There so many basic things that Kyan and Jai cover, it’s a wonder people aren’t taking them to heart. Like Jai’s comments at the end about eye contact and remembering people’s names.
And week after week, without fail, the straight guys always seem to screw up the shaving. They either do the speed-shaving thing or go against the grain. Maybe I don’t get it since I don’t shave with a razor, but it must be one of those deeply-ingrained habits guys form.
Back to this week’s loser: Clearly that girl had no idea what a mint julep tastes or looks like. OK, neither do I, but I’d have drank it and chalked it up to “new experiences” rather than bitching about it. And if I may stereotype for a minute, what is with some women and their taste in drinks? “It tastes like alcohol” seems to be a common complaint, like it’s supposed to taste like Kool-aid?
I went to school with guys like this, who believed their appearance wasn’t important and that their work spoke for itself. I was hoping for a better response from Kyan than, “you would be wrong. You need to look your best all the time”
I’m going to have to disagree with the assessment that the girlfriend was a harpy, as stated above. I thought she honestly liked Alan, despite his hygiene issues and really wanted her parents to meet him but was horrified by his living situation and his cheapness. This was a chance for Alan to really take advantage of the make over situation and learn something that would not only benefit him professionally but also teach him valuable lessons about how to treat someone you love. He well and truly blew it. And from what I’ve read, it’s not like the straight guys are completely in the dark about being on the show; why did Alan even bother if he was going to be so resistant to changing even a little bit? He didn’t try at all to apply anything the Fab 5 taught him.
The biggest problem I see with the straight guys is that they fricking rush through every minute of preparation like someone’s got a gun to their heads. They shave their faces faster than I shave my legs. They get out of the shower and are instantly covered in sweat. They tear through the food prep like a line cook on Saturday night; and that’s why I think a lot of the food segments could constitute failures. Urban Cowboy spent time carefully filling the chocolate boxes with mousse and arranging berries on the plate. Even nasty old Andrew was able to pull off a great looking dessert (after the near debacle with the lobster) and the coffee by taking him time with it. He also dug using the kitchen torch. If these guys didn’t rush through making the food it wouldn’t be so much of a disaster. I mean, WTF was Alan doing using a book to pound the biscuit/cookie cutter into the bread squares? And if he wasn’t hurrying around the kitchen he certainly wouldn’t have busted the martini pitcher.
Actually, with the drink recipes, if I was Ted I would have printed up a nice little drink menu to offer the parents and girlfriend, so they could see what was available and to also act as a cheat sheet.
I forget in which show, but the SG did have written instructions for food preparation.
And Urban Cowboy had his Armenian “I love you” written down for him.
But alas, el schlubbo just nods vacantly as Ted asks him if he’s got it instead of admitting he’s dazed and confused and needs it written down.
And now for something completely different…
Imagine Alan Corey strikes it rich in hi-tech and becomes a multi-billionaire. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Bill Gates.
My favorite part of the show was the food/drink prep. I mean, does it save any time to whack the bread cutter with an object rather than pushing on it with your hand? And the shoe cheese was priceless. This guy has either never seen a real alcoholic drink or has been very inattentive when he has seen them; he flings around expensive and very strong alcohol like it was Coors. Dear God, he gave the dad a frickin’ highball glass full of bourbon! There was enough in there for 3 or 4 normal sized drinks, and the ice’ll melt halfway though and leave him with a half glass of warm, slightly watered bourbon. And he made a gin and tonic that was 2/3 gin and did not stir at all! Hell, the night may be a success despite the dead silence bits just because nobody’s going to remember a thing about it.
Major thumbs down on the Foodie guy for making vodka martinis, though. Gin, people, it’s gin! At least if you’re going to make vodka martinis, call them “vodka martinis” and not just martinis, as if they’re the default. Feh.
Oh, and I forgot: the sweat rag used in food prep. Was anything more disgusting? How can you do this sort of stuff when there’s a camera crew on you! It does not take much culture to realize your gf’s parents may not want your bodily fluids adorning their hors d’oeuvres tray. Ew.
There are a lot of people who don’t know anything about alcoholic drinks. And this was clearly such a case. Good teachers don’t make arbitrary assumptions about what their students do and do not already know. They find out, and they teach from there.
