The first thing that sprang to mind upon reading the OP was a calm, professional smile, and the remark, “Well, ma’am, I may be ugly, but at least I won’t be dead by morning.”
Then again, I can talk. Not MY job at stake…
This thread is cracking me up.
I work in a hospital and I am also a grandma (and grandpa) magnet for some reason. I like the old folks, even if they are sometimes pretty grumpy.
I went in to assess one lady who wasn’t too happy to see me. She had visitors- a group of shaggy guys I recognized as members a popular local blues band that I had seen on a couple of occasions. I introduced myself and began to check her out a little, but not too much since she had company.
Annoyed, grandma said to me “Oh, why don’t you go home and bake a cake!”
I responded something along the lines of “Funny you should mention that. I make THE BEST chocolate cake.”
This kind of interested her and she asked “Oh, do you make it from scratch?”.
“No”, I said, “It’s from a box.”
“Well, I fail to see what makes it so special then” was her reply.
In my not-always-so-infinate-wisdom, I attempted the change subject and said “Well, maybe I’ll tell you later. So, how’d an old bat like you get all these handsome young guys to come visit you?”
Even before all the words were out of my mouth, I was having visions of my upcoming firing and exit interview.
Fortunately, her hearing must have been failing as she glossed right over that and began to introduce me to her grandson and his friends.
Saved!
I try to be more careful now.