Here, you can use my hanky.
You won’t want it back
Maybe Bozuit can use it for this.
I was feeling sorry for myself that I had no shoes,
until I met a man with no feet.
Damn Metric.
Hanky, shmanky, I’m not wearing a tank top today. That’s why good Lord Frith gave us sleeves.
Why is it ALWAYS the grossest responses that are posted around lunchtime?
It’s always lunchtime somewhere.
Once on a road trip in college, we drove way out of our way just to go here
So we could take our pictures next to this sign
On the way we discovered this store
Hey! Put some underwear on that squirrel. I’m tryin’ to eat lunch here.
I thought they stored nuts in their cheeks.
CKat, are those pecans on your salad?
I’m guessing walnuts…
I stayed at the Walnut Astoria once. It wasn’t as luxurious as I expected…kind of seedy, actually.
Did they have packages of Macamadamias in the mini-fridge?
The prosecutor steps forward to cross-examine the defendant: “According to the police report, the victim first received a blow to the side of the head…” (ickiness — )with the pick-end of the fire ax previously presented as exhibit four. At least twelve to fifteen additional blows were then delivered about the chest, neck and head. These were followed by some 40 to 60 strokes with the blade of the ax, leaving the victim’s body hacked, bloody and partially dismembered. The coroner has determined that the first blow was not immediately fatal, and the victim may have been pleading for mercy during the brutal assault." The prosecutor looks at the defendant.
The defendant looks nervously around the courtroom, at last fixing his gaze on the jury box, “I hadn’t had my coffee yet.”
The judge groans as prosecutor throws up his hands, the papers he was holding go flying. The gavel comes down so hard the disk bounces up and spins slowly to a rest. The judge turns to the defendant, ''Why did you not mention this earlier? I am fining you $7000 for contempt, for wasting the court’s valuable time. As to the question of murder, case dismissed."
Oooo, that was dark. 
This was well written and entertaining, but I do have one question: Decaf?
It’s not about a cow. It’s about a guy who didn’t get his coffee. Get with the program.
I’m just being silly
Does silly know that you’re imitating them? You could get into big trouble with that, even in Little China.
I have a bad attitude, but it seems to have earned me a peerage, because people keep calling me “Sir”. “Sir Lee”.
I know a guy with pee rage. He has an inflamed prostate and he get pissed off every time he tries to urinate.