I think you make a good point about teaching, Libertarian, but half of learning is having a teachable disposition. Ted’s made a point of asking other straight guys what they like to cook and whether they cook, and tried to tailor an event around that. I fully grant that Ted has not always been successful in his ideas–sushi was a little complicated for last week’s Tom, and Adam’s foie gras did not go over well with the guests at all. But IMO Alan did not want to learn, and made no effort to learn. He was in possession of alcohol and mixers before the makeover, so I don’t think he was completely ignorant regarding alcoholic drinks. I do think Alan was nervous and unnecessarily rushed, which I thought could account for the effed up monster pours.
I did notice an empty 12-pack of Miller High Life on the floor next to his trashcan pre-Thom, which of course led me to believe Alan couldn’t be all bad. I was wrong.
Alan lacked a whole bunch of class, too, which was something the Fab 5 certainly couldn’t teach him in just four days. From his comment at the jewelry store about how now he wouldn’t eat for a week because he bought the necklace (after remarking to Jai how reasonable the prices were), to giving his girlfriend the necklace and saying he was guilt-tripped into it, this guy was a piece of work.
Here’s my take on the girlfriend - She’s all happy “don’t you look handsome; love the apartment”. Then Shlub says “I have something for you and they made me pay for it”. She has gotten her hopes up and then gets a necklace - a chintzy silver/shell necklace that cost about $40. I think she was expecting a ring or at least something nice.
And the awkward silence says it all… Even with too much liquor, this relationship is going nowhere.
I felt a little sorry for the guy with his “don’t buy nice things Alan” mantra after breaking the fabulous martini pitcher.
Does this guy not buy nice stuff because he is cheap or does he not buy stuff because he has self-esteem issues?
Why is the show picking these total losers. I mean you can dress up a pig and take her to the prom but nobody is believe that it is a super model. Throwing some new clothes on a guy and redecorating his place is not going to change him at all.
That was the impression I recieved as well. Although the cocktail thing, and even the food were very poor choices. After numerous disasters, you would think the so called expert would modify his approach. :dubious: Ted continues to make the same mistakes- make your own sushi? Complex cocktail, for Capt. 40 ouncer? Oy.
Another great apartment remodel by the way- Thom got the skills to pay the bills as they say.
It was nice they didn’t go to a salon for once.
Jai was really good this week, kind of make you wish a few people would shut the hell up every now and then and let him speak.
The comment about someone’s top coming off was a riot though.
Overall, he was a poor choice for a make over- he should have been dinged.
That’s what I thought, too. The mint julep seemed a bit complicated for him, so Ted should have offered at least a little cheat sheet for it. When Alan had to make one for his girlfriend, he seemed to have no idea whatsoever about what he was doing.
The girlfriend did seem nice, but when she was talking about the drink, she came off as a bit of a shrew. “That’s not right. It has gin in it. It looks moldy. I taste alcohol.” Shut up, already.
I couldn’t believe he was whacking the bread with the book. All he had to do was push down gently with the cutter. It was just bread, for crying out loud, not concrete. Why was he having such a hard time? I think he was letting himself get all worked up and way too nervous.
When Alan made that toast with his girlfriend and the parents, it seemed rather awkward. I think one or both sets of the parents thought he was going to get down on one knee and propose.
This episode made me laught harder than any others have. “He’s done everything but wipe his ass with that rag.” “Don’t eat it, don’t eat it, don’t eat it…” Thom’s “Oh my God!” as Alan poured the glass full of whiskey.
I agree with everyone predicting a breakup, though I’m dumbfounded as to how a relationship with a tightwad who “I wish he paid a little more attention to hygeine” lasted two years.
If the guy lacks the strength to push a biscuit cutter through a slice of party rye, he’s got more wrong with him than just social spazziness.
And I agree, Pippi Shortstocking was a bit of a shrew.
Thom is my hero. He totally called the Rainman thing.
If I ever decide to move to Mexico to persue a wrestling career, I plan to bill myself as “The Irish Mojito.” (I know mojitos are Cuban, but Mexican wrestlers are just so snazzy.)
I do agree generally with the sentiment that Alan was pretty well hopeless. And I don’t really blame Ted completely, but this isn’t something that I’ve just now noticed. Edlyn and I have discussed it before tonight’s episode. Either Ted needs more time to spend with his pupils or else he needs to GREATLY simplify what he requires of them.
I have never laughed harder in any episode than during the uncomfortable silence scene, where the Fab 5 were all dead silent, sipping their drinks. That was totally hysterical.
Normally I think Thom is a master worker, but I didn’t like what he did to that place. It’s not so much that it wasn’t my taste, (it wasn’t), but that I didn’t think it was his taste. Everyone sitting around on that odd plastic glowing furniture just added to the uncomfortable vibes.
