Don’t worry about sweating–take a handkerchief, use an anti perspirant, wear a dark shirt. If you pass out, no problem, class dismissed! Crying and laughing you can mostly control. Throwing up? Turn away from the prof. The first prime minister of Canada, a notorious drinker, allegedly got up to counter a speech from his opponent and threw up on the front row of the audience. He apologized, then said, “but whenever I hear my opponent speak…” And was re-elected.
I almost want to induce vomiting now.
No, no, don’t force it, it looks contrived, just go with the flow.
I guarantee you the audience will be so fucking grateful that you didn’t give yet another friend or family speech that they will love you forever.
Where is your other thread? Sounds like a great topic.
DO NOT DO THIS. I hope I never have to do a speech eval for someone who pulls that tired lame crap because I’d have to trash 'em for it. It has no place in proper public speaking.
With regard to slowing down, I actually write “[pause]” into my speeches so it becomes part of the speech instead of something else I have to remember to do…
Other thread is right here Mountain Dew Speech: Yay or Nay
I’m not really aiming for excellence with this speech. I just want to make it out alive.
Okay then I guess I’ll leave out the “I’m terrified to be here” bit. Damnit.
Definitely do not do that!
For an example of why not, read about Gussie Fink-Nottle giving out the school prizes at Market Snodsbury Grammar School, while under the influence of a few shots to calm him down.
I can relate to you. I was petrified of public speaking and put it off until my last semester of college, in hopes that the requirements would change and I wouldn’t have to take it. I ended up taking it on a Sunday afternoon from 1-4 thinking that no one would sign up for it at that time. I was completely wrong. The class was packed with older nontraditional students.
Our first speech was similar to yours. Introductory type thing. Mine was about a trip I took to Latin America. It seemed all the other students talked about overcoming drug addiction, molestation, their abortions. It was horrible and I felt so stupid.
Anyway, I made it through the class and so will you. Remember that most of the others are as nervous as you. No one truly cares what you say anyway. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own heads.
If you truly have a phobia about this to the point it is disrupting your life, you could talk to your doctor. He could prescribe you a low dose of a benzo or a beta blocker. Either of these can take a way the physical feelings of anxiety. I would only recommend this if you are losing sleep over this situation and aren’t living life normally.
I have xanax. I am thinking of taking .5mg about 2 hours prior to class. Makes me really tired and wonky though.
Humor is extremely tough to weave into a presentation, because if a joke falls flat I start to get the nervous sweats. I do a fair amount of training and you can just never tell when an audience will be your friend or your enemy.
I personally do not advise memorizing a speech-- if you realize you missed a word, or skipped a sentence, then you get flustered and disorganized. It’s better if you know the material very well and you know ‘basically’ what you want to say and work through the topics in a more natural manner.
Easier said than done, I know.
The one thing that is absolutely true, though: the more you do it, the easier it is. The ability to speak confidently in front of a large group is hugely valuable so even though it’s painful now, I’d keep at it!
You wanted to help him. Remember that all of the people you’re talking to are really pulling for you and want you to do well. It’s true!
Except for the people who are completely ignoring you because they’re worried about their own speech.
Wow, very true.
One more hour and it is time.
I think I’m done panicking with all of the positive reinforcement and encouragement from this thread. Thank you all so much.
I was going to see your Wodehouse and raise it with a drunken lecture from Amis’s Lucky Jim, but alas could not find a link.
So how’d it go?
I scored 52 out of 60 points. Which I’m more than thrilled and actually surprised!
He offered critiques afterwards. He said that I had a very playful speech but it didn’t match my delivery.
I talked super slow and was completely inanimated. But hell I’m just glad the words made it out of my mouth.
Wasn’t that bad and I think I can take all of this and do better next time. Thanks guys for your support.
I think I can pass this class.
Congratulations! I’m not a teacher, but 52 out of 60 sounds very good to me. Next time you’ll be even better!
Sometimes speeches are like airplane landings: any one you can walk away from is a good one! Congratulations!
Wow I’m still in shock I made it out alive.
The stats for the class Speech 1
Top scorer was 55/60 and mean was 48 (would’ve rather seen the median). I’m feeling so ready for the next one.
Thanks again for the tips, everyone. You all seriously made my day 
ETA: The 60 pts grade is for the whole speech, not just the outline. 
Congratulations! Sounds like you are well on the way to relaxing about this process. Keep up the good work.
Thanks! I wish I could give everyone in this thread a beer.