Pucks, glue and swill - a vignette

So I’m taking a mental health day today. The sun is shining, the snow is rapidly melting, and I’m exhausted from the week’s events at work.

I dropped my wife at the airport early this morning for her biweekly trip to Fairbanks (lucky girl) and thought that I would treat myself to a helping of biscuits and gravy at a local cafe.

I pulled up in front of the place and noted that the name had changed, which probably means new ownership, but I figured the cook probably stuck around. The menu appeared to be pretty much the same, although the prices had gone up some, and B&G was still available. There were only two of us in the joint, and the waitress seemed to be more interested in talking to the guy at the counter than coming to take my order, but I finally caught her eye. She sauntered over with a coffee pot and mug, and I gave her my order before she could escape back to what was surely a scintillating discussion on the Socratic method.

I realized there was no milk on the table, so after futile attempts to get her attention from 15 feet away, I got up and walked over to her to ask for some. “Some what?” “Milk – you know, for the coffee?” I add some milk and sweetener and take a sip, and have an instant realization of what those poor soles who were required to drink Drano felt like.

So the food arrives, and I know it’s not going to be a taste treat. The biscuit is small and the gravy is just kind of sitting resentfully on top with a congealed look on its face. I cut into the biscuit, which has apparently been propping open a door somewhere, and slog it through the gravy and take a taste. The consistency was. . .interesting. Sort of a rubber cement mixed with Elmer’s glue kinda thing. Salt and pepper just made it saltier with black flecks in it. Ovbiously, this mess was just milk thickened with flour, since there was not even a hint of sausage in it.

I managed to gag down a bit of it, but gave up quickly. I guess I should have complained, but what good would it have done? So I took the passive-aggressive way out and left a tiny tip. The waitress was still discussing evolution versus creationism with the truck driver at the counter when I left.

On the bright side, the rest of this day can only be uphill.

I prefer this recipe
1 tbsp. Dijon mustard
1/4 c. balsamic vinegar
salt and pepper
3/4 to 1 c. olive oil

… what ?

20 years ago, the best place to get biscuits and gravy was at the Cattleman’s restaurant out on Tudor. The place has been gone for years, but they had the best breakfast’s in town: huge, fresh and a sausage gravy to kill for.

Awww Chef, I so feel for you!

One of my Favorite meals is a portion of B&G w/ a couple of over easy eggs…right on top.

My first 'gig" in the food service biz was as a breakfast cook at a small home-style cafe…we had, bar NONE, the best B&G available to humankind; Tender, flakey roll biscuts topped with white gravey FULL of whole hog sausage…mmmm, but then again i digress.

My heart feels for your culinary disaster.

BTW, what part of AK?..anywhere near the Iditarod Trail?

tsfr

We live in Anchorage, which, as the joke goes, is only about 30 miles from Alaska. I loves me some kick-ass B&G, and usually make it myself, although the Ms. won’t touch it. Sausage gravy, hamburger gravy, it’s all good. But most restaurants here haven’t got a clue. I know: I’ll fry up some ground and make some nachos. ::sings:: And then I won’t feeeeeel sooooo saaaaad."::

Hey, I’m planning on being up there in 2010 for the start of the I’rod…my 50th B’day present to myself :smiley: …we could plan cholesteralfest '10…I’m in Illinois so i could bring up a 1/2 of a corn fed hog…

tsfr

If you’re going to do that, go to both starts: the ceremonial start in Anchorage and the real start up in the valley. People from outside the state do volunteer to do dog handling, etc. every year, so you could contact them in advance and see what you can do. As a volunteer, you can actually get out onto the street with the dogs and mushers and work with them.

trust me Chef…(lobve calling you that as I wasone for years)…I know MORE bout the iditarod than 99.99% of us 48’ers…follow it every year on the Net…when i come up,i WILL be working…just haven’t decided who for yet…4 yrs away…but i WILL be there.

you follow the race?

daniel…aka tsfr

My wife follows it much more closely than I do. I’m only a chef in that I like to stir shit up.