Pushing a Door Open Is for Saps

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
121

Well, I don’t ride watermelons anymore Swampbear! Although it was pretty fun so I wish I still could. Back when I was seven or eight, my family and I were going to have some watermelon one evening and as he carried it out onto the lawn, my Grampy mentioned it was big enough to ride. Which meant of course, that we had to rig up a watermelon harness and pull me around the back yard whilst riding the watermelon. It was very unpredictable and tippy so I ended up in the pinks a couple of times.

See Lissla, perfectly normal. For my family at least.

122

I’m baack! No, not from Hood River, we haven’t left yet. I’m back in this thread.

Once more I want to thank everybody for the Birthday wishes. I’m not gonna name you all 'cause then I’d have to backtrack through the thread again and I’d probably get the posts all messed up and stuff, so thank you All.

Susan, I’m still not sure if you’re being sincere or pulling my leg. If yoy’re sincere, then thank you my Dear. If you’re being sarcastic, well, then good for you.

Why haven’t I gone away already? Well, the plan was that the wife would go to the real estate office this morning while I mowed the lawn and put out poison for the ground hornets, (or digger wasps they might be called. I dunno). When I say the plan, of course I mean her plan. My plan would have been to sleep in real late, and then get up and go.

Well, she got up and left for the office this morning, and I got up and mowed the lawn. Then I got the lawn spreader out to put the poison out, but it was all rusted up from being in the shed all winter, but it was rusted in the open position (what foresight on my part!) so I could kinda use it anyway. It’s still way better than the way we got rid of the hornets the first time, which indirectly, or directly, led to the GirlChild deciding to join the volunteer fire department. But more on that later. Then I spread the poison and watered it in like it said and watered all the flowers and plants too 'cause it’s real hot right now. Then I took a shower and got dressed and set out my clothes for the trip, and now I’m sitting here waiting for the wife and talking to you.

The wasps: When we first bought this house about 15 years ago, the front lawn was seriously infested with ground hornets. Wasp-like flyers that dig individual tunnels into the ground all over and fly around the yard all day harrassing people and trying to steal their lunch money and stuff. At night they climb back into their holes and sleep, or gloat, or something. Anyway, they’re in there.
We didn’t know what to do about them, so we called a friend of ours who was a pest and dryrot guy. No he wasn’t infested with pests and dryrot, he knew about them. He said to wait until they went into their holes at night and pour gasoline in on top of them. He also said that if we wanted to have some fun we could set fire to them, and he laughed, which I took to mean “Don’t do that!” So when I told wifey about it I said “we aren’t gonna do that, now are we?” So that night we armed ourselves with flashlights and old tupperware containers and some gasoline and went out to do battle. We got gas down all the holes after about an hour and I was out in the parking strip, between the sidewalk and the street, and wifey was on the porch, when the GirlChild, who was living with us at the time, came outside. You know how sometimes time seems to just stop…and then start back up again real fast like it’s trying to catch up? Well I was facing the street when I heard GirlChild saying something about “let’s see what happens” and I heard the SCRITCH of a safety match being struck.
Time stopped.
Rue’s life flashed before my eyes. (I’d already seen mine).
In that interminable instant, I thought of a lot of thing that could happen.
What did happen was that I heard a gigantic FWOOSH! and my world lit up.
I turned around and the entire yard, including the juniper bushes along the sidewalk, was on fire! That’s far to you Swampy. I hated those bushes anyway. I yelled to the wife to get the hose while I moved the truck, which was sitting in the driveway with a full tank of gas.
Fortunately dirt, even dirt saturated with gasoline, doesn’t burn very well, so a quick spray took care of that. Not so the juniper bushes though. They burn * real * good! but we had everything under control in a couple of minutes, when we realized there was a lot sirens going off, and coming our way. The volunteer fire depsartment’s fire station is only five block away, and they are very enthusiastic. They brought everything they had.
It was nice getting to meet all the firemen. We also got to meet all our neighbors that night. :rolleyes:

Well, she’s home. So we gotta go to Hood River now. See you all later.

123

Yes! The children were test-driving a camel! On their field trip to Morocco, we were considering the purchase of a Second Camel (the first being too small to accomodate our growing family). So, we galloped into Smilin’ Ali’s Camel Emporium to give one a go.

Or maybe they’re spending the summer doing a Project on Egypt at their daycamp and this was just the first in many exciting Things Egpyt to come!

(I was present for part of the camel’s visit. Claire informed me that he smelled. As I drew near to the camel-riding area, I didn’t need to whiff. The air was redolent with eau de camel.)

-Ellen. (now a two-camel mom)

124

I can’t believe no one else around here has ridden a watermelon. It’s a great part of our cultural heritage. Way back in the 1800s, watermelon were roaming free across the Great Plains of the US as far as the eye could see. An interestingly far-sighted man (named George “Watermelon” Davis) decided to hire some folks (to be known in the future as waterboys) to start rounding them up to sell on the open market. Strangely enough, this idea spread quickly, and within just a few short years, the wild watermelon was a rare sight indeed. By the early 1900s, (after Mr. Davis had made his watermelon fortune), the industry of roping, branding, and selling the wild watermelon had been all but forgotten, remembered only by a few tired old waterboys. They still told the stories of driving huge herds of watermelon across the open range, but few people had the time to listen. Their stories of why the cattle guards on trains should really be called melon guards fell on deaf ears.

One of these retired waterboys decided to go looking for other work, and started delivering water to the folks who were working on the railroads that were beginning to criss-cross our mighty nation. Once the railroads were completed, he moved to Florida with his family to enjoy retirement. His sons continued to carry on the work of waterboys, and became employed by various sporting teams due to the high quality of water they carried.

