I went to church this morning and during the pre-service hang out period I was chatting with a friend. One of the old ladies comes up and interrupts us to poke my stomach and make a comment about how big I’m getting, obviously meaning that she thinks I’m getting fat.
I’ve posted elsewhere about my size and you know, that shit really sucks. This is a little woman who is probably in her late 70s or so, and she’s rail thin. But by nature I can’t rebuke her for the rudeness of her comment.
She isn’t a relative. She only knows me from seeing me grow up at church. And for her to point blank accuse me of getting fat is something that really bothers me. It’s one of those points where I wish I could get angry enough to pit her, but I can’t.
Today I informed her that actually I’ve lost 30 lbs since my peak and she was utterly unimpressed. I mean, I was astounded. I had always been friendly with this lady before but I’m just so hurt and stunned by her behavior that I just am in shock.
I’m just sort of shaking my head and trying to distract myself.
I’m sorry this happened, Improv Geek.
My grandmother used to be bit this way. Seemingly, her age allowed her to speak as freely and as corrosively as she pleased.
She’d begin every criticism with "I’m 75 years old,"establishing her life experience, which I acknowledged to be appreciable.
She’d then proceed to say whatever thing was wrong with me: hair, clothes, whatever.
It did get things out in the open.
It certainly did not make me change my hair, clothes or whatever.
When I am a little old lady, I might not be sweet, but I don’t plan on ever being rude.
I’m with tbdi, I woulda called her on it. I mighta smiled and said “My mother always taught me it was both rude and unkind to point such things out - is there special dispensation for the elderly?” The “bitch” woulda been implied.
You could have tried to steal a line from Winston Churchill: “Lady, I may be fat, but you’re decrepit, but when next year/decade rolls around I may have lost weight…”
Unless you see a woman knitting a pink/blue/yellow afghan while simultaneously giving birth to a baby in front of you, it’s probably not the best idea to assume she’s pregnant. She may indeed be fat. Or have a hernia or something else that would give that impression. Or wearing an Empire top or dress.
Anyway, I’d say it’s the polite thing to do to err on the side of caution and not say anything weight related.
Excellent response, my thought would be say, “I’m sorry I did not realize it was be rude and insult other members of the church Sunday. I guess I didn’t read the program.”
Then smile like this and continue talking to your friend.
What a fun society we’d have if we all went around telling people what they needed to hear. We’d certainly solve the world’s overpopulation problem quickly, because many people would get their asses killed for being so helpful.
P.S. - It is an extremely rare overweight person who is unaware of that fact.
I believe our dear Improv Geek is a tall young man. I expect that he doesn’t wear his eyeliner so heavy the old lady who’s known him for years thinks he’s a girl.
If you can’t manage that, there’s always the disbelievinng smirk, the “Huh!”, followed by a return to the conversation as if the rudeness had never happened. I think Miss Manners recommends, “Well, I never!” in response to such rudeness, but there’s no way I can pull that off; the disbelieving smirk is about the closest I can manage.
Of course, you could have just pinched some of her arm-wrinkles, saying nothing; that might’ve gotten the point across, too.
Today, alone, you could have said "I’ll make it a New Year’s Resolution. Right after ‘be kind and forgiving to incredibly rude fellow churchgoers.’ "
And congratulations on the 30 lbs!
Yes. But, even more importantly, 99.9999999% of the time someone “needs” to hear something, you are absolutely not the person who “needs” to tell them.
OK, it woulda been 50-50 for me. Sometimes I’m very quick, sometimes I blank.