And I loved Kyan’s line when Alan said “I don’t care what my hair looks like…” “I care, Alan. I care.”
How much more simple than “push cutter through bread, brush with oil, place ham and cheese on top” can you possibly get? If the guy needs a tutorial to make an open-faced sandwich then he’s beyond the skills of any gay man.
Agreed that a cheat sheet for the drinks would have been a good idea, or hey, even a classy little bar guide/recipe book (are you listening Jai?), but lord, has the man never been in a bar? Has he never, while mooching free drinks off friends and relatives, watched them pour? A mint julep really isn’t that complicated. It’s what, four steps? Put sugar in water, muddle mint, add ice, pour bourbon and stir. And hey, maybe Alan could take a note or something while Ted is demonstrating. And a gin and tonic is idiot-proof…oh wait, I guess it isn’t. And how do you screw up a whiskey on the rocks? Oh, by overpouring!
As for Ted’s other suggestions, the sushi didn’t seem that complicated and the guy got the hang of it pretty easily. The fois gras was prepared properly and Adam didn’t have any trouble making it, people just didn’t like it. Even the man-quiche that fell apart was done pretty much correctly, just taken out of the pan early (and it probably would have gotten damaged in the carrier anyway). No, the fault lies not in our gay stars, but in our straight buffoon.
Another vote here for gin martinis. And the ratio should be (as I understand it & enjoy them) two parts gin to one part vermouth, not Ted’s 4-1 vodka version (gaack!). At least he used dry vermouth.
I thought the traditional mint julep thing was to take one sprig of mint and just sort of drop it in there, so it rests amongst the crushed ice at the top of the drink… and no crushing the mint. Can anyone clarify this?
As for Alan’s being hopeless, I think that’s precisely the sort of supreme challenge that the Fab Five should be willing (or forced!) to take on. But what’s with this guy not treating his g-friend or giving her any gifts for two years… that’s just awful. Any why is she putting up with that? But I haven’t understood the relationship dynamics in any of these shows, anyway.
I can’t figure out how Alan had so much trouble with cutting the bead into circles. Even if he was using the pastry cutter upside down, bread is just not that hard to cut through. Heck, as kids we did it with drinking glasses.
As a straight woman, I’m not sure how he held on to any girlfriend for two years. If she thought he was “fixable”, she should have had more success by now. Unless he was even worse before she started dating him, and she had just reached the limit of what she could do on her own. and that’s a sad, sad thought.
I really like what Thom did this week. I thought it fit with Alan. After that and after what he did on Oprah Monday, I’ve grown to like red.
Actually, Ted’s recipe was not strictly the traditional mint julep. There’s more than one way to make it.
The guy with the Sushi set one lady’s mouth on fire. The fois gras was a bad idea anyway since not a lot of people like liver. The man-quiche shouldn’t have fallen apart if handled properly, but if it must be handled so gingerly, then it was a bad idea, too. I’m not blaming the gay stars, but Ted is definitely the dimmest one in my book. I just see a lot of Jai bashing, and I think Jai is cool. Meanwhile, Ted needs work.
Awright. I went back through the episodes and recalled what Ted’s done with the food.
Episode 1: Butch made the flatbread pizza. Great idea; even liked that it mimicked his artwork. Did not like how Butch was making it in a towel fresh out of the shower.
Episode 2: Adam and the foie gras. Not a huge crowd pleaser, but Adam handled the preparation very well.
Episode 3: Tom made some fish dinner, which looked pretty good. I was more distracted by his heinous girlfriend to pay much attention to the food.
Episode 4: John and the chocolate engagement boxes. Success all around, I think.
Episode 5: Vince and the . . . herbal tea? Not much to do here.
Episode 6: Andrew and the berry creme brulee. Does the lobster count?
Episode 7: John and the man quiche. Probably kind of complicated for someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time cooking. I’d be worried about the quiche and I cook a lot.
Episode 8: George and the massive mound o’ meat. Could have been disastrous, but turned out looking yummy (sorry Otto). There seemed to be a lot of other things on the table that magically appeared, but grilling the lamb and skewering asparagus are not very taxing things to do.
Episode 9: Josh and the raw bar. This was awful. They didn’t even really eat anything off it, and the prep was a lot to ask of the guy.
Episode 10: Tom and the sushi. I’ve never been that dextrous with a sushi mat and I’m even half-Japanese. The rolls looked alright at the end.