it a bit better.
And I wasn’t so tactless as to be the one to broach the subject. My mother-in-law is in her 80s now, and it probably won’t be too long before she passes away and her three children are going to be responsible for deciding what to do with all that stuff. It’s going to be a mess. And here’s the thing, it’s not like she’s a hoarder. Her living areas aren’t overly cluttered, filthy, or a threat to anyone’s health. She just has a lot of stuff.
And I need to pare down my junk as well. I have a large collection of painted models, board games, books, painting supplies, etc., etc. One of these days I’m going to have to decide what to do with this. Is anyone going to want it when I die? Some of it, probably. But I don’t want to leave it up to my wife or another relative to have to figure that out on their own.
I’m the bad guy here.
I like junk.
Whether hunted and gathered by me or others.
I’m the local depository for “I don’t want it, Take it to Becky’s house”
No, no. I’m not a hoarder. I have stuff. Luckily I have places to store stuff and I’m very neat and tidy.
I’m aware others don’t like it.
Mid-daughter complains about my shelves and says, “I ain’t dusting that!”
My kids say when I kick the bucket there’s gonna be a hell of a bonfire so don’t think I went to hell if I revisit and haunt the house, soon after death.
I do know she dreads having to deal with dismantling it one day. But that could well fall on me.