Yikes, almost forgot to kick off this week’s Queer Eye thread!
. . . And why does he have a girlfriend? Must be damn good in bed . . .
My thoughts exactly.
Good lord, this guy is the biggest schmuck they have ever encountered.
And not in a good way.
I knew it was just a matter of time before Carson stabbed someone but I never thought it would be Ted.
This guy has to be the shlubbiest shlub that ever shlubbed a shlub. How old is he? 25? 25 going on 11. I will never understand if I live to be a thousand how these idiots end up with such nice girlfriends. Seriously straight women, what is it? Is it some sort of “I can fix this” phenomenon?
Didn’t really appreciate anything that any of them did for him, except of course that it was all free. And he obviously isn’t going to keep up with any of it, because he doesn’t think any of it is important. The Fab 5 tried to present it to him in terms he should have understood, business contacts, but they obviously didn’t impress upon him strongly enough that not all business can be conducted over the internet, that eventually he is going to have to meet people face-to-face for his business ventures and probably even entertain them. I pretty much knew Alan was hopeless when he slagged that great blue top and brown pant as “Aquaman and Swamp Man.” Carson took the right tack with him, tryin to get him to see his clothes as an investment, but I just know if I walked into that apartment now that suit would be rolled in a ball in the corner of the bedroom. The decor looked OK, not really my taste but it seemed functional and fun for a younger person. Loved how Alan’s mom said in front of the girlfriend what a great bachelor pad it had become. I wanted to throw myself bodily in front of Mr Pink’s, knowing from the previews that something would end up smashed (besides, apparently, the guests). Poor Ted. Stabbed in the head by Carson and stabbed in the heart by Alan, who screwed up every possible thing with the prep and presentation that he could. I really hope his parents and hers don’t watch the show. They’ll get ptomaine retroactively from the sweaty shoe cheese. Brave little toasters to the end, though, were the Fab 5, trying to put a good front on the disaster that was Alan. Until Jai just couldn’t take it any longer and tore him a new one. Maybe that should be Jai’s new role. The voice of reality for when the other four are playing spin doctor.
And I want Eve to nominate someone for a makeover, just so she can be in the “slag the staright guy” interview segments.
Merciful Zeus, Alan C. is the very picture of an unmannered oaf. Even if he had not backtalked the Fab 5, and if he hadn’t totally ignored everything Ted tried to teach him about the art of making cocktails, and even if he hadn’t displayed revolting personal habits in the kitchen, that comment, “Thanks for everything you do for me as a girlfriend” would win him Miss Congeniality for Biggest Douche in the Universe.
Is it just me, or was the girlfriend not seething with barely-repressed resentment? She hated the drink he made her, saying it was moldy; openly mocked his bartending skills to her (their) parents; didn’t like the necklace he bought her and didn’t pretend very hard that she did; and generally took every possible opportunity to stab him in the kidneys, all with a big wide smile.
Alan was a schmuck, but he was a schmuck who volunteered for this whole makeover because his girlfriend is embarrassed by him. He tried, people. He deserved some credit from her for trying to clean up his act and impress her parents. I thought he was hapless but generally likable, and she was a harpy who undermined him at every possible moment.
They are so breaking up within the next six months.
I was watching Nip/Tuck (always catch QE in the rerun) but flipped over during commercials long enough to see the food prep and another scene here and there. EW. Earlier Jai had mentioned quite clearly “we’ll be watching you- make us proud!” and it’s not like you can ignore the lighting and sound and camera guys… even if you do it in private, HOW CAN YOU BEHAVE LIKE THAT ON TV?? The way he was grinning the whole time- is it possible he was doing it on purpose? Tell me he was doing it on purpose. Please. I don’t know why, but it might make me feel better.
And the ever-quotable Thom- “No, wait guys, I think we have a real Rainman here… 'don’t buy nice things, don’t buy nice things…”
Alan C/Schlub/cheap-o will get what he deserves. If not I will personally see to it, if it kills me. What a loser! And his “girl” is an annoying little thing ain’t she?
Let us all pray his parents haven’t raised another child
[arrmchair shrinkology, or, pulling it outta my @$$] I think the key phrase was detected by Thom: “never get anything nice, you’ll break it”. This boy has got himself deeply pre-programmed to expect the worst, in self-sabotage, I’m-not-worth-it mode, even if he himself doesn’t know it. The whole deal about being very stingy now as a way to build starting capital? Rationalization. He’s being very stingy because in his heart he lives in the horror that one day he’s gonna go bust, and he’s training to live on the minimum. [/armchair shrinkology]
However part of his odd behavior (really, WTF was he doing with the canapés???) may have to do with the whole GF thing. I, too, got an odd vibe from her. Which may have stressed him out even more and got him more subconsciously driven to screw up.