So, there you have it. The historical significance of watermelon riding and the history of the waterboy all in one post. And that’s a fact.

(So there :p)

125

lightingtool, what about the great Watermelon Range wars? I can’t stand cantalopes to this day, after the stories my great-grandpa told us. Tell us another story Unca lightingtool!

Seriously, I want to ride a camel. Or maybe a llama. I wonder what’d happen if I slipped a keeper at the San Diego zoo a couple of twenties to ride the camel? I wouldn’t tell anyone. Honest.

126

Bumba it is correctly spelled fwoosh

The two little star thingies are a must. I’ll bet all the neighbors came out and said: “Look them new peoples done set thur yard on far.” “Told ya they ain’t raht.” “See the old one’s jis’ standin’ thar lookin’ at it.” “Better call up the volunteer far department afore they burn the whole dang street down.”

lightingtool and ashes[sup]2[/sup] I live near the self proclaimed “Watermelon Capitol of the World”, Cordele, GA. (Pronounced Kor-deel) They have a big watermelon festival every July. They have a parade, a Watermelon Queen contest and a seed spitting contest. I’m not sure but I think the seed spittin’ contest is the talent portion of the Watermelon Queen contest. So if y’all ever get another hankerin’ to ride, rope or drive watermelons, just come on down. I know where there’s plenty of 'em. They grow lots of canatloupes too.

Ellen is the new camel a 2004 model or did you buy a used one as a second camel for the kids to ride to school?

127

Technically, Lissla, your hair is dead. The living part is the roots, and as it grows, it pushes the dead part out. That’s why is you (not you specifically, but you in a general sense) want healthier hair (an oxymoron in the first place) you should pay attention to your nutritional balances and take a supplement (although I’m not sure what kind, it may depend on why your hair isn’t healthy)(not your hair Lissla, I’m your hair, although dead, is very healthy). Dead or alive, purple is a fine color for long, wavy hair.

Your fingernails are dead, too. Not just your fingernails, Lissla, everybody’s. And purple is a fine color to paint your nails as well.

Kallessa – color coordinated.

128

I’m not actually Lissla’s hair, I meant to say “I’m sure your hair, although dead, is very healthy”.

Not that there would be anything wrong with being Lissla’s hair. I look great in purple.

129

Swampy, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You crack me up.

Kallessa, you are right on about dead hair and fingernails. To take it a step further, even the top layer of skin cells are dead. Otherwise, we’d be losing all our water and getting seriously thirsty, and, and, all our DNA would be dropping all over the place…cept for the DNA the little skin mites eat. Then in a few gazillion years some old flea circus dude would be sucking the skin mites out of some amber and so he could open a theme park (Jahuman Park, maybe) in the Caribbean and scarin the bejesus out of a couple of little cockroach kids (cause by then the cockroaches would have taken over the world)! :eek:

So it’s a good thing…our skin is dead…I’m just sayin.

Tupug
Have computer…will IMAGINATE!!!

130

<whisper>I see dead epidermis . . .<whisper>

131

They used to have camel rides at the Cincinnati Zoo. Now all the camels are too old, so they’ve been retired. Now all the camels stand around in the camel pen in Hawaiian shirts (the retired lady camels get their humps “done” once a week and wear polyester pants suits) playing shuffleboard (or Mah Jong) complaining about how their children never call and claiming how cute and tallented the grandcamels are. Thery also get fed really early in the afternoon, or else the get all cranky. You don’t want a cranky retired camel around, that’s for sure.

132

Are the retired camels still at the Cincinnati Zoo?
I would think once the camels retire, they would have moved to the Miami Zoo.

133

Rue, in the interest of public service, you should go to the zoo and explain proper retired attire to the retired men camels. They should be wearing guayabera shirts, bermuda shorts (hiked up to their arm pits, natch), black knee length nylon/polyester socks and sandals. They’re probably gettin’ laughed at by the other retired zoo animals for their Hawaiian shirts. Do the retired lady camels get their humps done with a blue rinse?

BiblioCat the retired camels spend the winter in Miami or Palm Beach. I know cause every October and March, I-75 through Georgia is full of retired camels in RVs going 40 mph.

134

In the fast lane with their turn signal on the whole time… :smiley:

135

Yep and the parking lots of every Stuckey’s and Cracker Barrel are full of em. :smiley:

136

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This time my computer screen is wearing a big splotch of Spicey V8! :smiley:

Yeah, well at least YOU just get em passin through. :rolleyes:

137

swampy and Kallessa, I do know that hair is technically dead cells. I also know two people going through chemo right now, so I’m feeling all paranoid about ever losing my hair.

I had short hair from grade 8 to grade 10. I looked like a mushroom. It’s not wavy enough to curl, but it’s wavy enough to frizz. This is why it’s waist-length. Less frizzy.

The problem with dyeing my hair purple is that it only shows up as highlights, because my hair’s so dark. That’s good for Stuffy Job (got told off at my Employee Review for not dressing appropriately) but it would be nice to have obviously purple hair. Except I’d have to strip the colour out, which would ruin it. I’ve got something like six years’ worth of hair-growing if I want to replace the stuff.

I have a purple fixation. And a dark red one. I guess I could dye my hair really dark red. Hmm.

138

Lis, what about a Henna rinse? I don’t think that will hurt your hair and I’m pretty sure it comes in lots of colors these days. Not sure about purple, though.

139

Tupug you got retired camels running (shuffling) around all over where you live? Maybe you should start leaving brochures extolling the wonders of retirement in Arizona? :smiley:

140

I think you and I are kindred spirits. Oh, the agony. Thank heavens there are only a few photos of me during my Afro Period.