Here are some pictures of different natural curl patterns, and like **monstro **said, many people have several different curl patterns. There’s also coarse and fine hair; people with thinning hair or thick heads of hair, just like other races. And the women with short afros might actually have shoulder length hair. Their hair just naturally shrinks. And some hair shrinks when it’s wet, so if you have that sort of hair and you had done something to loosen your curls, rain could ruin your style.
You’ve never shaken hands? It’s ritualised, sure, but our monkey brains tell us that the first thing we do when we meet a stranger is touch them. Touch is wired into us, we need it.
I guess having a context to be mutually introduced to someone takes them at least a little bit out of the “stranger” category that I was thinking of. I would not walk up to someone on the street whom I don’t know and try to shake his or her hand.
Gist of a conversation I had with a girlfriend circa 1983:
Me: I saw an Hispanic woman at the grocery today and I had a realization that I know so very little about her or her culture. You know what? I think I’ll seek out a couple of Hispanic women friends and maybe learn something.
My Friend: Kite! You can’t do that. You expect them to educate you? That places all the burden on them. Go out and get some books or something.
Me, thinking: Oh. I don’t get that. Is that White privilege stuff? Did I just do a bit of wrong thinking? What could be a more better way than inviting the “other” into my world and hopefully having reciprocation.
I went out and got the books.
Later an Hispanic woman moved in across the street and I invited her for iced tea on my porch. She had been born a few miles away, was raised with local values and didn’t speak a word of Spanish. Drat. And double-drat that she moved away before we could become friends.
I can’t think of a better way to try to erase the lines of defenses between us all than engaging.
The hair thing I’d save until it felt right, if ever.
I am one of the whitest people on the planet and just for the record I love the natural look of girls hair. White black etc. If they are confidant in their appearance it all works.
That said I shaved off my hair for St. Baldrics charity,
Total smooth, then fuzzy… some people just want to feel that unusual (to them) texture, and if they were not jerks it was fine but some people are rude and should not touch anyone.
^ Is that a micro- or macro-aggression?
I don’t have a problem with answering questions or even being a type of “good will” ambassador for someone who has never interacted with black people before.
But in my experience, what ends up happening is that I end up being turned into someone’s racial plaything. The person they go to when they want to share a racial joke or politically incorrectness with impunity, or when they’ve got to share some tale of woe involving a Scary Black Person and they need a friendly negro to absolve them of any guilt. Or the person they want to cite whenever they play the “One of my close friends is black” card. I can talk about a lot of things–just like anyone else. But for these people, my only purpose is to serve as the resident negro.
Sure, ask me a few questions every now and then. But don’t expect me to always want to talk about race. What might be a light-hearted, intellectual topic for you might be something much more serious and emotional for me.
Yes.
Not often these these days because of the style it’s in, but when I was younger, it happened frequently.
Depending on the circumstances (how I feel that day in general, who’s asking, did they even ask in the first place, am I in a formal or informal or professional situation, etc.) it can go from innocuous to making me feel like I’m in a petting zoo.
The normal amount? I guess? Generally speaking, when my hair is braided it’s going to stay in braids until it’s unbraided.
I should clarify my post. I have noticed that many black women that I personally observe, who wear their hair natural… They seem to be cool with hair touching, generally speaking. Girls with weaves, I don’t know, I think they may be bit more sensitive to the touching.
I can’t really think of a way to put this that doesn’t sound condescending, so I apologize for that, but look: There are good touches, and bad touches. Shaking hands in a social context where that is appropriate is good, or at least neutral. Hug from a friend: good. Holding hands with your small child: Good. Randomly getting groped by a stranger: Bad. Having people pet your hair without asking as though you were some kind of zoo animal: Probably also bad.
In the Army we cut each others hair a lot. Saves money when you need touch-ups every couple of days. Black men’s hair is much easier to cut. At least for military cuts. I became sought after for my ability to cut lines. I could cut a New York skyline across the back of someones head. Did nice block cuts too. Course this was the eighties.
Agreed.
White woman here. I’ve never asked to touch a black woman’s hair. I have told them before that their afros looked lovely, though.
I HAVE had black people, especially when I was a little girl, ask to touch and braid my hair.
A bit of hair role reversal: “Can I Touch It?” photo exhibit.
I’m white with generally straightish, shoulder length, dark chestnut hair, sprinkled with a bit of silver these days. No one cares about my hair.
I also have a wig that I wear on occasion. It’s auburn, rather long, and has big corkscrew curls. When I wear that, and I’m around people who don’t know it’s a wig, they touch it without asking. Sometimes I don’t know they’re touching it because, well, it’s a wig and it’s not actually attached, so there’s no follicle disturbance to alert me to some light tugging. Now, I’m a bit of a touchy-feely person, I’m a hugger, and if asked I don’t mind people touching. Plus, this is temporary for an evening here and there. But if it really was my hair and people were just randomly touching it, even asking and being respectful, if it happened all the time I can see that getting old really fast.