OTOH I got a larf at how the GF very obviously had bluffed when asking for a Mint Julep and either (a) had no true idea of WTH it was, or (b) was playing with his mind (“is that mint sugar?” … no, it doesn’t have Bourbon…isn’t it supposed to be clear, like gin?" “it lools moldy”; “this tastes like alcohol”. Well, d’-freakin-uh…). Oy… Ted is the one who really needed all those drinks today!
And Otto’s right… if the families just saw this show there’s gonna be some chilly conversations… and good for them!
Show’s coming up in a half hour over here in the west; sounds like a fun one. Just wanted to throw out a potential grenade:
Am I the only one who thinks that Kyan and Jai are a total waste of time, that they just take time from seeing the important changes and efforts by the others?
I know they’re both eye candy for those inclined towards guys, and by all accounts they’re nice fellows. But really: how many shaving and hair-combing tips can there be?
We’ve had several discussions about “exactly what does Jai do?”. His role has never really been defined, but hopefully they’re working on it. While I’ll admit I’m getting a bit tired of the “work the product in from the back” and “shave after the shower” line from Kyan, he’s so freaking gorgeous that it sounds like he’s speaking to his students in the Agora when he says it; I think the producers will realize that it’s becoming repetetive and give him more to work with in future episodes, though.
I’ll be back to help nurse your wounds after Otto reads your Kyan comment.
I don’t have a problem with Kyan or Jai. Kyan is no more repetitive than Carson and Ted. There are certain basics that are going to be repeated each time.
My problem is how these guys (with the exception of Thom) teach. It’s all too fast. By the time the Fab Five leave, the straight guy’s head is realing with way too much new information.
Ted especially speeds through his lessons, not so much teaching as demonstrating. He’s talking to guys who have nothing in the fridge but beer and have month-old sandwiches stuffed under the sofa. And he’s trying to turn them into seasoned wine connoisseurs and bartenders.
Why can’t he take a more Socratic approach and make certain the straight guy understands what he’s doing before the Fab Five leave?
The Fab 5 are with the straight guy for four days. It looks faster because of the editing. And I disagree that Ted is trying to turn them into connoisseuers. He’s trying to give them one or two basics to get them through one social event and he can hardly be blamed if the guy can’t keep it in his head for two entire hours that gin does not go in a julep.
Apparently, I’m a deeply flawed woman. I thought Alan was adorable. I like guys with boyish looks, I think. My hubby has a cute, boyish face with an impish grin.
I could not, however, get passed his cheapness. Boy, was he cheap. I mean cheap. I think, as someone else mentioned, his extreme frugality mixed with the chiding he gave himself when he broke the glasses spell i-s-s-u-e-s!
By the by, have any of you New Yorkers been to Mr. Pink? What a fun store!
I missed the first half + a little because I ended up having to work last night, but I did catch this. To me it was the classic kid who had several siblings and constantly heard his mother say “I can’t ever have anything nice because it just gets broken” - almost a guarantee that, if he took it to heart (and from his behavior, I assume he did), it becomes a reason not to buy anything nice.
Beyond that, I’m going to have to try to catch a re-run later in the week before I comment on the rest of his behavior. Except for the extreme silence when everyone was there. Speak up! You’re an adult and you can carry on a conversation. About anything to start - even the weather, their drive into town. It doesn’t matter, just get started!
I don’t think that’s fair.
If no gin in a julep were the ONLY thing the guy had to remember, I could see your point. But there are five — five — people bombarding him with things that simply aren’t familiar to him. Maybe if you’d let me and four other chess experts teach you how to play a good game against your neighborhood chess bully using the same four-day hit-and-run technique, you’d see what I mean.
When you lose a knight, what should we do, grimmace and throw up our hands? “Why in the devil couldn’t he keep in his head for two hours to be wary of fianchettoed bishops in the Gruenfeld Defense?”
Come to think of it, the food portion of the thing is almost always a disaster. The quiche falls apart. There’s enough hot stuff to burn tongues. There’s vodka in a mint julep. And so on… The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.
You’re right, “no gin in the julep” wasn’t the only thing he had to remember. He also had to remember how to punch circles out of square bread and not shave. Oh, and to not eat cheese off his shoe. I think your analogy to master chess players teaching a non-player how to play is flawed. No one expects this guy to be a virtuoso. What the 5 are going for is basic competence in a very narrow field. Alan had perhaps the easiest food prep of anyone so far on the show. He was basically making open-faced sandwiches and he could barely master it. And there’s a bit of a difference between “Why in the devil couldn’t he keep in his head for two hours to be wary of fianchettoed bishops in the Gruenfeld Defense?” and “mint juleps are not made with gin.”
Alan’s a lunk, and irredeemable, and his girlfriend should leave him but won’t because if she’s willing to stay with him for two years without ever having been bought dinner then she’s willing to put up with anything. I contrast Alan with someone like Butch or John the Urban Cowboy or Fabio, who are genuinely grateful for what the 5 have done for them and who will obviously make the attempt to keep up with the things they have been taught and Alan is just a big loser.